h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Despite propoganda to the contrary, in that he is apparently a poor time keeper, unreliable and generally inept at organising a drink in a brewery, I found young Roymondo refreshing in his enthusiasm to be first outside Margate Train Station, waiting to meet MMF and I when we staggered off the train. Around quarter of an hour later, RF arrived, and we began the steady stagger to Margate Wintergardens, where the second CAMRA Real Ale Festival was being held.

It wasn't difficult to find, really; we merely followed the steady stream of potbellied and frequently bearded individuals,(some of them male) crocodiling their way past The Clock Tower and Droit House and The Pier, and we slowly headed down into the bowels of the WinterGardens, paid our three quid entrance fee, bought a copious amount of beer tokens and our comemorative glasses with the Planet Thanet logo embossed thereon, sat down and proceeded to read diligently through the programme.

Our mission?

To research over 200 different types of Real Ale..and then, if we had time, the ten perries, and 35 ciders that were on offer.

Hey, its a difficult job, but someone had to do it.

At first, we decided in expedient to each buy a different brew, and share the sampling - I went for a Golden Newt, MMF a Tree Sparrow, Roy had a Tabitha the Knackered, and RF kicked off with a Killer Bee.

I can safely say my Golden Newt was particually vile, but undaunted (and slightly embarrassed I'd chosen such a naff beer) I attempted a Bitter and Twisted, which got a grudging 1 out of 5, a Scorpio Porter dubbed...... a bit liquoricey and finally came up trumps with something called Hophead, which got a scrawled "luverly" on my programme.

It went downhill from thereon.

Roy was getting to grips with a Shropshire Lad, RF was grappling with a Critical Mass, MMF passed on the Otter; we all had sips from each others glass, so I reckon its a safe bet to say we tried quite a few beers in total. The administration, however, did suffer after the 6th glass - but I did my best.

No Badgers there........... but we did have the choice of a Wild Hare, a Shefford Duck,a Red Dragon, a Norwich Terrier, a Sheepshaggers Gold which I believe Roy attempted ,a Greyhound Strong a Honey Bunny, oh yes - and a Pressed Rat and Warthog which I found - apparently -"V.Pleasant", to choose from the animal kingdom alone.

There was also the old cliche of a Piddle in the Wind, and we all were tempted by a Crafty Shag, but oddly enough, that particular barrel had a queue a mile long, so obviously a lot of other people have the same sad, juvenille sense of humour that H2 researchers have.

Which is kinda comforting.

Frankly, I'm amazed I had tastebuds by this stage, but I'm a tenacious researcher, and after a mere hours break for a Pizza at the local Pizza Hut(actually 3 individual pizzas if we're going to be reasenably accurate) for Roy, RF and myself, we returned back to applaud MMF who had gamely carried on with his research, eschewing the chance of food to contiune serious research, whilst we lightweights needed some serious carbohydrates to soak up the alcohol.

Roy got cracking on the cider rearch, RF researched a Critical Mass, and I discovered a brew called Dartford Wobbler - and being Belvedere bred, I felt morally obligated to try some; a less charitable member of our group (no names ) spotted a particually portly young lady who from there on was referred to as *The* Dartford Wobbler.

My, how we laughed - especially when her boyfriend was out of earshot.

The conversations ranged from the sublime to the ridiculous, and I don't know whether to be proud or offended that Roy has the opinion that I am even more smutty than he. Its a vile slander, I tell you!

I don't know which comment in particular he was referring to, but it's gratifying to know that I can make the smaller of the 2 Rs blush like a schoolgirl. He couldn't tell if I were blushing, because (a) I've got a high colur anyway, and (b) after half a pint of anything I start doing a beetroot impression regardless

...but he doesn't need to know that, now does he, children?

Finally, we all lifted a glass to 2 Legs, whose presence was missed greatly; he's a poorly bunny this week. What else could we have chosen, but Mine Beer, from the Blindman's brewery in Somerset?

Here's to a speedy recovery young Leglets

Around half seven, after a mere solid 7 hours of serious researching, RF and I headed for the Station and the lure of a reasenably half decent cassarole in my slo cooker, leaving the other 2 repro--researchers to manfully carry on vital research.

Such dedication needs to be applauded and treasured, and no doubt Rehab will be offered should it ever become necessary

My word, but they can drink!

A great day, and a venue well worth visiting again - my thanks to my fellow researchers for making it all such fun

Cheers gentlemen, all

typically I get a bluddy cold that week and its still hanging about too, the cold that is I'd heard of a few of the beers you mention but not many! Maybe next year.... or there is always the Cambridge beer festavil, though I think I may have invited some of my 'normal' friends down whilst that is on Sounds like you had a good time... But why no mention of Roymondo falling over? surely he must of at some point in the evening?

Probably because it was me who kept tripping up and it was young Blusher who was keeping me aloft, 2 Legs

Can't help it.. its me age.


If we can't make the Cambridge Beer Festival.. there's always the Faversham Hop Festival, you know. Its in August sometime.

That involves LOTS of beers

And Morris Dancers