h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi guys. Welcome back.

I was cleaning up the 24-Seven and had to throw a lot of spoiled food out of the ICR. What a mess!

Do you have the technology for null entropy fields? You know, like in the Dune series by Frank Herbert? It would be great if you could modify the ICR so it formed an NEF around the contents.

Is everything ship-shape around here since the re-opening?

Things look generally okay, since Ampton was still here all that time. He has a thing about dusting though - just refuses to do it. See.

*Takes a book from a shelf and blows along the top of it. Disappears in a cloud of dust. Sounds of choking and coughing from inside cloud. The cloud clears, revealing a red-eyed, coughing GL.*

I wish I hadn't done that.

Speaking of Ampton, I wonder where he is. I haven't seen him since I got back. He'll turn up, I suppose.

*sneezes*

I'd noticed, but I didn't want to mention it. That's why I didn't sit down.

*points to a chair covered with a fine layer of dust*

*Affy emerges from the dust on the chair, coughing, sputtering, and waving a feather duster all around himself*

I made the mistake of using that chair...*cough*...I don't rec-*cough, splutter, cough cough*...I don't recommend it. *sneeze*

*Affy waves the majority of the cloud out from his face, and faces WM*

As for your query, yes, we have the equipment you need. CLI always has been, and (if I have anything to say about it) will always be a haven for the technologies of sci-fi junkies. And Dune, as far as I'm concerned, is about as 'junky' as sci-fi can get. Eh? Get it? It's about as 'junky'?

*Crickets emenate from the PA speakers. Affy kicks it, and gales of audience laughter issue forth before eventually receding*

I never should've given that thing sarcasm,...oh, but in all seriousness, yes, we're not unfamiliar with the Dune technologies. I believe that we have some of that in the back. Just give me a few minutes.

*Affy exits through a dust-covered exit, mumbling something about robots, dust bunnies, lemon scented sprays, and static charge*

*GL suddenly has an idea for a photonic dust blaster and hurriedly scribbles some notes in a note pad. He pauses, pencil in mouth, scratching his head.*

Hmmmmmm. A bit risky, but it might just work.

*Affy hurries in from the back rooms, coughing*

Okay, we've got some Null Entropy Fields back here. They aren't as up to date as we could hope, but they should work until we can get some replacement parts. Would you like to have it here, or would you prefer it delivered to the 24-7?

Oh, I'm no good at installing equipment. I'd prefer if you stop by the store and install it. Come when you're hungry and I'll feed you. The current thread is: http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F49574?thread=100664&post=850522#p850522 Garius, let me know when you get a RL version of that dust blaster. For some reason, I have an amazing amount of dust accumulation at home. But, I can't understand why my keyboard is always clean.

I'll have this packaged and sent to you immediately.

*GL comes back in from another lab with a large gun-like device in his hand.*

Well, we didn't have a 12-zamfer godistor, so I had to improvise a bit, but it should still work. I think.

Okay, everyone stand back.

*GL points the Photonic Dust Blaster at the bookshelf, lowers his welder's mask, and fires. There is a bright flash from the muzzle of the PDB and all of the dust in the room leaps off of the surfaces where it had been lying and fills the air. GL coughs and backs out of the room after Affy and WM. He shuts the door, raises the welding mask and grins at the others.*

Well, the dust raiser part works and that was the hardest part. The dust coagulator needs some work, though. And with no coagulated dust ball to zap, I can't tell whether the dust vapourizer works yet.

Ah well, back to the drawing board.

*Grins maniacally*

"Explosions Build Character!" Not sure if this technically counts as an explosion, but I take any opportunity to repeat the company motto!

Say, Witty, I've got something that I want your opinion on. I'm trying to develop a brand of soda (Crater Fizz?), and want your opinion of this first flavor. It's called "Goo Classic". It looks disgusting, but I actually think that it's an okay drink. Could you try it out? I want to know how marketable it is.

*Witty takes the glass from Affy and sips.*

Texture: Hmmmm... thicker than your typical soda, but not as thick as a milkshake. Appropriatley Goo-ey. On a scale of 1-10, I give it an 8.

Flavor: An interesting combination of blueberry and blackberry with an underlayment of crystalized ginger. Terrific! A 10, no doubt.

Aroma: Robust berry scent with the ginger top note. I love it, another 10.

Appearance: You're right, you need to tweak it a bit. Barely a 3. It just too dark to be appetizing. Instead of pulverizing the ginger, why don't you leave it in slightly bigger bits and suspend it in the solution? Then it'll be sparkly and spacey looking. The utter definition of Goo!

Thanks, Witty! I knew your experience at the 24-7 could be counted on!

Now, I'll just tweak the soda mixers a bit when I get the cance. When that happens, I'll try to market it to the various industries around hootoo. It'd be nice to market this stuff to those places. I wonder if Irv'd let me sell this at the Cafe,...just out of curiosity, Witty, how much do you think I could sell this for?

Oh, I'm no good when it comes to galactic credits. I don't have very many customers at the 24-Seven, but the till is never empty and Alien hasn't had to evict me for non-payment of rent. Things just seem to work themselves out.

And most of the commodities here tend to trade in kind, anyway. As a matter of fact, I do believe that everything in h2g2 is tied to the donut/doughnut, is it not?

Well, most of *our* community is tied to the doughnut/donut, yes, although there have been some exceptions. For instance, I know that The Masque has an illegal arms and armaments supply store on the Space Station, and he charges for things in platinum disks.

Whereas I charge whatever I can get. Donuts, zorkmids, doughnuts, galactic credits, pastries, dollars, jelly rolls, pounds, muffins, treasure, etc. Although I will admit that we do a great deal of barter as well.

I wonder who I could get this to, though. I would of course ask the 24-7, the Aroma Cafe, and maybe the Cantina. But what then? Frinks Drinks? The F&F? The Cafe Nervosa? Moma Peta's Italien Restaurant? Hmmmm, I'll have to cover a lot of ground...

Don't forget the Crossed Purposes, the Cheshire Grin Inn, Joanna's Donought/Donut stall and the BOF Inn. Nah, forget about the BOF, they would'nt want anything brand new on the premises.

Oh, yes, thank you for reminding me of those fine buisiness establishments, Witty.

*A new can of soda comes down a converyor belt*

Here's the new brand. Tell me what you think of it now.

*Witty pops open the can and breaks a nail.*

Rats! I hate when that happens.

*Tastes the latest version of the soda.*

Excellent. I think you have a winner here, Affy.

Ah, good. Now, if only there was a way that I could create a logo that cold be put on the Guide...

Anyway, I'll have to find some markets to start this thing out in. Witty, would you mind marketing this product at the 24-7? After all, as the taste tester, I think you've got rights to the first off-the-shelf sale.

*Witty examines the watch-like device that the Professor gave her, the Time Expander. She presses the button for the first time, which allows her to essentially accomplish 2 things at the same time.*

Sure, Affy. Nothing would please me more than to sell this product at the 24-Seven.

If this device works the way I expect, I'll be sort of like Hermione Granger.

*Wonders what the other Witty is doing right now. Reaches for a soda.*

Can I have one of these Affy?