h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

When I was about four, we had to move to a little run down house outside of Edmonton Alberta. There was an outhouse and no running water. We spent a lot of time fixing it up, but we still didn't have indoor plumbing. It must have been really hard on my mother, she didn't drive and we were miles away from anywhere, basically in the middle of a cow pasture.

One morning, my brother opted to use the outhouse at 6:00 am, rather than the honey pot under the bed. He got up, did his business and came into the house. He didn't shut the door all the way. We were playing quietly in the bedroom when we heard a noise in the kitchen. We went to look, and standing in the middle of the kitchen, quite placidly, was a cow! She had followed my brother in. We stood amazed for a while, and realized that we had to tell my mother.

We argued for a while about who should go wake her up and tell her and finally he reluctantly agreed. I heard:

"mom, mom, MOM."
What!
"UMM, theres a cow in the kitchen"
What?
There's a cow in the kitchen.
"Theres a cow in the kitchen?"
UMM, yep
"What do you mean there's a cow in the kitchen?"
"Its standing in the kitchen"
"If I get up, there better be a cow in the kitchen(sound of footsteps)
OH MY GOD, THERE'S A COW IN THE KITCHEN"
I decided that it would be prudent to go back to bed. My mother and my brother pushed and hit the cow with a rubber boot and finally got it out of the kitchen. Fortunately, it did not leave a calling card.

That's my story.