h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*They begin feeling fluctuations in the gravity as the ship leaves earth orbit.*

Linus, do you know what I need right now?

*blushes, and then realising Mari-rae is probably talking about beer *

If you feel anything like i do, i presume you need at least one beer and probably some salted peanuts........

Close. A nice large vodka tonic would be good. I won't say no to the peanuts, though. (what were you thinking, hmmmm?)

Best i don't answer that on the grounds i might incriminate myself

Ok, drinks all round then before we go exploring........

~deecides that he should probably lead the conversation to a safer subject~

Well, toss me over a beer then. I feel like could use one as well .
Don't want to encounter anything in here when we're sober, right?

You got that one right! I've been looking at this equipment. I suspect this ship is a warship. There are photon torpedo rechargers, and laser configuration terminals. We might want to slink somewhere less conspicuous.

I don't suppose we could nick it? I always wanted to fly a warship

Do you think the present crew might object if we stole their ship? They could be bigger than us...

*Looks round to see if she can locate anything to give a clue as to the crews size and location but instead spots what resembles a vending machine in a nearby corner*

Oh goodie! Goodies to eat!

*Bounds across and starts to push some buttons. For a while, nothing happens until suddenly a blue box drops onto the floor*

Well, that doesn't look at all edible to me. I wonder what it is?

Well, if Zaphod Beeblebrox could steal the Heart of Gold I see no problem taking this beauty for a spin!.......Gwen, perhaps it is the "Heart of Blue"?

*Finds a computer terminal and begins touching colored pads and alien symbols. Has no idea at all what she is doing. Stumbles across a symbol that looks like earth and touches it. The whole computer board becomes legible english. Quickly goes through the programs...*

Hey! Good news! This isn't a warship. Its a merchant vessel. It is heavily armed, though. They probably don't want people barging in and stealing things. They are on earth here looking for crew.

*Turns to her friends.* Do you want to sign on?

*Gravity lurches again.*

I meant, they WERE on earth looking for crew.

Hey, it's fine by me, as long as I get a chance to pilot this baby

That's not going to happen! You are aboard our space ship, and you have all just volunteered to become crew.

*Everyone turns to find a tall woman standing in a doorway. She is armed.*

I am C.J. Machickanee. You are aboard Machickanee's Hope. We are bound for Pell. I'll show you your quarters, then you can get to work cleaning the big hold. Pay is minimal until we evaluate your worth. Any questions?

I don't think she's kidding.

Um, could we start by cleaning the little hold instead?

Cleaning? *Starts to realise this may be more like home than a space ship*

Not cleaning! *Starts to sulk and throws her little blue box away*

Oh, come on people. If we all grab some brooms and a few buckets of water, it'll be done in notime. I think we should try to get along with this person here. After all, she is the one that's armed....
And also, if she sees that we are actually pretty good workers, this is the only time we'll be cleaning

I thought space travel would be exciting and full on interesting people and places. The last thing I expected was to have to clean space ships.

*Picks up a duster and some polish and starts to clean some dusty surfaces*

~grin~
~grabs broom and starts sweeping the floor~

Although the big lady over there doesn't encourage my enthusiasm...
Hey lady, would you be so kind to point that thing into another direction?

Not on your life, buster. And don't forget the cobwebs in the corners. When you've finshed I'll show you all to your quarters.

*noticeably not cleaning*

I didn't volunteer for anything lady, so either show me to the bar or get out of my way.....