h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Many long periods of time ago, MaW stored an Alledari Battlecruiser inside Hanger #11. Many things have happened during that time, not least of which was the sudden cessation of the existance of the Alledari Battlecruiser when it came up for a renewal of its tax disk.


* MaW, and five very cute penguins which are just tall enough to come eye-level with MaW's waist, flicker into being near the entrance to Hanger #11. The penguins immediately start climbing on top of each other to look in through the small window in the door, hampered only slightly by MaW opening said door. Dust billows out. One of the penguins asks why there's so much dust in such an advanced space station. *

MaW: I have absolutely no idea. Something odd is going on, that's for sure... maybe they've just got Abandonment Effect Generators or something... cockcroaches, too.

* a crockcroach tries to leave the hanger, but one of the penguins sqaushes it *

MaW: Something strange is going on here... penguins, why don't you go in first and have a look?

* the penguins go inside. MaW leans against the wall to wait, finding a bag of jelly beans in his pocket to help pass the time. A while later there is a large explosion, and a very dazed penguin flies through the door *

MaW: Think I'm going to need some more help here...

*wanders by*

What's happening here?

I'm not sure. That's the problem. I don't suppose you have any way to tell what it was that just exploded inside my hanger, do you? Only it seems to have deprived me of some penguins.

I guess the only way to find out what exploded is to get in and take a look...

I was afraid you were going to say that...

* MaW squares his shoulders, straightens his long sinister black coat and peers inside the hanger *

Hopefully nothing else is going to explode.

* he goes inside, looking carefully before placing his feet *

*sneaks in behind him*

* MaW holds up a hand, and a ball of light appears above it to light the way. Right in front of him is revealed to be a charred area, with a wounded penguin lying a few metres away from it. The smell of slightly old herring is thick in the air. MaW crouches down by the penguin and stares at it for a few moments before pulling out a small black box, which he points at the penguin before pressing a button on the top. The penguin freezes in place, then vanishes with a slight 'pop' *

The penguin says there was a bucket of herring. The moment one of them touched it, it exploded. I've sent him back to the Ministry to get his injuries seen to.

Now who might want to plant an exploding bucket of herring in my hanger? Evidently somebody who knew I'd send in some penguins. Maybe the same person who made my Battlecruiser vanish.

I don't like this... There have been too many things like this happening here lately...

Have there? Hmm...

Yes, that is suspicious.

* sprays odour neutraliser to get rid of the fish smell *

Do you have any suspects?

Err...

No.

* pulls out a portable scanning device *

Maybe there's some genetic material floating around.

*hopes that none of it is hers*

Yes, some of it is yours, but it looks like it's all stuff you've dropped since you came in just now. There is something rather odd though... it's not penguin DNA, and it's certainly not mine or yours.

* he frowns and hands over the scanner *

What do you think? Looks like Hagunennon DNA, but it's not quite the same. I think somebody's been playing with genetic engineering.

Uh-oh... I have bad experiences of genetic engineering...

So do I. Do you have a massive great big data uplink system here? This little portable thing doesn't have the bandwidth to get me any kind of useful information back from the Ministry of Evil before the start of the next decade.

Sure, just follow me... wait a minute, Ministry of Evil, you say? Can I trust you're not doing anything - evil - there?

* MaW rolls his eyes *

It's the Ministry of Evil. What do you _think_ we do there? Most of the time we research magic-based technology in order to further our desire to have whatever we want, whenever we want it and to hell with the rest of the Universes. Does that answer your question?

We have no particular interest in ruling any territory if that's what you're worried about. I couldn't stand the paperwork, and the penguins aren't very good at it at all.

Okay... Well... I guess I can trust you then... Here, you can use these machines...

* MaW wakes up *

Huh? What? Wassup? Yikes! I've turned into the Minister for Magecraft while I've been asleep! Eeek!

* he frowns *

Who's that?