h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

thats ok..you go girl! oh sorry,I hate that saying. Does anyone know all the words? That's one of my all time favorites.

The galaxy itself contains a hundred million stars
Its a hundred thousand lightyears side to side
It bulges in the middle sixteen thousand lightyears thick
But out by us its just three thousand lightyears wide.
We're thirty thousand lightyears from galactic central point
We go round evry two hundred million years
And our galaxy is only one of millions and billions
In this amazing and expanding universe.

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, the speed of light you know
Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is
So remember if you're feeling rather small and insecure
How incredibly inlikely is your birth
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhereout in space
'Cos there's bugger all down here on earth.

Sorry, that should say 'unlikely' in the third line from the bottom.

Ok I can't think of a funny,clever song to sing right now, so how about a deep one...

"Galileo's head was on the block
Crime was looking up the truth.
As the bombshells of my daily fears explode
I try to trace them to my youth.

Then you had to bring up reincarnation
over a couple of beers the other night.
Now I'm serving time for mistakes made by another in another lifetime.

How long til my soul gets it right
Any human being ever reach the highest light
cept for the restless soul of Galileo
king of nightvision, king of insight

I think about my fear of motion
which I never could explain
some other fool across the ocean years ago
must have crashed his little airplane"


I have to say that this song has the best use of the words "nuclear annihilation" of any song I have ever heard.......

Sit on my face and tell me that you love me.
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too.
I love to hear you oralise
When I'm between your thighs.
You blow me away!

Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you.
I'll sit on your face, and then I'll love you truly.
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine
If we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play
Till we're blown away!

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
And while we're on the subject..


Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.

I was wondering when someone was going to throw that song out there...I thought about it but decided against it being a female and all....but it is one of my husband's favorites. And I thought of a funny one, it is from Weird Al's latest album (and yes I am already a member of the fan club.)

"I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a big ol' truck
Pedal to the metal, hope I don't run outta luck
Rollin' down the highway until the break of dawn
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on

My diesel rig is northward bound
It's time to put the hammer down
Just watchin' as the miles go flyin' by
I'm ridin' twenty tons of steel
But it's sure hard to hold the wheel
While I'm still waiting for my nails to dry

Oh, I always gotta check my lipstick in that rearview mirror
And my pink angora sweater fits so tight
I'm jammin' gears and haulin' freight
Well, I sure hope my seams are straight
Lord, don't let my mascara run tonight

Because I'm drivn' a truck
Drivin' a big ol' truck
Smokey's on my tail and my accelerator's stuck
Got these eighteen wheels a-rollin' until the break of dawn
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on

Oh, I don't mind when my crotchless panties creep right up on me
And my nipple rings don't bother me too much
But when I hit those big speed bumps
My darling little rhinestone pumps
Keep slippin' off the mother-lovin' clutch

But still I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a big ol truck
Headin' down the interstate just tryin' to make a buck
Wearin' feather boas with sequins and chiffon
While I'm drivin a truck with my high heels on

I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a truck
Got a load to carry and some eyebrows left to pluck
And I'm late for my appointment down at the hair salon
So I'll be drivin' a truck with my high heels oooooonnnnnnnnn!"

I love this song...

Well when I came home last night I headed straight for my stash
'cause I wanted some of my private blend which is 2 parts grass to 1 part hash
Well when I got to my little hidingplace and I checked out my litlle plastic bag
There wasn't a speck of that nice leaf left and I felt my whole spirit sag

There's nothing but Twigs and Seeds
Twigs and Seeds
and they sure don't deliver the punch that this ol' head needs...

So I phoned up my old connection and I said
'look Richard, this is an emergency man
Look I just discovered that I am fresh out of that herb that is so dear to me
You know what I mean man ?'
He said : 'Look Jesse I'd like to help you man'
Said 'I'm in the business to supply you with the weed you know"
"But the man just busted a whole huge shipment of mine
And now everyone in town's smoking twigs and seeds"

Twigs and Seeds
Twigs and Seeds
and they sure don't deliver the punch that this ol' head needs...

So you have morning glory seed and nutmeg
And LSD and model airplaneglue
And Peyote buttons an' Methedrine, Benzedrine, Hexedrine
Someone said bananapeels would do
let us say that the use of these various hallucinogens
Was somehow no longer a misdeed
Well man, I still think there ought to be some sort of law
About possession of nothing but twigs and seeds...

I want to violate you
I want to desecrate you
I want to penetrate you
I want to complicate you

Help me! I've broke apart my inside
Help me! I've got no soul to sell
Help me! The only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself

I want to f__k you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to f__k you like an animal
My whole existance is flawed
You get me closer to God

You can have my isolation
You can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith
You can have my everything

Help me! Tear down my reason
Help me! Its your sex I can smell
Help me! You make me perfect
Help me become somebody else

I want to f__k you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to f__k you like an animal
My whole existance is flawed
You get me closer to God

Well, that was nice..What is this wiesrd Al phenonomen (da da da dada)
What was that?? Phenonomen
da da da dada
Phenonomen
da da da dada dadada dadada da dada dada dada

hmmm

Nine Inch Nails!
And Python's best....
Good combo.

Hey, Towelmaster, have you ever heard one called *The Great Smoke Off* ?

*dashes behind a curtain and comes out wearing a Lederhoesen*

Ich bin ein Holzfäller und fühl mich stark
Ich schlaf des Nachts und hack am Tag

Er ist ein Holzfäller und fühlt sich stark
Er schlaft des Nachts und hackt am Tag

Ich fälle Bäume, ich ess mein Brot
Ich geh auf das WC
Am Mittwoch geh ich shopping
Kau kekse zum kaffee

Er fällt die Bäume er isst sein Brot
Er geht auf das WC
Am Mittwoch geht er shopping
Kaut kekse zum kaffeev

Er ist ein Holzfäller und fühlt sich stark
Er schlaft des Nachts und hackt am Tag

Ich fälle Bäume und hupf und spring
Steck Blumen in die Vas
Ich schlupf in Fraukenleider
Und lummel mich in Bars

Er fällt Bäume, er hupft und springt
Steckt Blumen in die Vas
Er schlupft in Fraukenleider
Und lummelt sich in Bars...?

Er ist ein Holzfäller und fühlt sich stark
Er schlaft des Nachts und hackt am Tag

Ich fälle Bäume, trag Stockelschuh
Und Strumpf und Bustenhalter
Wär gern ein kleines Mädchen
So wie mein Onkel Walter

Er fällt die Bäume, tragt Stockelschuh
Und Strumpf und Bustenhalter...?



Good meal Helena?

Hey technicolor is that supposed to be like "Zehn Kleine Jagermeister"?????

You mean they've even desecrated Monthy P. in german..??????
Oh my God I thought Richard Burton and Clint Eastwood in german was quite enough

Well at least Milli Vanilli hasn't covered it.....they didn't did they ?? *concern in voice*

TM(Traum Man???).

Das var yummy!! Danke. And i just happend to finish it off with some christmas biscuits from Nurenberg that the German girl in our flat was handing out...Apologies to Norwegians, i know I'll get around to learning to write properly someday..

ned På Bunnen av den mørket hav
Sitte en liten Djevel og gråte
han synes at alle er så synd på ham
til han begyer å le
den førte til å fikk den ide

og solen skulle stot opp
og varme min crop....

Que?

Jo tak du så lenge jeg lever...

Sorry just getting carried away in one of the few norwegian songs I know all the words to, that isn't a hymn or a Christmas carol...And I've watched monty Python in German...its surreal!!

HOWLS OF DERISIVE LAUGHTER !!!!!
Just caught it technicolor. My German's a little rusty

Took me a bit longer.
Have to get Bowler in here and see if he can figure it out!

One of my favs, by the way!
don't anyone give it away.