h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Don't you steal passage on my ship and then show me an attitude! We'll talk about refreshments after you've scraped the rust off the decks.

*Brandishes her weapon menacingly.*

*Jumps in front of Linus and shoves a broom into his hands.*

We're cleaning, we're cleaning!

Drops broom, and starts walking in the general direction of the bar

*having an inate sense for these sort of things*

LINUS!!! WATCH OUT!!!!

*nonchalently deflects laser fire with his beer bottle*

Surely we would all be a lot more comfortable sitting around the bar while CJ tells us her story

I'm sure there are plenty of droids available to do the cleaning work...

~tries to remember how Mickey got the cleaning work done with the army of brooms~

Me thinks you have a point there, Linus. I've done enough cleaning for this day. The bar it is then.

~Looks around, and notices that there aren't that many adventurers left. Wonders where the rest has gone to...~

*Presses the fire button on her las-gun, but nothing happens. Notices a blinking telltale that indicates low battery.*

Oh poop! *Holsters weapon.* C'mon, then, I could use a drink myself.

*Leads them out of the hold and along a tubular corridor. Gravity is light and they float along using handholds set into the curved walls. C.J. takes them into a small room with built in benches. Some of the upholstery is cracked and torn. There are worn seat belts. She kicks open a storage compartment and pulls out a bottle of green liquid and some plastic cups.*

You'd better use the seatbelts. There'll be a one minute warning bell if we're going into hyperdrive. Always tie yourself down to something if you hear it, otherwise you'll be smashed against some bulkhead or other. Have some Kourna? It's homebrew. Has a bite to it.

*Pours*

We're a trading ship on the Pell, Vega, Wyatt's run. Got sidetracked to Earth to pick up a courier. Then you all jumped ship. We're headed for Pell right now. Pell's ok. Wyatt's is a pit. I was born on Big M, its a generation ship begun by my great great grandma Tess.
I was hoping to see something of Earth, but we weren't there long enough. What's it like? I heard it has a lot of violent weather - no weather control. How do you stand it?

*Follows C.J. along the corridors, enjoying the lack of gravity and accepts a glass of Kourna which she downs in one gulp*

Aaargh! Help! Water! *Chokes and starts to turn green(ish)*

*Gratefully accepts a glass of water from C.J.*

Actually, we rather like having unpredictable weather on Earth. Without it, half the population would have nothing to talk or complain about!

*Thinks she'd better engage in polite conversation, not involving weather patterns*

What's C.J. short for then?

*The Kourna starts to take an effect on Gwennie who flakes out on the bar, mumbling about an earthquake inside her head*

Kourna, why not

So are there other people around and if so how come they make you do all the dirty work....

*Sips the Kourna. Gags. Sips more.*

What is going to happen when we get to Pell?

Don't worry about that. Whats going to happen if we have too much more Kourna

Well, eventually we'll run out of it . Wouldn't want that to happen, would we?

The beer fridge is still nicely stocked and safely stored

We'll have to remember where it is though. I still have no idea how big this spaceship actually is ~looks at CJ for feedback~ and it must not get lost somewhere

Your personal belongings are stowed. Don't worry about it. The ship is as big as it needs to be. Don't worry about that either. Have some more Kourna. *Pours for all.*

C.J. is short for Cynthia Jane. Anyone who calls me Cynthia Jane will find themselves short on a body part or two.

Pell has a big labor shortage problem at the moment. You'll like it there. Lots of work for lots of pay.

*The ship gives a shuddering lurch. All the built-in cabinets in the room rattle. One pops open. There is a lot of what looks like cast off junk inside. C.J. kicks it shut again and drinks down her shot of Kourna.*

Well, I guess I'd better go make my report to the old man. If you're hungry there are rations pouches in there. *Indicates a drawer.*

*C.J. casually gets up and leaves the room. The door clicks solidly locked behind her.*

Funny how people can change attitudes, isn't it ? Well, now that we get along with one another, what shall we do about the offer of work and pay and all that?

~looks at his fellow adventurers for feedback...~

*Carefully raises her head off the bar so as not to incur too much movement inside her head*

Work? Money? Who? When?

Where's C.J. and why are we locked in? Did someone mention food? I feel as though I've not eaten for a week...

*Slowly wanders off to inspect the food which appears to be running around a table, the other side of the bar*

~sees Gwennie staggering towards the table and quickly jumps to her side to prevent her from falling~

Here, let me help you 'catch' some food then

I for one have no interest in work, and as for money i believe we till have Petas amex card as i grabbed it when we left the hotel at the falls (if anyone can remember back that far )

I don't like this! Why are we locked in?

*Jumps up and pounds at the door, then kicks and yells to be let out. No one responds.*

I think C.J. is a bad person. I think she'll try to make us slaves!

LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!