h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Cinders stood staring at the shoes in the shoe shop window...she was transfixed, until she heard Beamish coughing impatiently behind her...*

B: Er... Cinders, don't you think that these shoes are not very nice? These over there look much more pretty to me...

*Beamish draws Cinders away from the shop window, to the old woman sitting across the street and trying to sell her old shoes.*

*Cinders is not impressed. After all she'd just been through back at the castle, she'd wanted a nice pair of shoes...Oh well, she was sure she'd be able to get them after the shop had shut.*

Beamish, I don't really think they're *quite* right...*Cinder's try's out her newly perfected puppy dog look out on Beamish...*

*Beamish, who has made some extremely difficult calculations, disagrees.*

B: Look, Cinders, if we buy the old woman's schoes, we could buy a sweet little pink dress for .... you, but if we buy from the shop, we won't be able to afford a ...

*He stops dead when he gets Cinders' intention to "get the shoes after the shop closes"*

*Cinders winks at Beamish when he realises what she'd said...*

Well, if I can't have *those* shoes, then I'd rather just have a nice dress...but not pink. I can get those shoes any time...I think I may still have Gervais's credit card around here somewhere...

*Cinders begins to search her bag...*

*The first shock of his girlfriend suggesting to steal had worn off, and Beamish began considering this possinility... All the dresses he wanted... Without paying... Keeping Cinders happy with many shoes... Now THIS was life!*

B: Let's wait for the night somewhere, honey...

*Cinders flashed an impish grin at Beamish*

Lead the way...

*Cinders finishes sifting through her handbag and produces the Royal Credit Crad...*

You can break into any shop in town using this baby!

(hope you don't mind me barging in...)

*Beamish leads the way to the 'little pigs' pub. They find a table near the back and Beamish orders two Shirley Temples.*

"And make sure they have little umbrellas", he calls out.

"You always know the perfect thing to order", gushes Cinders, begining to see again what she once saw in Beamish.

*Suddenly Cinders realises that her divorce still hasn't come through...another wicked grin crosses her face...*

*Cheating gives me such a thrill, she thinks. I don't think I could stand a conventional relationship. She looks softly at Beamish as he sips his drink delicately through the tiny straw*

*Beamish, noticing first the sly look, then the soft look begins to get suspicious*

Um, Cinders ... maybe we should discuss our, I mean, the future.

*Cinders trys to play it innocently*

Whatever do you mean, Beamish?

*She flutters her eyelashes at him*

*Beamish melts a little*

"W-w-w-w-well, ", he manages to stutter out, "I was thinking that now that the King is dead and the Prince is soon to be sent to the dungeons, the Queen is in absolute control. With her mirror, she is invincible. If her mirror was to be stolen ... "

*Uncontrollable thoughts ran through Cinders head. Gossip, gossip, gossip, gossip...think of the power, the rumours she could start*

Do you think we could do it...?

*Beamish grins conspiratorially*

Well, the first thing we need to do is to discuss this somewhere out of range of the mirror; otherwise she'll know all about it. Trouble is, I have no idea where that might be. Perhaps ...

*Beamish's eyes glaze over as he becomes lost in thought*

I don't know of anywhere that mirror can't see...but I don't think she gets sound.. Either that, or we could cut off her power supply...

I have an idea, follow me.

*Beamish leaves the pub, with Cinders close behind. Once outside, Beamish says:*

I have this friend Jack, who has these amazing bean seeds. He is willing to trade them for an old cow because his mother is upset with him for trading away theirs. So all we need to do is find an old cow.

*Cinders thinks for a bit*

What about my mother, would she do?

*Beamish grins*

Well, I'm not sure Jack's mother would appreciate her showing up. Anyway, maybe we'll see one on our way to Jack's place.

*As they pass over a bridge, a troll jumps out and says: "Who's that clomping across my bridge?"*

*Cinders is not amused*

Clomping? Clomping! CLOMPING!!!

How dare you speak that way to me!

*The troll's jaw drops open*

Noone's ever stood up to me like _that_ before. Um, sorry about the clomping bit, but it's usually goats that cross here and, well ... sorry. Um, would you like an old cow to make up for it? I was saving it for breakfast, but you can have it.

*hands cow's tether to Cinders, who exchanges a knowing look with Beamish*