h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Steps up to mic and taps it a couple of times*

Ahem...

Though I've tried before to tell her
Of the feelings I have for her in my heart
Every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve
As I've done from the start

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turn me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

Do I have to tell the story
Of a thousand rainy days since we first met
Its a big enough umbrella
But its always me that ends up getting wet

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turn me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

I resolved to call her up a thousand times a day
And ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way
But my silent fears have gripped me
Long before I reach the phone
Long before my tongue has tripped me
Must I always be alone

Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turn me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

Every little thing
Every little thing
Every little thing
Every little thing she do is magic magic magic magic magic magic


*Coughs littly and begins to step away from the mic, but turns and quickly adds...*
Sorry, couldn't help but sing The Police, just the mood I'm in.....

Amadeus, Amadeus
(Amadeus)
Amadeus, Amadeus
(Amadeus)
Amadeus, Amadeus
(Amadeus)
Ohhhh, Amadeus....

*ahem*

i, hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i, focus on the pain
the only thing thats real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything

what have i become
my sweetest friend
everyone i know, goes away
in the end

you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

i wear this crown of sh*t
upon my liars chair (?)
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
i am still right here

what have i become
my sweetest friend
everyone i know, goes away
in the end

and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt

if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would turn away (?)

C is for COOKIE, that's good enough for me!
C is for COOKIE, that's good enough for me!
Cookie, Cookie, Cookie!

I've just had a weekend of cookie monster inpressions done in Norwegian... Just ask Tobo....
A c is like a cookie with a bite taken out of it...

The wonderful thing about tiggers is tiggers are wonderful things!
Their heads are made out of rubber,
Their tails are made out of springs
They're bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy
fun fun fun fun fun fun
But the wonderful thing about tiggers is
¨that I'm the only one!!
Hxx

Hey Sporky, you forgot that the end of the Cookie song goes; "Cookie Cookie Cookie stands for 'C'".

Right then...

If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man,
You win some, lose some, all the same to me,
The pleasure is to play, makes no difference what you say,
I don't share your greed, the only card I need is
The Ace Of Spades! The Ace Of Spades!

Playing for the high one, dancing with the devil,
Going with the flow, it's all the same to me,
Seven or Eleven, snake eyes watching you,
Double up or quit, double stake or split,
The Ace Of Spades! The Ace Of Spades!

You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools,
But that's the way I like it baby,
I don't wanna live for ever,
And don't forget the joker!

Pushing up the ante, I know you've got to see me,
Read 'em and weep, the dead man's hand again,
I see it in your eyes, take one look and die,
The only thing you see, you know it's gonna be,
The Ace Of Spades! The Ace Of Spades!

Riiiiiight... I was doing the middle bit, actually...... would you like me to do the whole thing?

It's like a jungle sometimes it make sme wonder how I keep from going under
My brothers doing bad stole my mothers TV says she watches too much it's just not healthy 'All my children' in the daytime 'dallas' at night can't even see the game or the sugar ray fight Bill collectors they ring my phone and scare my wife when I'm not home got a bum education double digit deflation can't take the train to the job cos theres a strike at the station Neon King Kong standing on my back ass stoppped to turn around broke my sacridiliac a mid range migrane cancer membrane sometimes I think I'm going insane I swear I might hijack a plane!
Don't push me cos I'm close to the edge I'm trying not to lose my head.It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.
A child is born with no state of mind blind to the ways of mankind God is smiling on you but he's frowning too cos only God knows what you gonna do Grow up in the Ghetto living second rate and your eyes will sing a song of deep hate the places you play and where you stay looks like one great big alley way You admire all the number book takers (and derr derr der) the big money makers driving big cars spending th e twenties and tens and you wanna grow up to be just like them Hah! Smugglers scramblers burglars gamblers pick pocket peddlers even panhandlers You say I'm cool I'm no fool but then you wind up dropping out of high school now you're unempolyed all non void walking around like your pretty boy flloyd turn to stick up kid look what you done did got sent up for an 8 yr bid now your manhood is took and your a maytag spend the next 10 years as an undercover fag being used and abused and served like hell till one day you'll be found hung dead in your cell but now your eyes do sing a sad sad song of How you lived so fast and died so young

urm.. dunno what a sacridiliac is or even if maybe I misheard...

Nei di dorry fy ngwallt yn hir ? Reit i lawr at fy nhin
fydd neb yn eistedd wrth fy ymyl, pan dwi ar y bws
nei di dorry fy ngwallt yn hir,A paid a gneud dim ffys!

Nei di siswrn! Nei di dyfu Fy ngwallt
pan dwi tyfu fyny, tyfu fyny ?

Nei di dorry fy ngwallt yn hir ?
Reit i lawr at fy nhin

I've been remiss... but, I'm back

Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh

Up every evening 'bout half eight or nine
I give my complete attention to a very good friend of mine
He's quadraphonic, he's a, he's got more channels
So hologramic, oh my T V C one five
I brought my baby home, she, she sat around forlorn
She saw my T V C one five, baby's gone, she
She crawled right in, oh my
She crawled right in my
So hologramic, oh my T V C one five
Oh, so demonic, oh my T V C one five

Maybe if I pray every, each night I sit there pleading
"Send back my dream test baby, she's my main feature"
My T V C one five, he, he just stares back unblinking
So hologramic, oh my T V C one five
One of these nights I may just
Jump down that rainbow way. be with my baby, then
We'll spend some time together
So hologramic, oh my T V C one five
My baby's in there someplace, love's rating in the sky
So hologramic, oh my T V C one five

Transition
Transmission
Transition
Transmission

Oh my T V C one five, oh oh, T V C one five
Oh my T V C one five, oh oh, T V C one five
Oh my T V C one five, oh oh, T V C one five
Oh my T V C one five, oh oh, T V C one five

Maybe if I pray every, each night I sit there pleading
"Send back my dream test baby, she's my main feature"
My T V C one five, he, he just stares back unblinking
So hologramic, oh my T V C one five
One of these nights I may just
Jump down that rainbow way. be with my baby, then
We'll spend some time together
So hologramic, oh my T V C one five
My baby's in there someplace, love's rating in the sky
So hologramic, oh my T V C one five

Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh

Oh my T V C one five, oh oh, T V C one five
Oh my T V C one five, oh oh, T V C one five
Oh my T V C one five, oh oh, T V C one five
Oh my T V C one five, oh oh, T V C one five
Oh my T V C one five, oh oh, T V C one five

Ummmm..._starts_ with C.

Grabs mic and selects a fave REM tune:

Ohh< life is bigger, it's bigger than you and you are not me
The lingths that I would go to, the distance in your eyes
Oh no, I said too much
I set it up
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it.........

(Drunken singing from the back)
Ohh no I've said too much.....

lalala...
Isn't it wonderful to be a woman??

In light of recent events...

"Them belly full but we hungry, a hungry mob is a angry mob
A rain a-fall but the dirt it tough, a yot a-yook but the yood no 'nough

You're gonna dance to Jah music, dance
We're gonna dance to Jah music, dance, oh yeah
Forget your troubles and dance
Forget your sorrow and dance
Forget your sickness and dance
Forget your weakness and dance

Cost of living get so high, rich and poor, they start a cry
Now the weak must get strong, they say, oh, what a tribulation

Them belly full but we hungry, a hungry mob is a angry mob
A rain a-fall but the dirt it tough, a pot a-yook but the yood no 'nough

We're gonna chuck to Jah music, chuckin', hey
We're chuckin' to Jah music, we're chuckin', ooh
(Chuckin')
(Chuckin')
(Chuckin')
(Chuckin')

A belly full but them hungry, a hungry mob is a angry mob
A rain a-fall but the dirt it tough, a pot a-cook but the food no 'nough
A hungry man is a angry man, a rain a-fall but the dirt it tough
A pot a-yook but the yood no 'nough, a rain a-fall but the dirt it tough
A pot a-cook but the yood no 'nough, a hungry mob is a angry mob
A hungry mob is a angry mob ..."

And now, perhaps the GREATest Pretender's song:

'I went back to Ohio-
but my city was gone
There was no Train station
There was no Downtown
South Howard had disappeared
All favorite places
My city had been pulled down
Reduced to
parkin
spaces

Ain't no where to go Ohio

I went back to Ohio
But my family was gone
I stood on the backporch
There was nobody home
I was stunned and amazed-
my childhood memories
slowly swirled past
Like the wind through the (ah) trees

Ain't no where to go Ohio

I went back to Ohio
But my pretty country side
had been paved down the middle
by a government that had no pride
The farms of Ohio had been replaced by Shopping Malls
And Music filled the air
From Seneca to- to Cuyahoga Falls

Ain't no where to go Ohio'

Spam in the place where I live. (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now. (oh boy)
Spam in my lunchbox at work. (it's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwich, any way you slice it at all.

If you're running low, go to the store.
Carry some money to help you buy more.
The tab is there to open the can.
The can is there to hold in the spam.

Oh, Spam on the table at home. (ham and pork)
Think about selection, are there different flavors now? (let's eat)
Spam in my office at work. (it's the best)
Think about the stuff it's made from, wonder if it's mystery meat.

If you need a spoon, keep one around.
Carry a thermos to help wash it down.
Now if there's some left, don't just throw it out.
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now.

Spam in my pantry at home. (have some more)
Think of expiration, better read the label now. (oh boy)
Spam breakfast, dinner or lunch. (it's the best)
Think about how it's been pre-cooked, wonder if I'll just eat it cold.

Now once you start in, you can't put it down.
Don't leave it sitting or it'll turn brown.
The key is going to open the tin.
The tin is there to keep the spam in.

Oh Spam, Spam. (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now. (oh boy)
Spam, Spam. (it's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwich any way you slice it.
Spam in the place where I live. (have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if I'm a junkie now. (let's eat)
Spam in the place where I work. (you're obsessed)
Think about the way it's processed, wonder if it's some kind of meat.
Spam in the back of my car. (ham and pork)
The tab is there to open the can. (spam any place that you are)
The can is there to hold in the spam. (spam any place that you are)
Oh Spam!

Oh dear.