h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

'Pussymobile'

This is an urban legend that surfaces about once a year in every local newspaper in the British Isles. The basic story never chandges, but other factors do sometimes change.

The central family in the story (let's call them the Joneses) are going on holiday. They go off to some tacky part of Spain for their package holiday, they all get sunburn and diarhoea, Dad gets violently drunk, Mum sleeps with a waiter, teenage daughter gets arrested at the French road border for carrying illegal substances, the usual sort of standard British holiday.

Anyway, they stop at some French motorway 'services'A few wooden benches and a hole in the ground to defecate into. where they encounter a small white cat, which they will prbably call 'George'. Or, if there is an eight-year old boy in the family, he'll want to call it 'psychokiller' or some such thing. And if there's a little girl then she'll want to call it 'fluffy'. And the teenage girl in the family will be too pissed to name it, so if it were up to her, it would probably be called 'bleeeuuurgghhh'.

Well, the family get on their way. But 'George'Or psychokiller, or fluffy, or bleeeuuurgghhh, or whatever you want to call it. Well, I'm calling it George, or Georgina if it's a female kitten. has 'mysteriously' disappeared.

Of course, family get home, go straight to the doctor's with those terrible cases of diarhoea that they've all had since the first paragraph. Upon unpacking the car, who do they find but GeorgeI've made this point before, and I'll not make it again.. Well, who would have predicted that?

and you wrote this because.......???

Hmmm, I'm not too certain about this one. You've embellished the story rather well, but when all the funny bits are peeled away, it's simply the story of a tagalong cat. Not sure it merits inclusion in the "definitive" collection, but don't be discourages; I know there's a great story right now that's trying to beat its way out of your head

Along with many other things. The original copy of the bible, the one which includes the steamy sex scene between Jesus and Magdalane. Also, Salman Rushdie's latest book 'why Islam is bloody stupid', not forgetting all the blood, brains and gore that was in there anyway...