h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

~residence~

I hate it when my fingers don't listen to my brain!

That's what we really need, a bot to do our typing for us. "Bot, take a post to this thread!"

Matina the Greek maidbot. That's as good as it can possibly be, because she'll know how to make mbougatses even better than me.

Was that iambic pentameter?

*Passes by the door to this room in the lab and notices Styx. Stops and enters the room and reviews the tapes.*

My, but you have been patient, Styx! Let's see, you wanted Styx-sized tools. Specifically, a pen, maybe a computer, rock hammer, screw driver, awl.

Well, those things should be no problem. Some of them, I could probably find around right now. Just a minute.

*GL exits the room and comes back a few minutes later.*

Okay. I have here a rock hammer that should be just your size. It was originally made for paleontological work where extreme care needed to be take, so it was small. And here are a few chisels to go with it. I also have this little computer - it was a prototype for the watch computers that Affy and I both use. It should fit in your backpack and leave a little room to spare. It is voice operated, so you will have to train it to recognize your voice, but that shouldn't take long.

Now, the screwdriver, awl and pen are things that I will have to adapt, or make new. It will take a day or two, but I'm sure I can come up with useful models. I'll throw in anything else I can think of too.

Have fun with your new stuff and see you in a couple of days.

*Comes back a little later and notices that Minoova hasn't been worked on for a while. Looks at watch. Decides that he could spare a little time and begins working on the transformation.*

Okay, then. A new nationality chip.

*is very pleased* Wolf Boy OK! Good tools!
I'll come back for other tools, search for something good for shape-changers.
*red eyes glow pleased*
*finds places for tools in backpack and goes away to look at computer*

[The sound of three mad Sith clones making noise is heard in the room directly above.] http://www.h2g2.com/F32669?thread=70284

*Looks up at the noise. Looks back at Minoova/Matina.*

Well, she is almost done. Just some finishing touches on this Helenic beauty. And a classic beauty she is! Aught to turn some heads, but not in the same way as Minoova.

*Sighs*

Guess I had better check out what is going on in the room above.

*Exits*

*Renters with a lunchbox-sized wooden box with a handle on top. Undoes the clasps on the box and opens it.*

Styx should like this! A mini core sample drill. Runs for a couple of hours before needing recharging. He can plug in the recharger up in his room. Or his buddy's room, I should say. I'll just leave him a note.


Styx - here are the rest of the tools. The pen should be just the right size for you and it will write in blue, red, black or purple (use the button on the side to select colour). If it runs out of ink, bring it back. I can refill it. The awl is pretty straightforward. I put a rubber grip on it though. And the screwdriver has a detachable blade and several other blades so that it can work on any type of screws. The blades store in the handle. They rattle a bit, but if you wanted to be quiet, you could stuff a bit of cloth in the handle to stop them rattling. Oh, and I made this multi-wrench for you too. I always liked this design, with the cam so that it will fit any nut size and it was fun making a smaller version.

Let me know if you can think of anything else that would be useful.

[There is a bizarre-sounding weapons discharge. The three clones crash through the ceiling.]

*sighs*
*summons the securibots who still have Kumabear's duct tape gun*

*the securibots immediately immobilize the threeclowns, er clones with duct tape from head to foot while they are still sprawled on the floor, dazed from the 12 foot fall, blinded by plaster dust, scratched by the rather solid building materials through which they somehow fell and which have now fallen on top of them*

This is like the fifth or sixth crashing-through-a-ceiling I've been obliged to experience in the past couple of months. Can't you people use doors? Is this supposed to make us notice you more?

Have you read the backlog?

Do you know what's upstairs?

Have you accounted for what is upstairs?

You spoke to me quite rudely in the Aroma Cafe a while back, young man, so we'll have no protests if I'm a little heavy with you now. In the first place there is still a force field in effect because we were attacked by True Brownie zealots while testing brownies in another thread on this forum.

In the second place, the room upstairs is my gallery. CLI are my landlords; I live upstairs. Have you put anything anywhere to account for this disruptive action? I hope not, actually. The salon is a discussion and relaxation place, not a bloody adventure.

In the third place, why this disruptive action? We're just trying to re-commission a bot that was hijacked by another researcher.

Now we're going to have to account for all the crap that you've caused to fall on and into it while it's being operated on.

So as far as I'm concerned the lot of you can just lie there and breathe gently till Garius or Affi get back and decide what to do about you and your breach of continuity.

*walks out leaving securibots on guard*

Now let me see. What room was just above here.

*Scratches head. Decides to give his brain a rest and goes and gets the latest plans.*

Oh yes, I see. One of the guest rooms. Now I wonder how they got there. Suppose I should review the security camera tapes,.

*Exits and returns a while later.*

So, Ampton let them in. That would explain how they got past the force field. He must have thought they were guests at the Atelier. That would explain why he let them in and why he put them in a guest room. I'll have to speak to him - he seems to be getting a bit lax.

Now, what to do with these duct-taped parcels. Hmmmmmm. I suppose I aught to cut them free.

*Starts cutting the duct tape and removing it - a painful process on hairy parts of the body.*

[Y2K uses the Schwartz to neutralize the stickiness effects of duct tape, rendering it useless]

[Y2K] Hi!

Um, Hi.

You know, Lil was right about the continiuty stuff. The rooms upstairs are part of her Atelier (she rents the upstairs), so you weren't really in one of the Lab's rooms. I think I have fixed it now, but there is still that hole in the ceiling...

There is some MiraclePatch in the next room, if you want to use that to fix it. Good thing you came through over an empty corner of this room - wouldn't have wanted dust and stuff to get into Matina here.

While you're fixing the ceiling, I'm just going to finish off Matina. Then I can look at your new ... um ... chef... what was it?

*Makes final adjustments through the control panel on Matina's back. Looks at orange button and wonders if it will work now.*

*Closes the panel on Matina's back. Takes a deep breath and flick the on switch. A quiet low hum slowly rises in pitch until it is inaudible. Matina's eyes open. She stares sightlessly at GL for a moment, then comes to her senses, blushes and turns away. She soon overcomes her bashfulness and begins to glide back and forth across the room, trying out her wheels.*

Good, good, Matina. Come on out to the main lab and you can try out your other skills. I want to try out your orange button, too. Then we can go upstairs and you can meet your owner, Asteroid Lil.

*GL and the happy Matina exit*

[All three] THE CHEFINATOR!

*comes in, surprised by rubble in corner*
Bring in the clowns heh heh heh

*finds note from Wolf Boy. reads and nods*
What excellent tools. *finds places in back pack for everything but charger* Bulky, this. Ampton buddy! Get this up to Quorthon suite for me? Good pal.
*leaves following Ampton with good stuff*

[Y2K] Well, we want the Chefinator patented and distributed by CLI.

*Comes in brushing hands.*

Now, where were we?

*Glances a ceiling*

Oh, yes. You were about to fix the ceiling ...

Then we were going to talk about the chef-thingy.

[they all look at each other]

[All three] YOU two do it.

[They look up and use the Force and the Schwartz to put the ceiling up]

[Y2K] Right. As I was saying --

[Ampton falls through the ceiling. The clones use the Force and the Schwartz to actually fix it]

[Y2K] As I was saying, we want the Chefinator patented and distributed by CLI.

[Y3K] And a lot of money.

[Y4K] For me.

[Y2K] C'mon, guys, you aren't helping.