h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It gladdens my heart to see the CAC Continuum carrying on the work of <./>AggGag</.> and promoting the best of the rest.

My thanks to for their continuing support of Alien Content(ment).


~jwf~

I trust the layout is to your liking?

shazz

Don't talk to him!
He's on one of his shameless self-promotion tours again.

A bit like I am eh?

shazz

Yes, but at least you have a broadsheet to hide behind, Sally Rand...
he has those ridiculous tires he borrowed off an Ford Exploder and they keep popping!
If only he would tune that G string... so it doesn't flop so much...

Hey! I'm not a fan dancer!!!

Well - not these days anyway.

shazz

>> I trust the layout is to your liking? <<

Yes I am liking.

At first blush I was pleased to see it looked just like the original concept that sneaky had worked so hard to create. And yet somehow it was neater, cleaner, brighter, more organised, more readable; in a word 'well-edited'.

I don't know enough (and forgotten even more) about GDML to comment on how this is accomplished so I am content to assume it is simply the context of being in where everything enjoys the radiant glow of being shazzified and is become resplendent with the glory of shazzism.

As for anything said beyond Post #2 of this thread, I respectfully decline any further comment.


~jwf~

Ach! Now he's being modest.
That's when I count the silver and keep a hand on my wallet.

You've got a wallet? Sheesh!
When I want to count my silver I put my hand in my pocket because I keep my assets in my pants.


~jwf~ takes a small bow, having used the word 'my' five times in one sentence without hesitation or embarassment

'I keep my assets in my pants'

shazz

That's the oddest assessment I've ever heard!
Do you make a noise when you flip a coin?


Hey, Mr. Bojangles!

One of the great insights commonly enjoyed by all those who have spent time in a jail, prison or mental institution is a general contempt for coin jigglers and key rattlers.

Guards in these places are by definition a nervous lot. They may have the guns and the hypodermic syringes but they are always on edge. As a result, they all develop the nervous habit of rattling their keys in a very noisy and annoying manner. This acoustic defense mechanism reminds everyone just who is in charge and just how helpless those who aren't really are. The sound would drive Pavlov's dog mad.

Once discharged back into reality, former inmates jump at the sound of keys being rattled or coins being jiggled. Their heads turn and their eyes lock onto the offender, and there are no bars, no guns, usually just some arrogant git seeking attention or posturing his athourity impatiently in a queue.

These rattlers have no idea of the cruelty inherent in their sin. They only know that it makes them more comfortable and seems to put other people on edge. Car salesmen are among the worst offenders. They probably don't deserve to die, but some do. Mostly of self destructive behaviors.

FDR suggested walking quietly with a big stick. He must have known some former inmates.


~jwf~

>> Hey, Mr. Bojangles! <<

Oops. I shoulda indicated I was responding to that musical cue.


"...met 'im in a cell in New Orleans.
He was down and out...
and after 20 years he still grieves.."



~jwf~

"FDR suggested walking quietly with a big stick. He must have known some former inmates."

That was TEDDY Roosevelt, and if I remember correctly, he was once a police commissioner.

No, I object to bo jangling because it reminds me of an old Volkswagen with poorly adjusted valves...

There is a place in New Rochelle,
where your car can sit a spell,
and get it's oil changed,
windows washed,
and your valves adjusted as well!

"Thieves, thieves, tramps and thieves!"


Oh that FDR! Yeah. He's the one who used to shoot Mexicans for sport after the bufflao were all gone. Apparently, one day near Tiujuana he had a vision and invented the Teddy Bear. Now that's a quiet schtick. Carry on.


jwf

I think you are getting him mixed up with Jeremiah "Grizzley" Fulton, the first man to discover that fresh bear drool was a good hangover remedy, if collected from a hungover bear. This meant that he had to get the bear drunk in the first place and bears hate to drink alone.
Eventually, Mrs. Fulton, the former Coriolis "Jackknife Katey" Kane, formed the first interspecies Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in Bare Springs, Arizona and had to invent a special samovar spigot to keep the raccoons out of the Turkish coffee.
Fulton's Patented Headache Remedy is still to be found on the shelves of your more traditional liquor stores and auto supply depots. Turn's out it's real good at revitalizing old cracked windshield wipers and squeegee blades, too.
And not a single bear was harmed in the making of it. Nowadays, they use the FDA-approved substitute: DAR matrons in their dotage.