h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*NYC's mouth is agape*

[NYC] How... how did you just survive an explosive round the size of a coffee thermos?

*NYC drops the howitzer with a CLANG and starts frantically loading yappy dogs into Red's Chihuahua-witzer*

[Cujo] Well, DUH! Using my jump-through-hoops-to-have-a-chance-of-harming-me skill! [pulls out a machinegun and starts blasting away at them]

*feels the tap on the helmet signifying that the Chihauwitzer© is loaded and presses the kill button until the weapon clicks several times indicating it is exhausted*

POK - POK - POK - POK - POK

*a fusilade of small incredibly irritating yappy dogs with bulging eyes and diamante collars are launched at Cujo. They hit him with large thumps which sound like melons being dropped on a pavement from a great height and drop him like a sack of spuds. The poodles then crawl over Cujo licking him over and over and over*

Urrghh. Gross ! No wonder the Thingites banned the use of this weapon.

*NYC, without the heroic luck of never getting hit nor the common sense to wear kevlar, takes a bullet in the gut. He grits his teeth in true anti-hero fashion*

[NYC] Urgh! 'Tis only a flesh wound!

*NYC finishes the job by taking the remainder of yappy dogs, snapping their flea collars and chucking them like grenades at the hapless Cujo. He then picks up the howitzer again, determined to find a use for it*

[NYC] (Ow!) Skullock! Get away from the bars, lest the rescue be a mite more painful than you hope!

Right!

*Stands as far away from the bars as possible, which unfortunately isn't all that far away it being a cell and all.

~ thinks that hiding behind a prison blanket isn't going to help Skullock much ~

*still feeling dazed, wonders what the strange licky slurpy sound is*

*dimly recalling Red Dog saying something, the Dewey Demon begins wandering along attempting to enter each of the dungeon's doorways*

*Saunters in*

Hi everybody!

[Cujo] AAAAAAAAA! GET 'EM OFF MEEEEEEEE!!!

[[Defeated Cujo on a technicality!]]

*takes out a sidearm, walks over to Cujo and places the barrel of the weapon against Cujo's temple almost in a caress*

OK me laddo - start talking

[Cujo] GET THESE FRICKIN' DOGS OFF ME FIRST!!!

[Yar] [arriving] A Chihuawitzer, hmm? This is almost as fun as Lunaris's McMissile Launcher ...

[NYC] Wow, that one even SOUNDS evil.

*NYC fires a salvo at Skullock's cell door, which knocks the bars clear from the scene... as with some bits of masonry around the cell. A couple weirdos from the adjacent cells start getting active*

[Prisoner] What? I'm free! FREE! freeeeeeeee--

*he hops around the hall before disappearing up the stairs*

~ thinks gotta get a McMissile launcher before NYC gets one ~


OK I'll call the dogs off.


*gives a brief whistle and the small dogs obediently climb off Cujo*

[Yar] Great! So ... where's the keymaker?

[Cujo points down another passageway]

*watches with interest, having found nothing more than numerous locked doors*

Shall we?

*walks off aimlessly down the corridor*

*still holding the gun against Cujo's temple*

OK big guy, spill the beans - what cell is the Keymaker in. No vague answers or we'll be decorating the walls with grey stuff from your hat support gear

What he said, only with more glaring

*Marches impressively from the dust that was his cell, unfortunately everyone is too buisy looking for the key maker to notice.

*Skullock pulls a silver filling out of one of his molars and jams it into cujo's eye.*

That's for knocking me out and throwing me in this cell!

[Cujo] Ow! Okay, okay, he's behind the wooden door with the bars instead of the key locks!

[Keymaker] [calling from down the hallway] Hey!