h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You can't talk about sensible shoes without mentioning Clarkes, purveyors of the latest in sensible footwear. Shoes come in 3 colours - dark dull, mid dull and light dull. They are always made extra big / wide so that, should your toes wish to invite some friends round, there is ample room. They usually have sturdy buckles too.

Sensible shoes are also worn by poor, unsuspecting children with sadistic mothers who want their children to be ridiculed / ostricised / beaten up by their classmates all the way through school just so that they can have well-formed feet.

I wear sensible shoes merely as a defining characteristic of my true form. I blame the media.