A Conversation for Dispersing a Crowd

A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 21

NuclearConfusion -Not a lot of money in the revenge business

But certainly something to look out for. ish. Anyway, seven days, and nicely incubated. ish.


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 22

AlexAshman

Yes, this needs to be in the EG.
Many a time, I've been in the process of catching a lift when suddenly, a crowd appears from nowhere and starts to throw snowballs at me (well only if it's just snowed...smiley - erm)


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 23

Recumbentman

Well it does say watercannons, which should follow the same rule . . .

The trouble is, this is written in an unmistakeably American dialect, and changing the spellings will make it look like a curious hybrid (behavior-->behaviour). It will sit strangely in the Edited Guide, with its wannas and gonnas and 'ems; but without 'em it would be a bit po-faced.

There is indeed the UG, but it deserves more publicity; I haven't found it yet.

I'm tantalised by "Also, the temptation to switch the sedative with helium is often too great to resist." Go on, tell us wht it does.

And "ala Spiderman" . . . is that now accepted spelling for à la? Finally, "low cost" --> low-cost.


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 24

AlexAshman

Sedative - knocks people out.smiley - sadface

Helium - increases frequency of voice, allowing Mickey Mouse impressions.smiley - smiley

Mickey Mouse - a cartoon character with squeeky, high-pitched voice.smiley - biggrin


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 25

AlexAshman

I suppose it's not quite right... the idea was good though.smiley - biggrin


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 26

Shadowbane

Ever heard of the most ridiculous (and most British) way of dispersing a crowd. The Riot Act (repealed in the 70s) stated that from the moment someone in authority read it out in full the crowd had 1 hour to disperse before they sent the troops in to break some heads! A very British and Sporting method. I realise this isn't currently in use but it's worth mentioning if you include past methods.


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 27

Gnomon - time to move on

This is an excellent entry and with a little tidying, it should go into the guide. The style is just right.

You have a very odd use of GuideML in this. Try and rewrite it the way all the other entries in the Guide are:

1. Get rid of all those tags.
2. Put and at the start and end of every paragraph.


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 28

Recumbentman

Will he get away with those Downsides?


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 29

NuclearConfusion -Not a lot of money in the revenge business

Well, got rid of my beloved 's and fiddled some other things, as well. My feeling with regard to the 'ems is that they make the article have a more spoken feel, as if you were hearing it, not reading it. No one who uses the expression "club 'em like baby seals" ever says "club them". It makes things awkward when you read it.

However, it can be easily changed, if that be the general consensus.


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 30

Gnomon - time to move on

I think you should change all the subheaders to headers and change the bold lines to subheaders.

You should definitely keep your 'ems. They are an essential part of the style of the piece. Subeditors are allowed change mispellings, but they are not supposed to change the style, so your words will stay more or less as they are.


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 31

Recumbentman

No keep the 'ems and the wannas -- it'll be odd enough with 'behaviour' and so on. Any opinions on ala/à la?


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 32

Gnomon - time to move on

It should definitely be à la.


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 33

NuclearConfusion -Not a lot of money in the revenge business

And indeed it is. That was one of the things I switched along with all the s. But 'behavior', I noticed, is, was, and has been the American version all this time. Should I change it to include a u, or leave it thus and try to put theatre back to the way it belongs? ... I mean, the way it was?


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 34

Number Six

Well, seeing as the Guide's run and paid for by the British Broadcasting Corporation, I suppose it's kind of fair that the Writing-Guidelines specify British English... smiley - winkeye

smiley - mod


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 35

Zarquon's Singing Fish!

Had another peek, (or should I say a peer) and saw a couple of things it would be good to fix:

origionally > originally

"besieged" > 'besieged' (all double quotes should be singles - except where they are in a link)

so, "CLEAN-UP, AISLE THREE!!!" should be 'CLEAN-UP, AISLE THREE!!!' etc.

feces > faeces

smiley - fishsmiley - musicalnote


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 36

NuclearConfusion -Not a lot of money in the revenge business

Took a vacation. Came back. Grumbled a bit. Switched to British English. Grumbled a bit. Fixed some more spelling mistakes; thanks ZSF!

However, the "clean up" thing as well as the "deer" thing in the next paragraph are spoken (or thought) sentences, so I think they should be double quoted. Unless I'm all kinds of wrong about that. Assist?

Also, tried the topic header and downside subheader idea, but can't say I'm crazy about it. I'll leave it that way in case anyone cares to comment. Thanks.


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 37

Renegade

Very funny piece but the intro seemed to go on for a little too long i am sorry to saysmiley - footinmouth
good pice
smiley - cheers


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 38

Lord High Mucky-Muck

Coming in late in the editing process, I like it!

Anyway, the entry looks good and ordered, and even though I would agree that it has a more conversational tone than others in the EG, but at the end of the day it is your work and you need to be happy with it.

Good call on the british spelling. Best not to offend the Queen.

smiley - tongueout


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 39

Cyzaki

There should be no " at all in an entry, only '.

smiley - panda


A2243080 - Dispersing a Crowd

Post 40

Gnomon - time to move on

That's right. In British publishing style, and h2g2 house style, single quotation marks are used for all quotations. 'Like this', he said. The only place where double quotations are needed is when a quotation appears inside another quotation.


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