h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Watches as the carpet leads Gord over to Amos. The carpet lays down beside Amos and wiggles under as far as it can.*

Here, Gord. Help me roll him the rest of the way onto the carpet.

*GL and Gord roll Amos onto the carpet. GL wipes his brow and looks at Amos, now hovering a foot above the ground.*

You know, I can't tell which way is up anymore.

Er, I think he is face up. Or, maybe not.

Anyway, let's get back to the camp. You can come along too, Fisher Person.

*Heads back to the camp, towing the carpet.*

That's Amos? Oh, wow. Orchids're a bit bad this year....

Yeah, really bad.

*Decides not to mention the Orchid shoes Affy is wearing.*

*Gets back to the camp and ties the laden carpet to the raft. The raft gently rocks it's passenger.

Gord's stomach rumbles and he hopes that breakfast is on the way. In the meantime, he looks around, searching for someone. He spies Ivana and walks over to her.*

Er, IAN, can I have a few words in private?

*looks longingly into Gord's eyes *

Of course, Gord ...... it's quiet down by the River.

*strolls down to the River with Gord*

*Walks close by IAN and notices the heat from her body.*

Well, IAN, first of all I wanted to thank you again for saving my life. It was very brave what you did and I am indebted to you for it.

*looks puzzled*

But I don't understand it, either. That Gobold cut you free before he attacked me. He thought you an ally, yet you helped me against him.

Oh Gord, I've been wanting to tell you but you should know that I've not always been good. I've had what you might call an "interesting" life and I've done things that I'm not proud of

Saving you was the first good deed I've done for a very long time.

What do you know about "the seven" ?

The seven? Do you mean those Gobolds who attacked us? What do you know about them? I recognised their King - I had been his slave before these people I'm with released me. What do you know about them?

*Idly scratches at an orchid on his wrist*

*looks round nervously*

The Seven refers to the s Gord. They are inherently evil and were carried by The Goblin-King and his Horde. Have you never heard of the rhyme ?

"Three dougnuts for the italic-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Gobolds in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Researchers doomed to never die"

No....I haven't heard that one. You see, we're all from the past - we came here through a temporal rift. So we are unfamiliar with how things have evolved since our own time. Funny coincidence that I would run into the same King Gobold that enslaved me in what would be your far distant past.

So, the seven Gobolds were carrying these s? Hmmmm. Weren't you carrying a doughnut when I first captured you?

If you haven't heard the rhyme you must have come from an ancient time ...... maybe even from the fabled "Golden Age" of H2G2.

Things started to go wrong at the time of the [Digi]Boxer revolt. That caused a long and drawn out war that exhausted the believers in the Guide and allowed The One to start his rise to power. This was a bleak time and when the s were forged it gave him near supremacy on H2G2 Island. The last of the believers in the Guide are near total collapse.

The you took from me. That was one of "The Nine" .

*notices an orchid shaped mark appear on her forearm*

It's evil has worn off though ..... I am becoming susceptible to the infestation bred by The One

Nope - I tried body-searching Bamm Bamm, but I still didn't manage to find any ...

...and by now he's probably dead, drowned!

Who is this "One"? And are only those who carry his doughnuts immune from these damned Orchids? We really need to find a way to help Amos. And there's no way we can go back to our own time while we are still infected ourselves. Who knows what trouble that would cause.

No one knows who The One is Gord. The only thing known about him is that he's a shadowy figure of immense power who prefers to work through other powerful agencies that are under his control.

The orchids are merely one of his diabolical schemes. He bred them of the most beautiful stock and then warped and twisted their genetic code until they became the deadly plant you have all become exposed to. There is only one known cure and only one way back to your time.

IAN, you MUST tell me. What is the cure? And how do we get back?

The only way to get a cure is at the Temple of The Guide. It is a long journey and a dangerous one for you have to traverse the CLI-STUMPED Mining complex

You'll have to go through the mine, and that will be hard because of the Nine. The way is perilous but there is no other way - some years ago it was easier but now it is not possible.

The only way you can get back is to find where the return Rift is. The One uses it to kidnap researchers from the past to become "volunteers" in his facilities.

It is not easy being a researcher in these dark times Gord

*Feels an urge to put an arm around IAN, but resists.*

I know it is a lot to ask, but would you be willing to show us the way? Or at least draw us a map?

*Thinks: she's not so bad, for a human*

*dives again, in a final, desperate attempt to save either Bamm Bamm or the *

Caer, things seem relatively quiet for the moment. Let's get the tea service out and see what we can put together.

*Starts rummaging through the raft, looking for provisions from the previous expedition. An orchid falls into the hood of Witty's jacket and creeps towards her neck.*