Murder on the Dance Floor

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Material girl

Raid the dressing up box!

Time to start gathering together some costumes. Having been ordered to seek out ugly, big,
beige underwear for Mein Herr, I headed off to Australia for a few weeks. I'd hoped to find some
'old-lady' type shops (in trendy Melbourne? Who was I kidding!) or raid the dressing-up box of
my theatre-director sister.

Sadly, I did neither of these.

What I did find was this gorgeous little boutique in Surfer's Paradise called 'Sex Kitten'. No it
wasn't sleazy Ann Summers type goods, it sold beautiful little scraps of silk and lace, trimmed with
ribbons and bows, and teamed with sparkly jewellery. I immediately spied a cream lace
teddy1 with ruffles on the hips, which had a
definite feel of 'the 30s' about it. I reasoned, even if the choreographer doesn't let me wear it on
stage, I'm sure I can get some wear out of it for...erm....personal use.

Back in the rehearsal hall, I produce my covetable 'Sex Kitten' bag, all pink and black stripes
with a cute pussy on the front2.

'I know you're going to tell me it's too pretty...' I say, as I whip out my purchase for
inspection. After a moment's reflection, the choreographer says 'No, you can wear it. But I
want the bag!

I kiss him and thank him, and join the rest of the now frankly openly jealous chorus line.

What? More sleazy costumes?

And on we go to Broadway Baby, where the choreographer tells me

'You're a slag!'

'Yes I know' I reply, 'but what am I in this number?'
Boom boom!

Anyhoo....costumes are the really predictable leather mini skirt, fishnets, and gaudy accessories.
Think Bet Lynch! Think Denise Royle! I'm wondering if I can still fit into that sequinned boob
tube lying at the back of my wardrobe...

Who wrote these lyrics?

I thought struggling to get my tongue around Chorus Line's 'peripatetic poetic and chic'
3 was bad enough, until we
get to,

'Wriggling in the ante-room

Jiggling in the dining room

Giggling in the living room

Wiggling in the other rooms.'

And of course the choreographer favours that extremely literal interpretation of songs as best
manifested by 'Pans People' back in the hey day of 'Top of the Pops'. So I'll leave the various
jiggling and wriggling to your imagination.

Now, I'm sure I used to have a leather mini-skirt....

Murder on the Dance Floor

Lucky Star

19.08.04 Front Page

Back Issue Page

1No, not a cuddly toy!2Oh, do behave!!3I can tie a knot in a cherry stalk, you know!

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