h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey Q you could make good money out of this!

Yes, Babel, you filled us in right . Now we get the the part where the story gets all meaty...

"A part of the Eternal Woods
Late evening...

Just after sunset on his way back to his camp after watching the sun unite with the mountains in the west, he sees the flickering of light between the tree trunks.
Approaching, he sees an old man sitting calmly by a fire, as if waiting for him. His left eye missing. His beard as if gold. The signs on his hood and cloak familiar. The one eyed old man matches the description of the soothsayer, as told by the elders of his village by the fires at night when he only a child.
The boy, now a young man, eager to know, asks the one eyed old man about his dreams. Dreams he cannot understand. Dreams about strange things he is seeing himself doing. Then the winds that seem to talk to him. Voices that whisper to him behind his back.

The one eyed old man tells him about the cycle of the stars, of the trail of fate and of the valley where time and space have ceased to exist...where this world ends and the shadows begin. The one eyed old man tells the young man that fate has chosen him to interfere with the other world. The disturbance has already been made. The daughters of the four winds have sold themselves to the shadows, distorting the balance of the universe.
And the one eyed old man says he has seen him come for a thousand years, and that the ageing gods have told him to teach him all that he has ever known and to prepare him to ride beyond this world and into the shadows as their champion to restore balance. To his aid he shall be given a sword forged when this world was young. He shall be guarded and guided by two ravens, and he shall ride the eight-legged stallion of his fathers' gods. He will encounter the Woodwoman, and he will make a visit to the Lake. One hundred days and one hundred nights his training shall be hard. And this very night it will already have begun."

"[Copyright Material removed by moderator]."

"And thus he had met the One Eyed Old Man."

Oh, sure Katsy, I could make some money out of this. Trouble is I'd lose it all when I get sued by the REAL Quorthon.

*A grown man, leaning against a tree swigging out of a bottle Of Six Grapes port, nods sagely*

Hic. Ooops, pardon.

Blushes.

*A young man, sitting squeezed between two others gulps in anticipation*

Gulp.

*He sips at his port. Takes another sips an realizes the last sip really _was_ the last sip.*

Hm.

*Pours himself some wine from the flask that is passed around. First a little which he then pours on the ground, then a little more*

*sips whisky and enjoys this rendition*

*whispers'
The two ravens, could they be Hugin and Munin, advisors to the great Odin? And the eight-legged horse, there's only one of those, and his name is Sleipner!
*Takes a sip of wine*

*walks by, spots an anticipating party sitting around a fire, finds himself an empty seat*
hello. is this one free?

*listens to saga, remains sober, watches faces in crackling firelight*

*pulls blanket tight around her as she gets chills, pours another glass of wine*

*whispers to not toni* no this seats not taken *offers a glasss of wine*

*pours a cup of wine for the storyteller*
*sips port and waits eagerly for what comes next*

*takes wine, whispers* thanks *and sits down.*

*Leanes forward, eagerly awaiting whatever there is to come*

*downs wine*
Cheers Lil, though next time I'll have a Hooch. Or a cider.

And, Bumblebee mate, you heard the story before? I think our guy's crows, Hugin and Munin, are so cute, and they are named in my favourite part of the story. Wait And Bleed, friends.

Next part, now...

"An icy cave in a mountain...
Bright morning...

At the one eyed old man's request, he walks into an icy cave lighting up its inside with a torch. Finding what he has been told to look for, a wooden box containing a five-foot long object wrapped in a bear's fur, he brings the object back to the one eyed old man. Upon unwrapping the fur, the long sharp blade of the sword catches the beams of sun and a sigh is heard across the sky."

"This sword of steel that I hold in my hand
Ore of the mountain. A sword of this land
Made for a king when the elders were young
To guard us and to guide us in an age long time gone

A sword to protect the peace in troubled times
A sword made to battle and to take a life

This sword is the backbone of the life that I know
Here among mountains and snow

This sword will be one with me. Body and soul
All of me will be delivering each blow
Slung on my back oh it's powers I feel
I can hardly wait to try its steel

A sword to protect the peace in troubled times
A sword made to battle and to take a life

This sword is the backbone of the life that I know
Here among mountains and snow

Behold its sharp beauty, just look at its shine
This sword was forged in fire and ice

This sword is the backbone of life that I know
Here among mountains and snow

Now I am ready
To let this old sword sing again!"

"And thus he was granted The Sword..."

*hears the storytelling and joins the circle of listeners trying not to disturb anyone*

*thinks a heavy guitar track would sound great*

*telepathing to ox: only in your mind, please...*

*sits down, pulling woollen mantle tighter*

*telepaths back to Titania*


*of course*

*silent, understanding *

*edges closer, realises has left warm patch behind, pulls jumper down around knees to keep the chill air out*

can someone pour me some more port in this?

*proffers empty mug in direction of port*

* slips silently into the back of the group to listen *