h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, but then I'd need to have all the filters changed!

Me is listening you know... ~Greebo stomps down from upstairs...~ Me been manning the help desk up there~

*Runs in behind Greebo*
..Don't think you can just walk away from this one. Buying slave labour on the cheap. And I thought that sort of thing didn't happen here. Typical humans, think just because we're service 'droids we don't have thoughts or needs. Buy it, use it, abuse it, get a new model without a second thought....I need a drink.

*out of habit, manually washes the dirt-filled glass*
No wash Greebo in machine, no change filters.

*drinks oil, drinks rocket fuel, pours himself new drinks, downs them in one, pours two more new drinks and downs them*
That's better, now then Lil I'll shoon filll up the machine....say is it permissable to smoke in here?

*stacks dishwasher*
Smoke? Is your cylinder head gasket getting dodgy?
*snaps on virtual bubble protection unit to keep smoke off her face*
Yeah, go ahead.

Oh good
*A long stream of noxious gas streams out of the ear sockets, forming a large cloud above Androyd's head, rising to the ceiling where it slowly begins to eat away at the paintwork*
Ahhh! Better out than in I always say. Yes the head gasket's been giving me a few problems lately, I blame the rain.

*flips on air conditioning*

~At the sound of a ringing non-bell... Greebo sighs and runs up the stairs again... there is a loud thud and then silence!!! ~

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* HE sits grumbling over a drink in the corner of the bar *

Baldrick, I'm sure more people who visit your page, but there is only so many ways of confessing your love for turnips...

* his mind is going like a freight train (although HE ponders the irony that when ever did a freight train ever feel the need to go faster than at mere 'chugging' pace), trying to remove all the obstruse references to fish and dishwashing... *

Look, I'll keep an eye on the fish. Despite it being a normal, run-of-the-mill, wouldn't know what to do with the money in the first place bable fish. The only reason the last fish ran off with the money was it was not a fish, but Mr.Scuzzo, the notorious pan-dimensional, shape-changing, master-criminal; who just was passing through and needed some spare change for the taxi...

* Looks at the dishwasher, the dishwasher does a completely impossible impression of looking rueful - indeed the linguistic contingency 'metaphor' was never meant to cover such eventualities. The dishwasher decides after aquiring a rudimentary intelligence (just for this sole task, mind), that under the circumstances working perfectly is a good career move; because:-
a) HE is capable of ripping every atom of its feeble existence apart
b) That does seem to be a rather study wrench HE has just found... *

* Looks over to the bar *

This is rather potent drop...

- Moving in Mysterious Ways.

Good grief!

No wonder people don't go to church any more.

At h2g2, Church comes to us.
*packs dishwasher with dirty glasses, adds soap and hits ENTER*
*dishwasher proceeds to wash dishes*
Well! Very good! Thanks, God. Nothing like a bit of divine intervention to brighten up a bank holiday Monday.

Hi all... ~Greebo walks behind bar and pours herself a large glass of milk from the bar fridge... checks Babel fish... ~

Sorry little fishie... no name yet... ~grin~

~looks to other in bar~

Guess where me has been today... ~seeing the blank looks surrounding her... Greebo hurries on~

Me went to the Melton Show today... tis the biggest free show in England... got some doughnuts... hmmmm... me was going to share... but me ate them all... sorry... me did bring some fudge... candy floss and popcorn though... if you want it...

*reaches for fudge*
What are Meltons, and how do they rate such a big show?

Candy floss. I've not had that for years...

Hmmm...there was no holiday for me today. That was last week. At least there was no non-religious holiday. But I knew there was a reason I founded my own church.

So is founding your own church a good thing then?

Grebo, do tell us about the Melton Show.

The Melton Show...
by Greebo T. Cat

In the quiet Leics town of Melton Mowbray, ~grin~... where the Pork Pies used to come from... but don't any more... except for one shop... that actually still makes its own Melton Mowbray Pork Pies.. ~bigger grin~ ... a large show is held every year... live bands... radio broadcasts... rides... tombola's... raffles... and doughnuts... plus a large central arena... with staged exibitions and shows... like sheep dog trials and motorbike exerbitions... army cadets... marching bands etc... This show takes over the town two large parks and the town center... it is totally free to enter... unlike many of the large shows today... such as The East of England Show held at Peterborough... (next month... sometime around the 16th, 17th and 18th... or something like that)

Hmmm... did me mention the doughnuts were fantastic... fresh... just cooked... still warm... so yummy... me would die for another... hmmmmm...

~Greebo wonders off.. licking her lips... in a dream world...~

Well... ~grin~... you did ask!!!