From the Greek for "without religion," atheists are the people who hang out in bars and drink beer and watch football on Sunday mornings without the least feeling of guilt.

Great care should be exercised to avoid confusing the atheists with the agnostics (from the Greek, meaning "without knowledge"), who will also be at the pub. Atheists and agnostics generally agree that the world's religions are futile and meaningless. The difference between atheism and agnosticism is a leap of faith. An atheist reasons that, since there is no Christian god, no YHWH, no Allah, or any of the weird Eastern gods, there are no gods anywhere, and that's all there is to it. Agnostics, on the other hand, acknowledge the possibility that there just might be some kind of higher power in the universe, be it a god, aliens, or Elvis. Agnostics are the kind of people that are likely to become castrated corpses in San Diego, wearing purple jumpsuits and awaiting a ride on a comet* . Atheists are likely to have enough lack of sensitivity to joke about it.

Atheism is the least understood of all beliefs. Its practitioners are generally despised as people without moral centers, but this is not the case. Most atheists, since they believe in no afterlife, place a much higher value on life than other sects. This means that they are very unlikely to attack a tank with a rock. It also means they are less likely to run over exuberant rock hurlers with their tanks. All life is precious.

Atheism is a rather widely practiced belief, yet it gets much less press than it deserves. This is because it lacks marketing focus. Christianity has jolly old Saint Nick and the Easter Bunny. It also has a hairy, skinny guy nailed to a cross. One would think this would be rather off-putting, but this is Christianity's most successful icon. But then, logic often fails to explain the actions of its adherents.

It is time to introduce the world to Darwin the Ferret. Darwin because he really gave the movement steam, and a ferret just because ferrets are cute and non-threatening*. Darwin the Ferret will crawl down your chimney (a bit more plausible than the fat guy) once a year and place monetary gifts in decorated purses for all the good boys and girls who managed to evolve a bit during the previous year. A lack of a gift means the child is swimming in the shallow end of the global gene pool. The fact that non-atheists would not be receiving these gifts would be rather telling, as well.