h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: I-Spy Guide To Cliched Film Dialogue - A23621708
Author: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's performance will feature the Astounding Aximili, with backing vocals by Boris the Cheesecake-Eating Arachnid. - U4646274

This is a Flea Market rescue that I think existed before Rupert. I would love to help this piece of HooToo history into the EG, but I'm not sure if it's EG material. Therefore, I turn to the community for advice, and your favourite cheesy quotes. Thanks!

This is good - some of the cliches made me laugh quite a bit - but there's quite a bit of chaff in there that's a little too factual. To be honest, if you could include just the funniest bits it would make a better piece, but I'm not sure if it's EG or AWW.

Not much help, am I?

Nope

The funniest bits? A bit of a problem there, I think. Humour is subjective, after all, and the bits that you don't like another person could love.

BTW, what factual parts?

I don't know - there's a few that are just plain acknowledgement of lines existing, while others are humorous in that they are incredibly typical of films despite the fact that the lines would never appear in real life.

Any suggestions then? I've added a few and tidied it up a bit.

While it's good to have a range of different bits of dialogue, I think the most quirky/unrealistic/groan-inducing ones are the best. For instance:

- Every day, they turn the (lasers/pumps/alarm system) off for 5 minutes while they check out the backup systems.

- Keep still, they can only sense movement.

- I've got a bad feeling about this.

- No, wait - there's a ventilation grille over there.
(also 'air duct')

- Sure I know how to work this ship/control panel/airplane.

- Hang on - I recognise that sound." (on the tape of the kidnapper's telephone call)
"Play that bit again! Can you do anything with that, Joe?

- Look - if you magnify this photograph a millionfold, you can just read the address...

- And if we assume all the robberies were within exactly 5 miles of their hideout, they must be somewhere in THIS small area.

- So, we've narrowed down their location to that big old abandoned warehouse...

- There's only guy in this town who supplies this kind of bullet.

- Look - she dropped a book of matches from the Club Paradiso/Flamingo/ Noir.

- Look at that - the bacteria/virus/aliens can't survive exposure to (oxygen/heat/cold/light/dark/water...)

etc.....

i've tidied it up and bit and cropped some. How's it looking?

Looking better - you probably need someone else's opinion on this, though

Any volunteers?

I think that this is pretty good and that it could well be one of the funniest Guide Entries and if accepted will probably create more comment than most others. It was after all itself spawned from another ‘quotes’ entry.

However, I think that it would scan a bit better if you were to use ‘Headers’ for the individual groups of quotes and create an introductory paragraph for each one explaining the context as you have done in the first couple of paragraphs. Otherwise it tends to look more like a list. (And I know that I am already guilty of having done just that).

Perhaps you could use some of the notes that are appended to the quote to form a brief explanation of the group and leave the quote to stand alone.

Just a thought but I hope this gets to the EG soon.

DK

Hah, nice entry Axi.

Did notice one thing though-In the first paragraph the phrase "On the other hand, as anyone venturing into a cinema of late will testify,… have been tried and tested and proven to work." is repeated twice with two different afterthoughts.

Other than that I agree with Deke about the Headers.

I'm rubbish at remembering who said what where in movies, so I am probably not going to manage to contribute much to this suggestion, but some actual concrete examples of films that some of these cliches appear would add a touch of flavour to the hypothetical introductory paragraphs to the sections... I would recommend something like this for each section:

>>>>
Section 8: Expert Speak

Technical and/or scientific issues are often glossed over entirely by the film industry. After all, entertainment is the order of the day, and accuracy is often better served by online guides than cinema. In some cases current reality must be ignored to avoid interrupting the plot, with phrases along the lines of "the lab results have just come in" heard often merely minutes after a test was ordered. The aforementioned results will doubtless turn out to be of a detail and fidelity level completely unachievable in a modern forensic lab, let alone in a standard 1970s police station, but who cares?

In more severe cases, particularly in sci-fi, the technical issue being glossed over is in fact critical to the plot, such as the famous shield tactics used against the Borg in StarTrak: "*insert star-trek quote here about reversing the polarity of the thingy (like I said, I can never actually remember the quotes)*".

In between these extremes, all over the cinema world, experts can regularly be heard uttering the following:

<<<<

Would more section introducing suggestions be helpful Axi?

vp

Err, this entry seems to have been truncated somewhat - possibly its somehow mid-edit???

Anyway, i see axi hasn't been around for a while, so just in case he's still out celebrating, I shall leave some hangover cure for his return:

What's pggb? Oh well, as long as it's drinkable, bottoms up

Getting back on topic, believe it or I am still working on this, as it's a subject very close to my heart. it's just taking a little time, but getting there. I expect to have it finished sometime next century

: pan-galactic gargle blaster

*waits patiently for update*

How did this get lost all the way back here?

Ok...

GuideML added, it's been trimmed, and I've added intros. How's it looking?

Looks great, I think. I think it would look better if the headers weren't capitalized, but that's just being picky.

I can't get all the way through it just now, but here's a link with some tangential relevance from old-school hootoo - A290585

Classic!

If I could put all of 'em in, I would