Let it be stated here that professional televised wrestling is not something to be tossed aside lightly. On the contrary, it should be hurled with great force.

Whether you are watching WCW or WWF, one thing will be certain: you will be either a tiny-minded imbecile or an h2g2 researcher researching an article¹.

Pro-wrestling fans have a number of things in common, by which you can identify them.

Firstly, most of them have low foreheads. Now, this is not an insult; this really is true. Wait until you next see a wrestling viewer: they can barely see the screen through the carpet fibres. This is a slight exaggeration, but nevertheless, it is true.

Secondly, they all wear some form of branded sports clothing, even if it is only a pair of named trainers. Sport is closely related to wrestling, though wrestling is not a sport per se. The reason wrestling is not, say, like football or rugby, is because these require a measure of skill to play them, whereas wrestling simply requires you to be a sweating lump of muscle, wear a pair of extremely tight y-fronts and be able to follow the instructions of a choreographer.

Thirdly, they will all be compulsive readers of pornographic magazines.

Finally, and most amusingly, they are all pathologically homophobic. The reason this is amusing is because they deem it entertaining to watch two large, tanned, muscular sweating blokes with silly macho names wearing nothing but their jockstraps grappling and groping at each other in a ring, cheered on by an almost exclusively male audience. And yet, if these two same men did the same in private, you could film it and sell it on the streets of Amsterdam.

In America, wrestling is watched almost exclusively by sad, pathetic male teenagers and those who live in trailer parks. This is some kind of clue, surely?

Wrestling fans are unworthy of both attention and pity. Avoid them.