h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Still no idea where to put the links! I resent being under Getting Pizza Out Of Keyboards in the PR list! Surley this article deserves better!

Hi Shadowbane. Seeing as you've been posting recently I thought I'd provide a bit more feedback. You won't be next to the 'Pizza' entry any more anyway. It wouldn't be fair to give you less grief than the Cat.

The entry mostly flows well now . Well Done on your re-editing. However I have to qualify it as 'mostly' as I have some further suggestions

In Introduction:
> The 'Introduction' HEADER is not needed. The Introduction itself repeats 'different' and 'element' irritatingly often. Perhaps consider deleting everything between 'So what is the secret of its success? ' and 'This article serves as a guide to writing pantomimes as well as an insight into their secrets.'

In Tradition:
From the outset pantomime was used as an antidote to heavy tragedy (particularly of the Shakespearean variety.) > Can you support this assertion? I realise this isn't a history of panto, but I don't think this statement is obvious enough not to need supporting information.
It isn't supported by the linked site, which mentions that Panto, like Punch and Judy, developed from the Italian Commedia Dell'Arte, and became known as Pantomime around the start of the eighteenth century.

In The Story:
oppinion > opinion
comunity > community

In The Dame:
Being drunk is also a good idea > Being drunk while casting is also a good idea (is slightly clearer. Some might challenge the opinion though)

Is the Berwick Kaler reference relevant to general content of the entry? According to Its Behind You the person to mention if you want to talk about a particular Panto Dame is Joseph Grimaldi. If you were writing about York Theatre Royal Kaler might be relevant.

In the Principle Boy:
Principle > Principal (in header and first sentence)
extreamly > extremely

In the Princess / Heroine
inoccent > innocent
orginal > original

In The King etc.:
This joke is the most over used in the history of theatre > again, can this opinion be supported?

> What is the reference to 'Writing Comedy' about?

..best to think of Brian Blessed.Ever since Blessed appeared as Richard IV in 'Blackadder'he has come to define comedy kings. Stephan Fry's .. > best to think of Brian Blessed. Ever since Blessed appeared as Richard IV in 'Blackadder' he has come to define comedy kings. Stephen Fry's .. (spaces after full stop and Blackadder, and spelling of Stephen)

In the Narrator:
This is an utterly hilarious idea and it seems a shame it isn't used more often. > again this is only your opinion.
'George of the Jungle' > What is this? - could you provide a footnote for those ignorant of the piece?

In Music:
Greece Lightning > Greased Lightning ( I think you mean)

In Audience Interaction:
a good one for an audience who are likely to be familiar with Morecambe and Wise > a good one for the more mature members of a British audience, who are still likely to be familiar with Morecambe and Wise (don't overestimate the familiarity with M&W)

actors and writers what do unfortunately > actors and writers what to do unfortunately

It is also to quote 'www.cix.co.uk' 'the last living folk art in England' > It is also to quote Nick MellershA prolific writer of pantomimes 'the last living folk art in England' - try that as a way of incorporating a link

enthusastic reasercher > enthusiastic researcher

Hope these help. I've tried to work through and point out in order what to look at. You *did* say to point out any typos.

Pimms

A good overview of modern day pantomime, with a bit of history thrown in. Here's my

As the topic seems mainly advice about writing one, should this be reflected in the title?

Thr first sentence reads a bit oddly to me. I suggest moving 'by far' to the end of the sentence.

Spelling - you still need to change 'oppinion' to omit a p.

Perhaps you could highlight better the staple elements of panto scripts, double entendres & obvious jokes.

As soon as I have some time away from writing "A Parochial Undertaker" and cheking "Dick Whittington's Wonderful Treasure Island" for typos.

Meanwhile here's some of my thoughts on your comments.

Maybe changing the title will make the "Writing Comedy" reference more relevant.

Yes I do tend to run out of ideas of ways to put things but I am a scriptwriter and therefore used to writing dialogue and stage directions which can easily repeat wording without being noticed.

The gags used in pantomime are different to each writer and each audience. Being a spoof of the annual teacher's pantomime in a secondary school shown to a secondary school audience "the Big Match" and it's sequal could get away with a lot more risque material than "Dick Whittington's Wonderful Treasure Island" which was more family based (being a Scout production.) Perhaps I could explain this in a brand new paragraph? (Full of brand new typos no doubt!)

More ideas when I get the chance to look though the suggestions in more detail.

Hey dude! Typos sorted (hopefully but it might be worthwile to take another look groan!)

As for the short snappy statements that seemed to be unsupported here we go.

1) The site mentions that in the Harlequinade stage, pantomime became an antidiote to heavy drama. The Shakespear is my own inferance based along thigh slapping and hey nonny, nonny and the ocassional 'yes it is not that it be' style jokes that slip in to scripts.
2) Berwick Keller references were at the request of someone earlier in the conversation (I think it was Zarquon's Singing Fish.) I think that a bloke who played the dame 25 years running deserves recognition (or perhaps therapy.)
3) Sorry about the oldest joke in British theatre thing I'm not sure I can support it but I am unsure how to change it.
4) The narrator thing has been altered what do you think?
5) How is this link going to work?
6) The spelling of Stephen has been corrected but what do you mean by spacing?
7) Theres probably someting else but I can't think of it now.
8) Please reply soon!

OK, scanned the entry again. Feel I'm only offering grammar points now, rather than helpful insight into sharpening the direction of the entry. I agree the emphasis of the entry on *writing* of panto needs to be reflected in the title. Personally I still disagree that Berwick Kaler/Kellar deserves mention in this entry.

In The Princess/Heroine:
In traditional fairy tales they are as much of an inocent as they are in the original fairy tale.
> In traditional pantomimes they are as much of an innocent as they are in the original fairy tale.

In The King etc.:
Spaces needed after full stop following 'Brian Blessed' and before 'Ever'

In The Narrator:
Arguments between the characters and the Narrator such as in 'George of the Jungle'(although not a pantomime this hillarious disney live action Tarzan spoof has contributed much to pantomime writing) are also a novel and effective idea.
>
Arguments between the characters and the Narrator, such as in 'George of the Jungle' (although not a pantomime, this hilarious Disney live-action Tarzan spoof has contributed much to pantomime writing) are also a novel and effective idea.

There are places where a comma would help make more sense of a sentence, but that I think can be safely left to the subeditor's preferences.

Pimms

Thanks Pimms anything else guys?

Shadowbane, I like the new title

Please look closely at suggestions made in post 66 - generally more than one correction has been offered in revisions. It would be simplest to cut and paste the revised version if you are happy with it, rather than try and spot the differences and possibly miss some (eg inocent and hillarious spellings)

Pimms

Bulls***! I'll have another look through. Anything else?

The spellings have been corrected. But I still think Berwick whatshisname deserves a mention.

Basically this is ready to go. I'm sure a scout will be along shortly.

Congratulations on sticking with it

sprout

Wow! Look out for my next articles. A study of George Orwell's "Animal Farm", Martin McDonagh's "The Pillowman" and "Censorship what's the F***ing point" They'll be entered here when I have the time to write them. Will the scouts consider it silly putting the article in out of season? Or will the sub edditing take so long it will be ready for next christmas anyway?

I wouldn't worry about the seasonal aspect. On hootoo, things can go very quick - or very slow. Just be is the best advice I can give you.

sprout

Hello, Any scouts out there?

Come on dudes I've put mounths of work into this!

So you realise things don't always move quickly in PR then? An individual* request to a scout interested in the topic might be a good way to progress (although they *may* say they still don't think it is good enough ). I had the same frustration in finding a scout with my first entry.

Tip: check out which scouts have already commented on the entry You never know this may *already* have been recommended - there is nearly always a hiatus between this and the 'Congrats' message while the Editors consider whether to accept the recommendation. Patience young padawan (if no-one responds it is acceptable to the PR thread every week or so to show you are still holding your breath)

Pimms Lettuce

*I stress 'individual' as blanket requests to all scouts have been construed as spam.

The best advice I can give you is to chop wood and fetch water... Or in hootoo terms, write some more entries.

The scouts are all around you - but will they pick your entry tomorrow, or the day after, or next week? The way of the scout is very mysterious.



sprout

Indeed - sometimes barely know what I'm doing myself.

Right.

Can you put tags around your paragraphs?

Can you change some of the subheaders to headers?

"Thankfully (in the opinion of this researcher and the pantomime writer's community in general) they haven't covered 'Dick Whittington', 'Mother Goose', 'Babes In The Wood' or 'Jack And The Beanstalk' yet! However many fear it is only a matter of time before they do!" - I don't think this is necessary, and have you mentioned that most professional pantos can't use the Disney 7 Dwarf names due to copyright reasons?

Is it possible to do a panto of shrek? I would have thought that would be copyrighted too...

"It's the king kneel!" should be 'It's the king! Kneel!"

'Writing Comedy' - can we have more information as to what this is?

'Blackadder'he - you need a space there.

"Speaking of 'the Big Match a Trilogy of Two Parts' it may be the only pantomime which has replaced the rhyme of the Narrator's lines with rap." - I think I already said this is wrong.

The music section - are there copyright issues here too?

"this was a one off gag in a recent production of 'Aladdin.'" - the word 'recent' is frowned upon as it dates the entry.

How's that to be going on with?

And of course, 'one-off' is hyphenated.

Perserve here - a Scout has recommended this and we're just waiting for it to be absolutely tip-top before we accept it.

I saw a marvellous panto last December - bella Emberg as the Fairy of the bells in Dick Whittington at the Newark Palace Theatre. Lovely venue and very enthusiastic cast - a real traditional show.

The fact that my mate was playing the Captain had nothing to do with it.