h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I did not!

Yes you did!

I never!

'ELLO MR NAVIGATORBLACK'S-CLAIM-ON-THE-MOTMV-PIRATE-SHIIII-IIIIP!! NAVIGATORBLACK'S-CLAIM-ON-THE-MOTMV-PIRATE-SHIIII-IIIIP! Mr NAVIGATORBLACK'S-CLAIM-ON-THE-MOTMV-PIRATE-SHIP! WAKE UP!

*Subjects the claim to horrifically vigourus scrutiny and validation checking*

TESTIIIING! TESTIIIING! THIS IS YOUR NINE-O' CLOCK ALARM CALL!

*does it again, but harder*

NAVIGATORBLACK'S-CLAIM-ON-THE-MOTMV-PIRATE-SHIIII-IIIIP!!!

*tosses it up for final scrutiny and watches it plummet into invalidation. Longish pause*

Now that's what I call a dead claim.

... No, no it's stunned.

STUNNED?

Yeah! You stunned it just as it was making sense!

Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That claim is definitely deceased, and when I bought into it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of sense and rationality was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long discourse on it's validity.

It's probably pining for the forum.

haha!!! you fell for my trick! i was just pretending to be a hostage!! now this almighty vessle is MINE all mine. clean the decks with a toothbrush before i throw you all over board to the gummy fish!!

PININ' for the FORUM? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall apart the moment I subjected it to even the mildest scrutiny?

The Navigator Black claim prefers kippin' in pieces! Beautiful plumage, eh major?

Also, you'll notice, sarah, that I've tied you to the mast while you were distracted by that pile of free bandwith.

Look, I took the liberty of examining that claim when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been appeared to be valid in the first place was that you had tied it up in false reason and flawed logic.

Exactly. Oh, by the way, the correct answer isn't "I have a cold" it's "from the back you looked like a woman", so that makes your counter claim that my claim is dead null and void, and so, coupled with the fact that A Short Film About Killing was a society changing movie, and TB Falsename is claiming things to make it hard for me to watch and type, it leads that the claim just doesn't like you. You were never properly introduced to it; therefore it feels no need to answer you when you talk to it. Clear?

Now you have made yourself look foolish and stupid. If she had said "Old woman!" then you should have said "Man." To which she would have replied "Os, sorry, but from the back you looked like a.." and you should then have interupted with "I'm only 47". We would, eventually, have learned that your name was Dennis. However she did not, she said "excuse me, miss?" which leads on as was previously stated.




PS you've also interupted the flow of what EC and I were conversing about

PPS the palindrome of Bolton would be Notlob, it don't work.

O' course I tied it up! If I hadn't tied it up, it would have muscled apart those bars (the constraints of a language system) with it's little pecker ( ) and VOOM!

Look matey, this claim wouldn't "voom" if you put four thousand volts through it! It's bleedin' demised!

It's not, it's pining.

It's not pinin,' it's passed on! This claim is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its claimant! This is a late claim! It's a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't tied it up with invalid reasoning it would be pushing up the daisies! Its metabolical processes are of interest only to historians! It's shuffled off this mortal coil! It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This.... is an EX-CLAIM!

Well, I'd better replace it then.