h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*falls awkwardly to the ground and stares up in terror into the demonic eyes of the Gobold King*

.... The One ! No please not that, anything but that, I'll promise to be good, I didn't mean it, it just happened, there was a tidal wave, I ran out of gas, I had a flat tire, I didn't have enough money for cab fare, my tux didn't come back from the cleaners, an old friend came in from out of town, someone stole my car, there was an earthquake! a terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to god!

**Back at the camp**

*Falls to the ground, but immediately rolls away from IAN and springs to his feet. He dives at the King before the King is half-way up.*

*Is bowled over, but fights fiercely, rolling over and over. Eventually ends up on top of Gord, with both hands around his neck.*

*running towards the King as fast as she can go - 300m away*

*dazed and half crazed with terror Ivana pulls a knife from her belt and stabs the King behind the knee where a gap exists in his chain mail*

*Ivana receives a shock and her knife arm goes numb. She faints in a dead swoon*

*running towards the King as fast as she can go - 200m away*

*she hears a cry of pain as the King is stabbed from behind*

*When the King's grip loosens momentarily after being stabbed behind the knee, Gord manages to get an arm free and reach down into his boot for his knife. He brings the arm up and stabs the King in the side. He then breaks free and rolls the King off of him.*

*Although severely wounded, the King gets up on his hands and knees.*

I'll get you for this! Betraying your kind! And you, Ivana, will feel the wrath of The One!

*Starts to crawl away*

*Unaware of the severity of the King's wounds, Gord tackles the King. He brings the Kings arms behind him and ties them again.*

I don't know what went wrong last time. I thought I had him securely tied.

IRL at the Blues Brothers reference

*helps Ti up and dusts her off*

Whatever it was, it's gone now. Although it's foul residue seems to have remained. *sniffs* Let's head back to the raft and see if everyone is ok...

*starts in that direction, more carefully this time, holding her... kumquat at the ready*

*The lastest Super Arrow misses.*

*Cries out in pain after being jumped on again* OUCH!!!

*Tries to feel his toes again and discovers that he can feel them now. Uncurls from his ball-state. Looks around and sees no intruders near to him. Begins rummaging through his gear and finds some rope and some duct tape. Wraps some duct tape around the end of the rope, sticky-side out, and tries to snag the end of the line that is hanging from the derigible*

*Ivana comes round and sees Gord trying to bind the King. Now seriously worried about Gord's ability to secure the Gobold, Ivana rushes to his side*

Gord, I'm sorry to stop you like this but it's really important that you keep the King secured. If he gets away again he'll be able to call upon powerful allies which we will not be able to withstand and our struggle with be for nothing .


*looks at the Knot*


I think I can improve upon this if you'll let me - I was chief knotter in my girl guide troop you know. If you take that end there and weave it through this loop here, then take the other end, wrap it round these cords here, pull tight, make another loop, thread the first end through it, then take the second end and tie it in a shank with the the first end you should have a knot that cannot be untangled in any circumstances.

*running towards the King as fast as she can go - 100m away*

*she sees the King being tied up with a fantastically complex Knot by a Gobold and a Human working together*

Er, thanks IAN. That modification of my knot sure improves it.

*stands up*

And thanks for saving my life, again. I don't know how, but I will find a way to show my gratitude.

I don't intend to tie you up again. If you wish to go, I won't stop you.

I don't want to go ..... I don't ever want to leave you.

*spits*

Pah! You belong together, traitors!

If I had my torc, I would put a curse on you both that would follow you around for the rest of your pitiful lives!

*Bends down and gets his pack. Pulls out the torc.*

You mean this one?

*Eyes bug out*

MY....TORC....

*There is a gurgle in the King's throat, he clutches his chest and gasps for breath, then collapses on the sand. His form then turns wraith-like and the wispy form rapidly flips through different images: Hamlet, King Henry the VIII, King John, a large hamburger, Elvis and finally a giant Ape. The mist dissapates and all that is left is the knotted rope that held him.*

I thought I had the Torc? Could be wrong though

*Enters the camp in wolf form, then transforms into human form. Walks over to IAN and Gord and the knotted rope.*

Er, I got lost in the woods. Had to follow my own trail to get back.

*Picks up the rope and examines the knot. Casually tries to undo it, unsuccessfully. Tries harder to undo it, unsuccessfully. Does everything he can to undo it, including using his teeth and his knife. Nothing works.*

This knot won't come undone! You two should patent it. You could call it the Gord-IAN knot!