The Pigeon Hive Mind (UG)

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British pigeonsOfficial UnderGuide Entry

The Discovery

Whilst sitting on a bench in Southend High Street I couldn't help but notice that when a pigeon located a morsel of food pigeons from miles around would flock to this food. Under normal circumstances this would not be unusual but these pigeons came from far away, from around the corner upwind of the food, meaning there was absolutely no way they could have known about it. This has led me to the conclusion that pigeons have a collective and/or hive mind.

The Experiment

I decided to do an experiment with city and woodpigeons. The first experiment was in my back garden with breadcrumbs. I waited until ONE pigeon was in the garden with no other pigeons in sight. I then proceeded to sprinkle breadcrumbs o'er the land. The pigeon tucked in. Almost instantly a pigeon appeared from roughly 3 gardens down. Over a space of two minutes three more pigeons came to the garden. None of them had called out and I had been totally silent, nay stealthy, in my sprinkling.

The next experiment was carried out at Southend Seafront, with a chip and a paper cup. I began by placing the chip on the ground, ensuring no pigeons could see. I then placed the cup over the chip and waited. Soon a pigeon came and poked the cup, which fell over, revealing the chip. No sooner had the chip been discovered then a huge swarm of pigeons flew in, in a classic pigeony blob. There was no way these pigeons could have known about this chip, unless they were a single consciousness.

The conclusion

I now believe without a shadow of a doubt that pigeons of all species are of one mind and are lead by a single hive pigeon with incredible psychic ability, whose name is Mr Pigeon. I also believe that pigeons are not of this world and are, in fact, an alien entity, in line with all good conspiracy theories. I do not believe that they pose a threat to mankind but they should be treated with caution in a laboratory far away, as a single mind can be a powerful thing.

There is one other theory that I have about their purpose. They may in fact be a small scout force of the hive mind sent to discover things such as our defence capabilities and food quality. They may be paving the way either for an invasion, or an inspection from the Health & Safety Inspectorate of the Galaxy. In either case, may God help us all.

For more information on the hive, visit The Pigeon Hive Hierarchy

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