h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've never tried "cake butties" as such. They sound good. Not as good as the haggis cake I had in Glasgie, though. Wonderful and fresh - the haggis were scampering around in a large tank in the window, and diners could choose the one they wanted. The chef then picked it up by the scruff of its neck (what a racket they make!) and took it out the back for "processing".

Ah but nothing like the real Mc Coy Icy mate, those are farmed haggis my friend, not as tasty!
There's nothing like getting up of a morning and hiking through the bonnie purple heather covered glens to hunt for your quarry!
I caught a brace the last time I was up here, a couple of male haggi and a female. The female bit my finger when I tried to grab it, nasty little critters the females, very sharp teeth!
I was cooking them in the slow cooker later on that same day and to my surprise after three hours one of the little blighters popped his smiling head out from the lid and eyeballed me indignantly, cheeky so and so, I couldn't have hit them over the head hard enough

It's straight into the deep-fat fryer every time with me. I don't have the patience for all that slow cooking. I guess there's not much else to do of an evening in the but an' ben.

Yes your right, that's why I'm moving to England!
I'll certainly miss catching them for my tea, but I won't miss the injuries sustained in the process, plus the smell, of the fur that is... it seems to permeate the skin and lingers for days, god awful the smell is, a sort of mixture between wet black
labrador and sweaty trainers- but only in the mating season which is strange, seems to be at least three-quarters of the year though

You're moving to England ?

Could be on the cards B'el! Although Bradford is a no go affair, been looking around recently, somewhere in the immediate area will suffice

Do you have the correct paperwork, Arty?

Oh, and there's a small question of the Nationality Test. Here's a sample:

1. Name the last Yorkshire left-arm seamer to take five wickets in an innings against the West Indies at Trent Bridge.

2. What's the next line of the song that begins: "Jolly boating weather".

3. What's the best car route from St Ives to Newark, leaving on a Saturday morning in July.

4. Complete this phrase in no more than 10 words: "I love Jonny Wilkinson because..."

Your first question reminds me of what happened at the Oval yesterday - sounds a bit like kindergarden behaviour to me

These have to be trick questions, don't they I'll not make myself look silly by trying to answer any of them Icy, I have picked up some local lingo if that helps
-Eeeeee by heck it's greaaattt!
It's just dripping innit!
On Ilkley moor bah tat, on Ilkley moor bah tat
I'll see if I can dig out my English passport (again!)

We're discussing it on Ask at the moment, Bel. I don't think it's as simple as that, and I personally have some sympathy for the Pakistanis who refused to play after being accused of cheating. It's the sort of decision which should have been left until after the game, as it's a very serious allegation to make.

Oh, Arty, did you spot that men don't wear those skirt-things here.

Do you like the beer? It's a bit different.

There's a few others like-You come you buy!-would you like rice with that sir? and, -no we don't have them batteries!..but these are particular to Bradford..
Pudsey and Queensbury are nice, quiet and less colourful, but much more suited for my needs. Shipley is delightful and Skipton is delightfully dreamy and sedate too there's a lot to choose from in Yorkshire. Howarth is just too far removed from reality or that would have been my first choice!....

I've never been too enamoured with English beer Icy, so I tend to stick to the safe alternative of my fave tipple, good old-fashioned Guinness, I can't go wrong..

I've seen the conversation Icy, but unsubscribed when I saw who started it

I don't really know the area, but I'm sure you can't go too far wrong in Yorkshire. My grandfather was from Burley, but that's nearer Leeds I think.

Are you working? (I've no idea what you do for a living) Can you get employment around there?

(Then you'll be pleased to hear that I hold the opposing view, Bel <smile&gt

Better brace yourself for personal abuse coming your way then, Icy

Icy, the employment situation is pretty dire in Bradford at least, unless you have a cornershop, a taxi rank, ice-cream van or are a doctor I'll have to delve more into that one when the time comes.....

Well, the best of luck with that Arty. Isn't Leeds a financial centre? Just slip into the pinstripes and red braces and go make a killing there.

Leeds is Bradford on a larger scale, don't get me wrong it's very nice, but way too busy! Strangely enough, I've developed a phobia for driving on English roads Icy Travelling to and from Leeds kind of puts me off a bit.

The phobia has developed due largely to driving round Bradford. Have you ever been there? It's a nightmare, no matter when you decide to drive, anytime night or day. Almost every vehicle in Bradford has a prang or dent or some sort of accident damage. Traffic is always tail to tail, the people there all must have got their driving licenses out of cornflakes boxes. I obviously don't enjoy the experience..can you tell
The worst part is that I have to go back
Ah, Scotland!