Small Screen Surfin' presents
The HPB Show
*HPB appears at top of stairs in a bad suit, smiles and walks down the stairs*
Hello everybody and welcome to The HPB Show! *applause* Tonight my guest will be a
man who appeared in such shows like Meet Mr. Inquisistor and Sporting with Egon but
is perhaps best known for his role as Annat Tayswi in the hit h2g2 programme 'Jedi
Academy!' Please give him a warm welcome... Psycorp603!!*applause, couple of whistles*
*House band begins to play 'Quicksand' by Travis*
*Psycorp wanders in vaguely wearing a football shirt, jeans and a decrepit leather
*shake hands and both sit*
Erm, hey HPB.
You got quite a welcome!
Well, y'know, as befits an international superstar such as myself.
Heh, how are things?
Not too bad, suffering the after effects of a weekend of women, beer and music.
So Meet Mr. Inquisitor, what was that like?
It was fun, gave me a chance to air a few of my views.
We have a clip, let's look:
Heh, I am basically an attention whore. *turns to look*
*big screen comes out back between chairs and shows:
Awix: Hmm. Is any act, no matter how relentlessly self-aggrandising or artistically
bankrupt it may be, justified if it's done for charity?
P: Erm, let me just look up what that means. Ah, so self-aggrandising means to bring
attention and I'd presume adulation onto oneself? Well, no, it's not always justified, like the way
aim number one of the McWimpeyking Corporation's 'charity' is to 'create positive advertising for
McLard products and increase public brainwashing on the subject of McLard products'. Then again,
as far as I'm concerned McWimpeyking could single-handedly abolish world poverty and I'd still be
against them. Vive la Revolution! Oh, so the answer to your question is no.1*
*laughs* Ah, wonderful stuff.
Well, I was slightly younger and more Communist back then.
Are you still holding left-wing views?
I'm more left than many people, but not as extreme as I used to be. I still won't eat at
McWimpeyking though. Although that's as much to do with it being expensive and made mostly of
Now, I read in a recent article that you felt that you shared most in common with Gary
Strand from Men Behaving Badly at that precise moment. Which sit-som character do you associate
yourself most with these days?
Now? Well, my lodger's long gone, so it's not Gary anymore. Hmm, it's a tough one. Probably
Blackadder, in that we're both sarcastic, our schemes never work, and we're surrounded by more
than our fair share of idiots. Probably in his Blackadder II incarnation, seeing as I jump at the tune
of two slightly insane women as well.
Well he had Queenie, who's pretty good looking yet untouchable, that's my Kat, and then a mad
insane old woman, Nursie, who's like my increasingly mental mother.
Is you mother called Bernard?
Nope, but the short form of her name, which most members of out family refer to her as is
Oooh, it's either Red Dwarf, before Rimmer left, the ships went CGI and the plots went cack, or
Blackadder goes Forth.
High expectations for the Red Dwarf Movie?
Not particularly, I don't think they'll pull it off. Same goes for the Hitch-hiker's Guide
Any particular reason?
Well, TV shows don't usually translate too well to the big screen. And Red Dwarf is geared
towards 30-minute episodes. The two-parters weren't that fantastic, so a feature-length film
doesn't look too good. But that's just my natural cynicism.
Reality TV. Yes? No?
No, no and gods no! It's all pathetic isn't it!? Talentless nobodies fulfilling the Andy Warhol 15
minutes of fame.
The ratings do seem to like it though.
The ratings like Emmerdale. It's a soap about sheep.
Speaking of soaps. You're one of the stars of the space-opera on h2g2, 'Jedi
Academy', an RPG based on Star Wars, where you were hit quite a bit below the belt....
Ahh, the leg thing. Well, if someone's stabbed you through the kneecap and is clinging to your
injured leg above a long drop, you have to get rid of them somehow.
Do all your own stunts?
Of course. *taps leg* This is stainless steel now.
We're almost out of time, but 'Bonk and Yuck' journalism is high profile in some newspapers.
Do you think TV is going that way? If so do you agree and if not how would you run a TV
Can't beat a bit of sex and gore, well, except for football and comedy. Then again, I only watch
MTV2, UKG2 and the sports channels usually.
Is that how you'd have a channel?
A mixture of Rock Music, Football and Comedy? Yeah, sure. Seems like a good channel to me.
Make me millions wouldn't it!?
*grins* Thanks for your time. Ladies and gentlemen, Psycorp603! *gets up and shakes his hand
*stands up and waves to the audience*
Next week my guest will be myself, but don't forget that you can appear live(ish) on The HPB
Show by sending an email to '[email protected]' with your h2g2 name and U-Number.
Until next time, *winks at camera* Keep Surfin'!
Mr. Inquisitor appears courtesy of Awix Archive)