h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm sorry, you've lost me, something about lamp posts? The last post on the street divided by how long it takes to walk to Bournemouth equals when Methos last posted?

*bangs head on wall* no! its the inverse cosine of the distance between the two lamposts that determiens how many badgers can sit on the park bench, which is the number of badgers that is required to drive to Bournmouth oin order to find out when the last post was made or is it?

Do the badgers take turns in driving so that their paws don't get tired or does one steer and another have pedal control? I always thought that the park bench had to be made into an automobile by squirrels and then* the badger drive it to bournemouth

Oh I forgot about the Squirrels, of course they turn the park bench into a car, hence why the number of badgers that can fit on the park bench is important, excluding the exploding gazells of course, but then that all gets a bit complicated with the Gazells and elongated detectives, but lets not think of that, and yes, the badgers do change about in the car, in pairs, one doing the pdels one the steering wheel, then anothe pair of badgers takes over and so on, till they've gotten passed woodbridge, then the squirrls take over till they reach Sheffield at least...

Sheffield?! Are they gonna come to my house?! Oh no...it's the party bus again I don't want anymore badger parties in my house, they wrecked it last time!

But you do a pretty good job of distoying it yoruself!: what with the spilling of batter on the floor, and poisening the cat

Ok you can put your arms down now - it's making your mouths not work properly.

Birthday tomorrow? Party!

Will everyone fit in here?

Phew, can't feel my arms anymore

Yeah, we should be able to squeeze everyone in

we could all go to the bar you know?

That's a ridiculous idea!

I think we could use the bar as an overflow area if it's required.
*snuggles into corner and flicks shrimps into bucket*

*settles in in the other corner amongst the pile of assorted blankets an cusions

You look comfortable. Have you gorra spare blanket - it's getting a bit chilly as it gets later.

*hands over a spare blanket

Cheers!
*Rolls blanket into a ball and shoves up the front of vest.*
Do I look fat in this?

Well, no!, You just look like someone who has stuck a blanket inside their vest!

That's Ok then.
*Lets breath out so stomach returns to normal, immense proportions*

Having a big gut is useful I find, for putting your beer glass on when there ain't any tables about

*Returns*

What are you lot doing squeezed into my cupboard?!