h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Like I said earlier, these Bazooka Weevils are very mischievous. He was just out having fun, like all weevils do.

Well I have identified a new species, the Alpine Lodge snow weevil. He is a cheeky little bugger.

Don't you mean 'cheeky little bug'?

Has anyone else noticed that the Alpine Lodge Snow Weevil tends to be followed by snow when it is spotted?

I also seem to see the Alpine Lodge snow weevil followed by hordes of City Ski weevils, the females only.

I have noticed a disturbing trend in the mischief the Iranian Bazooka Weevils have been causing. They've been Heckling others from the Highlands, almost like they're involved on a game of Ultra-Brockian Cricket.

Hey man, the week draws to its, like, Zenith, y'know. Mebbe those mischievous Iranian Bazooka Weevil dudes need to chill. How'bout gettin it together with the Mexican Party Weevil guys 'n layin down a little corn syrup? How'bout sippin a little mar'gin? Its been a heavy week man,'n I could use some lazy time, y'know? I have heard the word of the weevil. Love and Peace, baby, love and peace.

Interesting fact about Iranian Bazooka Weevils: They don't hold their liquor very well. They've all fallen over drunk.

Pauvre little weevils. Kensington say he hopes they feel all right when they sober up.

At least they're likely enjoying themselves.

I say chaps, are you quite sure that this is a proper church? Where are the befrocked gentlemen who lead the congregation and minister to the dear little weevils? When are the great celebrations which cartwheel unpredictably through the calendar? Where is the annual conclave or synod, and whence the mystical shrine? The Genevan theology weevil is most perturbed and has been distracted from considering the most important theological question of his generation, the doctrine of precrustulation, which is to say "it is God's will that the digestive biscuit be anointed with corn syrup at birth" as opposed to the heinous practice of waiting until the biscuit is mature. Some spiritual guidance might not go amiss, what?
Toodlepip.

Well, Percy, old chap, I can assure you that the Church of the True Weevil is in no way a proper church at all. However, great celebrations await - they merely require someone to think one up, go to the church page and verily post about it, as long as they bleeding well feel like it (preferably in a new forum ).

Although your theology weevil is most enthusiastic (and Kensington agrees with his bull-style corn-syrup proclamation), I think he may be a bit naive about the process by which digestive biscuits come into this world. Perhaps the annointing of corn syrup upon a 'mature' digestive biscuit is a rite of passage, taking said biscuit into the next stage of its life, that of being completely delicious (to weevils everywhere).

Typically, other than having the word "church" in its title, the CotTW has never really had a spiritual bent. The only actual principle in what could mistakenly be considered our doctrine is that weevils have slavering fangs that you probably can't see from where you're sitting but I am certain they exist.

Perhaps a new forum for a church doctrine might be appropriate. What do the members think? 'Yea, verily', or 'pants'?

I think that all weevil holidays should include the bearing of gifts.