h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OH!!! Ireland, where you are from!!! So it's pretty much a social security card!!!

::is on guard for a good smacking::

Oh. I see. Everyone's picking on me.
Sir Francis Drake gets to "burn the king of Spain's beard" in 1587 and is considered a hero, but if I torch the countryside a little here and there, people say I'm "mad".
Well, it shows me who my friends are,
thanks for supporting me Mari-Rae.

<BB<

Nice attempted guilt-trip, BB, but it won't wash.
If you'd just been torching the odd field or haystack, we could have humoured you. It was when you started wanting to burn PEOPLE that we got worried! Particularly when it looked like we might be next!!

SEE THE !!!

::nods and grab BB by the arm::

::Pierre pushes him from behind with his trunk::

*Emma thumps Pierre a good one, wraps her trunk around Bluebottle and lifts him up to mari-rae's chaise and puts him gently down.*

Mind the umbrella. Here, have a brownie. They are comforting in times of stress.

*Slips BB a Bic lighter. * Think on infidels and have fun, hon!

(Kevin rushes up alongside Emma, grabs BB in his trunk, and deposits him outside the 's door. Ormondroyd hurriedly dismounts and rings the doorbell. The answers.)
Hola! Éste es nuestro amigo Bluebottle. Él es muy enojado - un pyromaniac! Puede usted ayudarle? Él le pagará con este Brownie!
("Hello. This is our friend Bluebottle. He is very mad - a pyromaniac! Can you help him? He will pay you with this Brownie")

Por 42 Brownies... Tengo muchos ninos que necesitan comer!!!

(For 42 Brownies... I have many children that need to eat)

No podria usted justo guardar a lo o a algo?
(Couldn't you just keep him or something?)

::El Doctoro examines BB's teeth, as if her were a horse::

Hey wait... we... don't really want to get RID of him, do we!??

(Thinks hard. After long pause...)

Can I get back to you on that one?

Sure!!!

What does our Archbishop have to say about all of this!?? We can't sell BB off to a Spanish Doctor without the Church's consent, can we!??

True.
I suppose we'll have to keep BB for now. But perhaps his Marvness can give us a definitive ruling later.
Provided BB doesn't set fire to him first, that is.

::nods:: It's a good thing that El Doctoro doesn't look very interested in taking BB off of our hands-- errr... I mean, out of our Elephant Trek...

Look - I HAVE NEVER BURNT ANYONE IMPORTANT!
I always liked my travelling companions, especially Mari-Rae, so I would never do anything to hurt them.
There's no harm in burning an odd infidel here and there...
...But I think it's unfair that everyone is ganging up on me like this. Can you find a single post where I've burnt any follower of th Brownie? That's because I haven't! And I never will!

So, why can't you stop all this fighting amongst ourselves, and just kill/convert and infidel or two. That's what we're here for, isn't it - to spread the word of the Brownie.

No-one will take us seriously if we keep attacking each other.

<BB<

I'd just like to point out that as the CotTB is a relatively new religion, 99.9999% of the world's population. are infidels. So you may need rather a lot of matches...
And anyway, when I joined the Trek, I thought that our mission was to inform and convert, not incinerate and conflagrate.

Indeed it is, but I find people are more open to being informed and converted when the only alternative is to be incinerated and conflagrated.

<BB<

I'm sorry, but that's just morally wrong. Pierre and I might take a detour...

Admittedly, BB's strategy is in keeping with the methods of religious "persuasion" that have prevailed throughout history - but I agree. I'll join you.

Oh dear! Archbishop Marv better hurry back soon, or we could have a schism on our hands...

::nods:: I wish not to condone the harming of others in the name of the Brownie!!! This is not why I joined!!!