h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You did WHAT? Oh the poor kid.

You can lead kids to water but you can't teach them to fish. They will insist they teach themselves because to a kid, fishing looks easy. "I can do it," they snort petulantly. This statement is second only to that old goodie "I didn't do it" in terms of popular use. Even small humans have pride, and when they arrive at the fishing spot on the wharfside on their first expedition to hook what they hope will be a killer whale, all they see are other kids fishing. It's a case of "if they can do it so can I." And to be fair, it's understandable for a kid NOT to want to he seen letting mum or dad put the bait on, or casting the line. That is simply not cool. They see the whole fishing deal as simplicity with a capital S. (S can also stand for snapper or snag.) So after "requesting" mum and dad buy a fishing line it's a simple case of fixing a bit of liver or gravy beef to the hook, chuck it in then reel in a fish ... then get someone else to take the smelly thing off for you. To a kid it looks easy, but they soon discover it isn't.

Sure, the fish will tantalisingly nibble and tug at the line, but few herrings or spotties appear to find undersea life so unbearable that committing suicide is seen as an easy way out. Rather, they see that slab of meat as an easy meal. That's the thing about fishing: there's a knack to it. It took me (as a kid) several fruitless expeditions to the farthest reaches of Higgens Wharf before I realised that skewering half a fillet of beef to a hook big enough to snare a yellowfin tuna was not the way to pull in some luckless sprat. "Your hooks are too big," one of the bigger kids said as I struggled to carve up what appeared to him as a side of mutton. "If you put too much bait on they'll just nibble at it and gobble it all up." He continued doing his bit to pillage the immediate environs of every species imaginable while I was left to simply fatten up the fish for people like him to haul in the following month.

I noticed his line. Shiny, close to invisible nylon and strung with just two hooks - small and deadly. Mouthful-sized slivers of what appeared to be white meat (I later found out it was squid) hung appealingly off the barbs. I listened, looked and learned. A few weeks later a mate and I wandered through the port gates dodged the battalions of slumbering wharfies [waterside workers] and excessively rouged young ladies (don't know what they were doing there) and headed for our favourite spot, down the little steps to a sort of platform which was half in the water. This time we were well prepared. We'd bought spools of nylon and rigged them with about a dozen hooks. It was called raising the odds. Baited, they looked like strings of red Christmas tree lights as we lowered them into the choppy water. To further increase our chances of killing something for no good reason we sprinkled breadcrumbs on the water. Nothing. A couple of nibbles by those ugly cockabully things and that was it. It seemed the nearest fish to the port that day was probably somewhere off Easter Island. We resorted to scrambling among the piles and bearers until my mate fell in and I lost my line. It wasn't until I eventually saved up and bought a fishing rod, and got a bit more focused about fishing, that I started doing my bit to prompt the introduction of quotas.

And so it eventually came to pass that when my grandson was six I took him fishing. "I can do it," he said of the art of baiting, so I smiled and let him amuse himself by wrapping a ridiculously large slab of meat to the little hook and dropping it into the green waters of the Iron Pot*. As I was explaining somewhat condescendingly that one had to be a "teeny-weeny bit" more judicious in how much bait should he put on the hook he snared a well matured, fat herring. After we got home, and he proudly told his mum he'd got a big fish and granddad got "some dumb little ones" I went to the shed down the back and sullenly stayed there until teatime. Which turned out to be ... fish, so I went to the club and scaled new heights of drunkenness.

*So called because in the 19th Century whalers boiled their blubber there.

I did that to my Dad... I caught two rainbow trout and he didn't catch any, although I must admit he was spending so much time helping me that I really didn't do much beyond hold the rod.

I don't really like fishing though. Too much sitting around. I'd much rather go and do some Archery or Tai Chi.

I did that to my Dad... I caught two rainbow trout and he didn't catch any, although I must admit he was spending so much time helping me that I really didn't do much beyond hold the rod.

I don't really like fishing though. Too much sitting around. I'd much rather go and do some Archery or Tai Chi.

Forgive me, for I have sinned. I put my name down as one of the Foundation's first members when it started, then wandered into the wilderness for many a long month and forgot that this place existed.
I would now like to return like a prodigal son, not least because I've been having ferocious arguments with religious right types in the Talking Point debate on abortion, and it has reminded me how important it is to resist such creatures every millimetre of the way.
Why must they get born again when in their case once was more than enough?
BTW, I joined so early that I was never given a job description. How about Devil's Advocate?

Hmm... sounds like an interesting position...

I offer my services as "Highpriest of The First, Last and Only Church of Agnosticism, The Only Religion built on Pure Science - and Pure Science Only". Amen!

Ormondroyd!!

I'd all but given up on seeing another of the founding members around again. Not to worry, though... as you can see, this place hasn't been lonely.

Welcome to the fray, Pierce. In the interests of Foundation harmony, I truncated your title. The atheists here would argue that agnosticism isn't the only cosmology based on science, and the agnostics would shout at you that it isn't a religion. I didn't think you wanted to paint a huge target on your back the instant you arrive here. You don't want to get enfilladed by friendly fire before you get your chance to confront the REAL enemy.

Well, it is just a matter of words, is it not?

I define atheism as "believing" (as in "believing there is no god")

And I define agnosticism as "not knowing" (as in "openmindedness")

Thus agnosticism in its own twisted way can actually be "described" as a religion ("we don't know anything but in order to get somewhere we'll have to believe for now that things are like..." and so on)

BTW: I believe (there I go again) that agnosticists must have fewer enemies than atheists. I mean: Unlike the atheists we do not rule out the possibility of gods existence...

So there!



PS: I do not mind the truncation of my title. Especially if it is in the interest for Foundation harmony!

(...plus it is easier to remember! )

If you wanted to reawaken the atheism vs agnosticism debate, there's a hot debate on it that only recently cooled off over here, off of Fragilis' piece on Agnosticism: http://www.h2g2.com/F54981?thread=83260

Thank you, mon colonel! I will certainly take my time one of the upcoming days to peruse it (just added the link to my favourites) - I'm not sure wether I want to rekindle the fire, though, LOL!

Hmm... a fairly heated debate. I personally am an agnostic, and it has nothing to do with not believing in God. To be an atheist you have to absolutely believe there is no God, are no Gods, something as unprovable as there being a God or Gods (although the latter are more proveable, assuming the God/Gods decided to take a hand in it and were suitably direct). Thus agnosticism could be said, from a certain point of view, to require no faith whatsoever.

In the beginning there was no believe and nothing to believe in. Then man invented something to believe in: cyberspaces he called religion, or mystics, or metaphysics. Could have speared himself a lot of trouble.

I for myself, as an Atheist, am at the beginning: no need to invent or deal with such cyberspaces, except for self defending reasons.

And please don't mention that I can't prove that I am. And that you can. I don't even believe in talking about that. Everything is made up as well: the word "I", the word "prove", the word "am". It's nothing to worry about.

My gathering of information is based only on their usefullness to me, and my acting is based on my genes and my long term egoism.

Hmmm, I believe (!) I did rekindle that fire after all, didn't I? LOL!

Splash. Just poured a bucket of water on it. A little smoke is rising over the scene.

How absolutely unselfish of a lifelong egoist

He's got religion on the sly... burn him!

It's in his own best interests...

HOw about a new beliefsystem: Geneism. I belive I am determinated by my genes. Darwin is my God and Whats-his-name who did all the decoding of the human genes, is his prophet.

And all ethical, social, (and sexual , gell Wonko) problems have their answer in being as they are and you just need to get on with it. Very practical, as there is no need for discussion, just for scientific research.

In Darwins' "On The Origins Of Species", humans are not mentioned.

Actualiy I'm a long term egoist, which is about the same as an altruist (hope the english word is right, at least the german is) and exactly the opposite of an egoist.

So here's another bucket for you, this time full of bottles with beer!!!

Hope my fellows here help me, when they try to burn me! Who is in charge of the weapons, by the way? Which brings us to a very interesting part of american english: the verb "to nuke". They invented a verb for something which only happend twice in the history of mankind. I have a certain fear that maybe sometimes there could be new crusades, this time from USA to Europe.

I have tried, Engländer my friend, to do a definition of life, please have a look at http://www.h2g2.com/A480197. For us earthlings it translates to: we are our genes plus a little bit more. It does exclude solely software based life, but includes life which consists of specialized hardware, which I think is the only way to artificial life and AI.