h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Why don't you put a couple of lines of the song in between? Or, use them as Headers

Which lines, do you reckon?

Ummm.. I would have to read the lyrics, it's been a long time since I heard them. I might even be mixing them up with other words!

The trouble with using the lyrics is that the most memorable bits are obscene

*giggles*

That's the song I remember


With some careful editing, you might be able to use lines from the first verse in between your paragraphs

Hmmm...
There are some nice snatches that only suggest the impending expletive, but fitting them in is difficult:

...can't be bothered with the fuss today...
...even though they earn 30k...
...standing here in the pouring rain...
...I want to shoot them all with a rifle...
...they learn that on the two-day course...
...what you smell is what you get...
...chewing gum on every seat..
...don't tell me to mind the gap...
...the floors are sticky and the seats are damp...
...take your Oyster card and shove it...

I don't know really. And we're 48 hours into yet another Tube strike, so if that isn't enough incentive for someoneto pick it, it's probably doomed to fester.

When I saw the title of this entry I though 'Oh Christ, not another by-the-numbers list of names mentioned in a song and what they mean!' The I saw who wrote it and exhaled a very big sigh of relief.

It's a good 'un.

The first six lines:


...can't be bothered with the fuss today...
...even though they earn 30k...
...standing here in the pouring rain...
...I want to shoot them all with a rifle...
...they learn that on the two-day course...
...what you smell is what you get...
...chewing gum on every seat..


You could use them as quotes in between your paragraphs.. If you have a mind to

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Congrats, Pin.

Well, well

Thanks all

Very good!

An object lesson in how a short article can be eminently suitable for the EG.

Hi Pinn - I've just finished SubEditing your Entry hich you can find at A26655645

I've added a few links and made a few changes to the wording - the biggest change is to the 'perfect and cocksure' bit. 'Cocksure' implies fault and perfect doesn't, so I've reworded it.

Have a look and let me know if it's ok (sorry I couldn't add lyrics but the non-sweary ones just don't do the song justice), and then I'll send it off on its way.

Alex
<./>SubEditor</.>

Hi Alex

Thanks for this.

I take your point about the implicit hubris, but don't you think it's the 'perfect' that should go, rather than the 'cocksure'?

How about just replacing 'perfect' with 'brazen' in the original?

OK, total change of meaning, but I like the sound of the words.

Pin

Ok, done. Can I send it back now?

Hmm... would be a shame to delay it any further than I already have done - off it goes