h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The bus lurches down a long dusty country lane. It pulls up in front of a 2 story farmhouse with a wide wrap-around front porch. The house is sheltered beneath big shady trees. There is a barn with several silos and many outbuildings. Ducks, chickens and geese all scatter. A horse whinneys. Dogs come bounding out in greeting, tails wagging and eyes shining with excitement. There are tables set up in the shade and iced down tapper kegs of beer along with a complete country picnic including roast corn on the cob, fried chicken, ham, home-made sausages, potato salads, green salads, pasta salads, watermelons, biscuits, baked beans, cheese and relishes. There is a ball field, and a volleyball net, and a croquet yard. There are paths through the woods that meander through fields of wild flowers and the swimming hole and lakes.*

Yay! We're home!

*DD rushes down the bus to be first at the door*

*I forgot to tell about the desserts. Lots and lots of desserts: pies, handmade ice creams with fresh fruits, home-baked blue ribbon cakes, many varieties of cookies and bars. And I'm not forgetting the brownies!*

Don't *ever* forget the brownies.

All hail the great Brownie.

*DD gets down on his knees and prays*

*coelacanth wants to be the first in the water hole*
It's so lovely here! Thanks for inviting us.

~gets off the bus, and takes a deep breath to drink the fresh air~
This is a great place you have here, Mari-rae . I think I'm going to like it over here.

~happy grin~

Please, make yourselves at home.

*Goes into the kitchen to make up pitchers of real lemonade.*

Lemonade!! This is getting better and better!!

Oh Mari-rae. This is more wonderful than I imagined. *alicat runs to the pasture fence. All the horses stop grazing and rush over to greet the new visitors* Oh this is like my fondest dream. *alicat spots a beautiful dapple grey, her favourite. It nudges her, and she scratches it along its mane (a really itchy spot on all horses) Tears of joy well in alicat's eyes* All hail Mari-rae. I never want to leave here. Someday Farm! It's perfect.

*Vestboy is still stuck upstairs on the bus unable to see the way out through the smoke.*
H E L P ! Can someone guide me out of here!

*alicat, used to the smoke, returns to the bus. She takes Vestboys hand and carefully guides him through the haze and off the bus. She is smiling the biggest smile she has ever smiled.* Vestboy, wait until you see. This is paradise.

~Greebo bounces off the bus...~... Hmm... me has heard that milk is made on farms... me wonders where???

Greebs, we just have to find the cows. They are Jerseys, which are the most beautiful, and have the richest milk. Mari-rae has put out a wonderful spread of food, including doughnuts and brownies. She has graciously allowed us to roam wherever we please. BTW, you were a beautiful bride. I loved your blue bear.

*Frowning, Vestboy rubs last remnants of smoke from eyes and carefully looks around. Frown begins to lift.*
Did somebody say food?
*Frown disappears altogether. Sees tables laden with scoff. Big grin appears on face. Walks purposefully towards table.*
Apart from the Good Lord who do I have to thank for this?

*Fetches Coely's tank from the bus and places it in the pond*

Bet you thought we'd all rushed off and forgotten about you, hey?

This is wonderful Mari-Rae! I really wish you video had been able to play on our VCR as then I'd have been able to help with the guided tours round your farm!

Can I feed the goats and visit the cats??

Am I allowed to feed myself with both hands?

Thank you Gwennie.
This is such a wonderful place. Can I have some lemonade, with a straw please.
*Smiles a lot, but carefully, so as not to frighten the animals*

*finally emerges from the bus dragging a very large container making loud clinking noises*

Phew, that was hard work. At least someone didn't forget that we can not drink straight lemonade alone !!!!

Nice farm!

Spins round and round trying to see everything then falls over giggling at being on a farm

It is awful quiet around here, i'll give you that much........