h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Most of the holly that I've seen is more like a bush than a tree.

Thanks.

Well, there are some holly trees in the woods near my house and a holly bush near my school. So, I'm not quite sure what makes them do that.

Maybe the ones that stay bushes are feeling melanc-holly.

This is why it's sometimes not safe to let me out of my cage during the holidays.

Indeed, I shall get the pest control.

Too late for that.

Pest control is run by a friend of mine . I'll just tell him some jokes and ask him over for a drink

*Wakes up and crawls out from under her desk*

Right, what's all this noise?

You can hear whatever noise you wish to hear, as long as it's chosen from the following menu:

1. The sound of pigeons plotting chaos as they sit on the cubist statue of Groucho Marx in the Dixville Notch park.

2. The sound of ocean waves as the caress the cactuses in Tucson, Arizona

3. Mermaids singing i the Gobi Desert.

4. A tone-deaf child playing "Fur Elise 100 times on a badly tuned piano in Grand Central Station.

They all sound equally awful. Can I be a pigeon?

OOO! Or a MERMAID! Even better! Can I change my name to Ariel? CAn I marry Prince Eric? Do I have to sell my soul to an evil sea witch?
Oops. That's Milla darling. I have to marry the frog prince. Why do I get the amphibian fiance.

Shh!

The Disney section is over there, sweetheart. *points* May I recommend the actual, un-spoiled-by-merchandising, Andersen story?

Bah, it's all wrong. Mermaids are viscious sea monsters who lure sailors to their deaths and then feed on the bloated corpses. Of all people Yael I'd have thought you'd dislike creatures like that.

Also, they're regular violators of the indecent exposure act, lobbied for by concerned parents and bitter, loveless spinsters.

Yeah, that's true, they do tend to walk.. I mean swim around topless..that is they don't wear any clothes, not they have no top half

How about I just read something else.

Any suggestions?

Can you blame them? Can you imagine the chaffage suffered in wearing underwear made out of seashells, not to mention the difficulty in finding two the right, same size.

Bah, they could make cloth out of kelp.

Jenny how about reading At the Mountains of Madness and Other Novels of Terror, Dagon and Other Macabre Tales and Haunter of the Dark and Other Tales by Howard Philip Lovecraft. Haunter Of The Dark is especially good.

*Clears throat and points at sign, reading "No Lovemaking, no Lovecraft, no Leprechauns"*

*gets a shotgun and points it at NC's nether regions*

You won't be needing them then