h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Tries to organize the young men and get them to lavish their attentions on Gwennie. No success. Feels black and blue all over. Her hair is being pulled out and her clothes are torn. All that is keeping her on her feet is the press of bodies around her.*

Please Baldrick, you have to do something.

*walks in Fires in the air twice with a shot gun*

Now will all you men please leave before I start shooting you

*men ignore him conpleatly*

no one listens to me.

*wonders off inserch of booz and a cattle prod to get rid of the men*

Oh, alright.

*claps hands*
*men and mari-rae are encompassed in a green light*
*men vanish*
*men re-appear, confused, ready to focus on anyone*

I suggest we all hide.
*disappears behind bar*

*dives behind sofa*

*walks back in with booz but no cattle prod Raises his left eyebrw and all the men shrink to the sizoe of mice.... for all of three seckonds when they go back to normal*

Oh well any else got any other ideas

*Jumps behind bar as well*

*Shouts to everyone*

Hang on chap! I have an idea....

*Runs out and minutes later returns with a life-size cardboard cut out of Maggie Thatcher which she hold up to the young men who back off in terror. Gwennie shouts in her most authoritative voice*

Now listen you lot! Sod off and don't come back or Maggie here will visit you in the small hours and put a bat where the sun don't shine!

*The young men mumble and shuffle backwards*

You heard me! Clear off! Shoo! *Shoves Maggie's image closer*

*At this, the hoard of young men turn and bolt for safety and Gwennie adopts smug mode just in time to notice Mari-Rae closing in on her*

Would there be an American type doughnut wrapped around that jelly?

*Limps up in an angry manner to a cringing Gwennie. Looks straight into Gwennie's big brown eyes and is not softened a bit. From between gritted teeth she growls:*

From now on I will get my own dates, IF you don't mind.

*Gwennie looks bewildered, wondering if that was it. But no, Mari-rae then pulls out her six shooters from their holster and squirts heavy streams of chocolate syrup right between those big soft brown eyes.*

(btw, this is an outdoor yard party at Greebo's house, and yes, Greebs, (where the heck you been, girl?), there are plenty of donuts of every shape, size and concotion just being delivered by the 24 hour bakery that is just around the corner.)

Now why did you use chocolat chocolat is tasty you should have used somthing like Weed killer or fertaliser.

*Duks behind bar as a stedy streem of chocolat hits the wall where his head was a secod befor*

*Wipes away the chocolate from her eyes*

GREEBO!!!! *Bounces about, leaving a trail of chocolate*

Where HAVE you been? *Gives Greebo a huge chocolate covered hug whilst still bouncing up and down whilst Greebo tries to extricate herself from Gwennie's sticky hug*

Mari-Rae! Look who's here! *Hopes that Mari-Rae has finished with punishing her*

*Smiles wickedly.*

I just told you we were in a garden.

*And the first fly lands on Gwennie's cute little nose. The droning of a bee is heard, and an army of ants begins to crawl up Gwennie's long, shapely legs.*


Bwwwwaaaaahahaha!

Now that was meane I dont even think Big evil dan would have don somthing like that.

Of course not! I may be evil, but I'm also a saint. So really the only thing I am is confused.

*Jumps up and down in terror to avoid the bees and ants whilst still clutching a struggling Greebo*

Ouch! Ooo! Ouch! Gerroff! Help! I've got ants in me knickers!

*Runs to the nearby swimming pool and jumps in, taking a horrified Greebo with her. The pool turns brown from the chocolate and the surface is covered in drowning ants and bees while an unhappy Greebo sinks her claws into Gwennie's head to avoid drowning*

Help!

*trying very hard not to laugh pulls Gwennie with the cat stinn on her head out of the pool*

Look you have got me all wet now.

*clicks his fingers and dries the three of them out*

Thats better isnt it.

And I was just about to offer a towel.

Thanks Menza!

*Swipes the towel from Menza and promptly uses it to shoo the remaining bees and ants away*

Ta muchly for drying me an' Greebs out, Bob!

*Glares accusingly at Mari-Rae*

Well!! That's the last time I try to make one of your dreams come true! Next time, I'll keep my mouth shut. Just wait and see!

No problem

*walks over to the bar to get another drink*

*briefly considers asking for a crowd of young women, but changes his mind before saying anything.*

~Greebo looks in horrification... thinks for a bit ... wondering if horrification is something she just made up... nah... now where was me... oh yes... looking in horrification at her fur... tis all fluffy and sticking out at odd angles after being toweled dry~

Me only just returned and me looking a mess already.... me needs a fur dresser... very quickly me thinks...