h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

PS. Remember the old adage. "Beware Greeks bearing gifts."

Gooday Looneytunes,

Gee, you have such insight. I just figured the good Rev was an ordinary, knockabout okay guy, but can see now that he is at heart just another politician.

And let's face it, the person who coined the phrase 'beware Greeks bearing gifts' had damn good reason. No matter how it was gift-wrapped, a sodding great wooden horse packed with Greek soldiers set upon killing, raping and pillaging is not the sort of pressie I want for Fathers' Day (or any other). Anyway, as for the Olympic Games, it's all Greek to me.

PS Did I miss your response to my enquiry about whether FORTY-SIX was a record score against the All Blacks? Take care,

Walter.

Mmmmm, I thought I had carefully sidestepped that particular issue. The short answer is yes, as were the six tries the most tries ever scored against the mighty All Blacks in one game. Incidently forty was the most points South Africa has ever had scored against them.

Walter, I imagine new records will be set in the Aus-SA game on Sunday morning (our time). An early, cautious, prediction. SA 47-Aus 24. Which of course will ensure NZ retains the Tri-Nation trophy.

Loony, a judicious man.

Gooday again Looneytunes,

Can we have a wager on your prediction? If yes, please send cash in the mail NOW because there is little likelihood of me collecting my winnings after the game, what with the NZ economy being in such poor shape. And no, I won't take the winnings in sheep. My prediction - Australia 32-18. Take care,

Walter.

I suppose I'd better be in on this too: Aus 36 - SA 28.

Have been working late (and also don't really care: ref previous posting), so am completely unaware of Olympic goings on, controversial or otherwise. Thank you both for bringing them to my attention.

The 'Pricilla' concept, at the very least, will bring some welcome colour to proceedings (not to mention great music)- and I have always enjoyed the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras - so I'll give that idea the big thumbs up.

As for the medals - they should have stuck to sticking a blowfly onto each and every medal - then the athletes could take home a small piece of Australia with them.

My dear Walter,

Noting your interest in sheep and heart-felt concern about the NZ economy, you may enjoy a startingly-good article I have written for h2g2 about lamburgers.

It lives at http://www.h2g2.com/A423767

The reason I wrote this article are three-fold. As a caring, modest, man I wanted to: -

1/ Banish the scourge of world hunger for ever.

2/ Assist in getting rid of New Zealand's depressing balance-of-payments deficit.

3/ Stick one up McDonalds and Burger King.

I remain etc...

Loony

Gooday Looneytunes,

How is you weekend panning out thus far? I don't want to mislead you, my concern for the Enzed economy is far from heart-felt. I will be thinking of you in the wee small hours this morning as the mighty Wallabies cruise to the Tri-Nations trophy.

Loved you article. My beloved has another angle on McMucks that you may enjoy. She thinks that McD's should market venison burgers, and call them McBambyburgers - she figures the concept alone should turn millions of customers away from the Golden Arches. Take care,

Walter.

PS Do you think that McMucks might sue us for this kind of heresy?

Walter, I believe McMucks has achieved something deep and meaningful. It has united the mighty Australian and New Zealand nations in our contempt for American crap.

Have you asked your bride (or you if you do the cooking) to try my recipe?

I have just watched Essendon win an Aussie Rules semi-final. When I lived in Sydney - in the mid-70s - I flatted with a guy from Melbourne who was a Bomber's fan. He converted me to the amazing game.

Predictions?. Next week Essendon by 40. Tomorrow Easts by 6 over Brisbane. Later tonight I will be celebrating NZ's winning of the Tri-Nations trophy. Oh, and Chelsea will win the Pommie soccer league. Tampa Bay will win the Septic Tank's gridiron competition. Bulgaria will do well in weight-lifting at the Olympics... but will anyone care?

Loony

*A careless man writes*

Ooops, for bride please read beloved.

Congratulations convicts

Any rugby team that can beat the pride of NZ and SA with the last kick of the match two games in a row must have something special going for them.

My guess what this something special is?

An uncanny knack (experience?)of getting out of jail.

I care, I really do.

Accepted with similar care.

Gooday Looneytunes, and Wowbagger,

I've had a lot worse mornings than this, I can tell you. Thought we had coughed up the game and the Tri Nations until that unbelievable pressure kick by Mortlock. I'm too modest to ask if you noticed that I correctly predicted SA's score of 18. They might be able to score six tries against NZ, but the Oz defence was incredibly good.

No, the beloved (but yet to be bride) has not tried your recipe Looneytunes, good though it sounds, mainly because she doesn't eat anything 'that has a face'. But she has added another line for McMucks - roo meat, which she figures could be marketed as McSkippyburgers, which ought to turn off everyone from patronising them. She also says that she can recall McMucks do in fact sell McLamburgers somewhere, possibly in the Middle East.

I'd like to see the Roosters get up this afternoon, but if we are talking money then it has to be the Broncos by a fair margin. Take care both,

Walter.

A carefully selected excerpt from the secret diarys - Paddington, Sydney, September 12, 1975.

Bobby - "Great spread. Imported New Zealand tucker is fantastic."

Loony - "Yeah, but looking at that Australian sheila with the red hair and small boobs sitting over there pretending she is enjoying herself, I must admit that there are few sadder sights than a vegetarian at a barbie".

Gooday Looneytunes,

What a coincidence - I was at Paddington (Sydney) on 12 September 1975!! Have shown my beloved your posting. She is red-haired (my sense of propriety and delicacy forbid any discussion whatsoever about the other aspect) and figures you are an insensitive pig - remember, her words not mine Loony. I have tried to point out that while sometimes appearing flippant you are in fact a thoughtful and caring person, but the beloved will have none of it and says if you sound like a right oink you almost certainly are one. Still, there's another suggestion for McMucks 'identity' burgers - McBabeburgers. No need to congratulate me on my football tipping. Take care,

Walter.

Paddingtom 1975. A large group of friends from NZ, Aus and Scotland used to gather at the Grand National pub. Known then by its nickname, Louies Tavern, it was situated in Underwood Street. Underwood Street, known to us as Underworld Street, ran parallel to (one block back) Oxford Street.

At Louies you could cook your own burgers and steaks on the pub's BBQ. Your imaginatively-named burgers would have been a big hit.

Walter, please tell your beloved I am mortified. I completly forgot about my uncanningly-accurate crystal-ball-gazing powers.

Football tipping? It's so yesterday. Who cares?

Loony, predicting wonderful summer weather.

Gooday Looneytunes,

I am working hard on your behalf, and my own, but the beloved is not yet mollified. Remember the watering hole well, as indeed I should given how much time was mis-spent there. Loony, that is a quarter of a century ago, like a whole generation. You do realise the full significance of that for both of us, don't you? And you don't have to predict great weather ahead - this is Tasmania, which has the BEST climate in the WHOLE world.

Did I read on another thread that you are/were a journalist? Have you/do you work for any of the OZ sheets? Take care,


Walter.

Walter, I take your point about the generation thing. I visited the Grand National in the mid-90s. Asking the barman if the pub was still known as Louie's Tavern, he looked at me as if I should be carried away by men wearing white coats.

I worked, as a printer, for the Sydney Morning Herald in 74-75. This was in the days when newspapers were produced using hot-metal (lead). Returning to New Zealand just as papers here began using cold-type (computers)I moved into the advertising department, creating print ads.

At about the same time I started writing the occasional column for various publications.

The newspaper I worked on merged with another one last year. Taking voluntary redundancy I now work from home producing all sorts of print media - annual reports, advertisements, CVs, flyers etc.

The reason I volunteered to be a sub on h2g2 is (hopefully) to learn some of the skills needed to eventually score a job as a web editor in Kiwiland.

The weather? 19 degrees Celsius, cloud-free sky. I do so like a climate that cares about human comfort.

What were you doing in Sydney 1974/75?

Loony

Gooday Looneytunes,

Gee, you are a man of many parts. It sounds as if working from home can be both interesting and maybe profitable, but tell me this, please: is there much of a market for you to type up/prepare other people's CVs?

I was living in Sydney in 1975 (and before and after). I'm not really sure what was happening then. It was that time when we/I wore my hair longish, thickish sidelevers, moustache, flower-patterned shirts, wide coat lapels, flared trousers (so good for people like me cursed with ginormous feet), built-up shoe heels (all that a bloke six feet two could possibly wish for). I mean, wouldn't you want to forget? I remember the Grand Final: was at the SCG when the Roosters under Arthur Beetson thrashed St George 38 zip in what proved to be Graham Langland's last game; he famously wore white boots - should have been black for the way he and his team played. If anyone reading this is impelled to ask: who is/was Graham Langlands (or Arthur Beetson) YOU ARE ON THE WRONG GENERATION PAGE so please log out without feeling the need to make snide or otherwise insensitive remarks.

May have worked for and been sacked by the Daily Telegraph around that time.

Weather: fine and mild, almost no breeze, sixteen degrees but feels more like nineteen. In a word it is a feelinggoodtobealive kind of day. Glad yours is, too. Take care, caring one,

Walter.

Broncos win against the Roosters.
Makes Brisbane boy feel damn fine .