Why it's Great to be a Guy

2 Conversations

Back to So Long And Thanks For Laughing

100 reasons it's great to be a guy:

  1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
  2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
  3. You know stuff about tanks.
  4. A five day holiday requires only one suitcase.
  5. Monday Night Football.
  6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
  7. Woman looking at men peeing
  8. Your toilet queues are 80% shorter.
  9. You can open all your own jars.
  10. Old friends don't care if you've lost or gained weight.
  11. Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.
  12. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stop at every shot of someone crying.
  13. Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
  14. All your orgasms are real.
  15. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
  16. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
  17. You don't have to carry a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
  18. You understand why 'Stripes' is funny.
  19. You can go to the toilet without a support group.
  20. Your last name stays put.
  21. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
  22. When your work is criticised, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
  23. You can kill your own food.
  24. The garage is all yours.
  25. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  26. You see the humour in 'Terms of Endearment'.
  27. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
  28. You never have to clean the toilet.
  29. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
  30. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
  31. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  32. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
  33. Your underwear is 10 quid for a three pack.
  34. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
  35. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
  36. You don't have to shave below your neck.
  37. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy arse every night.
  38. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
  39. You can write your name in the snow.
  40. You can get into a nontrivial p*****g contest.
  41. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
  42. Chocolate is just another snack.
  43. You can be President.
  44. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
  45. Flowers fix everything.
  46. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
  47. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
  48. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
  49. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
  50. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
  51. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
  52. Foreplay is optional.
  53. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
  54. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
  55. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
  56. Electrocution
  57. You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader is coming by.
  58. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
  59. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  60. You don't give a rat's hole if someone notices your new haircut.
  61. You can watch a game in silence with you pal for hours without even thinking. "He must be mad at me".
  62. The world is your urinal.
  63. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
  64. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
  65. Hot wax never comes near you pubic area.
  66. One mood, all the time.
  67. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
  68. You never have to drive to another petrol station because this one's just too scary.
  69. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
  70. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
  71. Same work....more pay.
  72. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
  73. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
  74. Wedding Dress 2 grand; Tux rental 100 quid.
  75. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
  76. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
  77. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
  78. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
  79. The remote is yours and yours alone.
  80. People never glance at your chest when your talking to them.
  81. ESPN's sports centre.
  82. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
  83. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
  84. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
  85. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
  86. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the toilet.
  87. If you don't call your pal when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
  88. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
  89. You can rationalise any behavior with the handy phrase "F**k it!"
  90. Football star in sunglasses
  91. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
  92. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.
  93. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
  94. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
  95. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
  96. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
  97. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  98. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
  99. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
  100. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
  101. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"
  102. Baywatch
  103. Finally - There is always a game on somewhere.
So Long, And Thanks For Laughing

Bookmark on your Personal Space



Infinite Improbability Drive

Infinite Improbability Drive

Read a random Edited Entry


h2g2 is created by h2g2's users, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of the Not Panicking Ltd. Unlike Edited Entries, Entries have not been checked by an Editor. If you consider any Entry to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please register a complaint. For any other comments, please visit the Feedback page.

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more