h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*chemist turns away from the door and opens it, falling exagerratedly at the same time

"OOOppps!!"

He is glad to get rid of the kitten due to his sneezing and the fact he once had a bad experience with one in his bed when he was a teenager*

*Kitten looks around*

*eyeball extrudes itself out into molecule-fine fibre, and insinuates itself through a rough patch of the hull plating, and into the cabin safely beyond the reach of the kitten's claws. [the process is very nearly instantaneous, and may seem like magic to the uninitiated]*
=Don't flip on me, kitty.= *drifts up to deckhead*

*watches slightly amused*

*spins a 0.5 micron particle filter from ambient air molecules, and unobtrusively drapes it over the chemist's face, to block out any allergens. Twitches the latch on the hatch, and cracks it enough for a small feline to enter. Returns to station position at deckhead, and awaits cues from the kitten.*
*notices the very hot chip-oil*

*walks off to go find the person who was singing*

*takes a good long look at the safe...the human would be able to simply snap the finger off the armature psychokinetically, but Eyeball doesn't have the strength (or sleight) for that...so...
oozes into the safe via the dial, and in the very dim light available, starts rotating the sequential cams to align their notches...there. Now the finger can fall into the notches, the armature can rotate away, and the latch can spring open. All that's required is someone to turn the lever...

oozes back out via the dial, and stops in the deckhead shadows above the desk...*

*Before the kitten is a set of steps leading down to a large wood panneled room. In the middle is a large jacuzzi and sitting in it with a glass of red wine is a fat very hairy man. Surrounding the jacuzzi are 5 men with guns at their hips, and two men in suits talking to the man in the jacuzzi.



Meanwhile the chemist turns to find an eyeball floating in the middle of the room and a duck peering in at him through the porthole. This is too much for his sensibilities on top of the mysterious appearance of the kitten and he faints on the deck with a resounding crack*

*unlatches the porthole for the duck*

=maybe you can figure this stuff out, mate?=

*observes the chemist sleeping soundly*

=We should have a good bit of time here...=

*walks down the steps pretending to be nothing more than a playfull and cute little kitten, currently with very fluffy newly dryed fur*

*studies the chemist**sends out a call*

*arrives on the scene, well south of the party at the tower*

*surveills the yacht*

*sends a duck with respectful message to the sniper in the tower*

Surfs Up Duuuude!

*Configures mk six carapace to resemble very thick surfboard. Sets the controls for subsurface running, tools out to the yacht*

*surfaces silently next to duck*

What's up, duck?

*smiles as the briefest of glances shows stu beside the yacht. imperceptably lies even flatter as approaching men line up, pointing weapons up at tower. has gun trained on the bloke who appears to be in charge.*

*
At the lighthouse the men on the ground open fire as the men on the inside finally reach the top and move forward, pistols trained on Rosemary.


The heavies surrounding Mr. Big (for it is he!) spin to face the kitten and look highly suspicious. One takes out a radio and summons a deckhand. Footsteps can be heard clattering through the front lounge.

The chemist is still out on the floor, however is in danger of being found by the deckhand.

The duck stares imperiously at the newcomer and moves across to the chemist and glares back and forth.

And the safe...sits smugly*

*stu removes the chemist's lab coat, uses duct tape on the chemist, eases him out the porthole (secured to hull so he doesn't float away or drown), shuts porthole, dons lab coat, busies himself with the deep-fat fryer, awaits the deckhand with a small handful of options (persuasion to cremation). Ensures the duck and eyeball are out of sight.*

*wonders why no-one else is here and is very glad that the heavies are not aiming at her. Wonders how the lawyers can see her-is in v.good camoflage. Moves round back of tower to seaward side at back*

*looks at the guards and scapers behind a screen before the deckhand can come down*

*Stu sets about remotely (psychically) inventorying the assorted weapons aboard...noting the sidearms posessed universally by the crew, and the special little odds-and-ends in various hides...proceeds to tink [knit, in reverse: unknit] these instruments subtly...a sear here, a firing pin there, springs...*
*using a canvas sack and can of spray foam, packs the vials, tubes, and various other objects on the desk and work bench.*
Those chips there look done.
*Lifts the basket out of the fryer.*

Stu I'm sorry but that's TOO cheating you can't do that.

*
One heavy starts advancing on the screen behind which sits a terrified kitten.

At the lighthouse, the men advance round either side of the balcony and shoot rosemary in the back of one knee whilst the others pounce on her.

A deckhand opens the hatch and comes into the lounge, realises that the chemist is not in fact...the chemist...and whips out his pistol and yells for backup*