h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am an American of the U.S. variety but what is described in the entry "United States of America (USA)" is mostly foreign. The USA is a BIG place. It is thousands of kilometers from the West Coast to East Coast and from the border with Mexico to the one with Canada. I currently live in Montana. A state much larger than the Isles of Britain with fewer then one million people living here. The 'theme park' a few miles from my home is the largest wilderness area in the lower 48 states. The animals e.g. black bear, wolf, mountain lion are real. They like to be 'at one' with the occasion polyester clad Californicator or New York City tree hugger. Those of us who venture into the woods carry guns to discourage these magnificent animals from being 'at one' with us too. I like to walk around in the woods. You don't get to see many animals if you are loud. Then there is nothing more disgusting than hiking twenty miles into the woods and seeing an empty beer can next to the trail. Everyone I know around here lives by the motto of "leave no trace". It would be nice if the out-of-staters would respect that.

If you have eaten at McDonald's in the last twenty years you are more American than I am. The big corporations are exporting all that crap because fewer and fewer people here are buying it. In particular TV. The television audience in the U.S. has been shrinking for years and the rate is accelerating.

I think irony and sarcasm are borne out of a frustration and fear to speak what is on one's mind. I am 6'3" and 200 pounds. Yeah, I guess I am guilty of lacking irony and sarcasm. Gee, that is too bad. I am all broken up inside about it.

I have never applied a whip cream bikini. Sounds fun though. I will have to try that with peaches.