h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Character's name: Peet
Species: Small furry creature from Alpha Centauri
Position in crew: Beefcake/love interest/lucky redshirt*/plot device

(*Only survives away missions because he was once exposed to an infinite improbability field when he was younger)

cool but maybe an actual job on the ship before the captain shows up

Hi! Ship's pet seems like a great position to me! Unless you want something else.

"Lucky Mascot", please, as long as I get to wear a red shirt on away missions...

btw, what year is this?

A red shirt? Do you like life? Or are you immortal?

Not sure about the year. I never could figure out the Stardate.

"Not sure about the year. I never could figure out the Stardate."

Go into the corridor. Look down.

Linoleum? 22nd Century.

Carpet? 24th Century.

Entrails? You seem to be on a Klingon cruiser.

The corridors are lino, but many of the crew have carpets. And there are no entrails. At all. Whatever anyone says. Honest.

Update: Our crew list is now updated. Apologies for the wait.

Can mine say Commando instead of Security Officer?

Your Classified Ad caught my attention. Shall we begin?

Name: Tobias Nuge
U Number: U968321
Rank: Preferrably commander or suchlike. I'd go for Captain, but...
Position: Chief Science Officer.
Species: Deassimilated Borg. 73% human. Victim of Wolf 359.
Bio: Was recovered from a destroyed Borg ship and taken to Earth for analysis. Regained consciousness 2368, one year after the conflict.

Analysis of what human memories remained ascertained the Borg drone to be Captain Tobias A Nuge of the USS Bellerophon, which was a Nebula Class ship destroyed in the conflict.

Once his human personality had begun to reassert itself, he resumed the use of his name, but, on the advice of Admiral Paris, restarted his Starfleet career to be sure that the Borg influence could be controlled, and that Nuge's position as Captain, possibly Admiral, due to his veteran status, could not be abused.

His Borg personality partly reasserted itself in 2370, and Nuge proceded to assimilate part of the Starship USS Majestic (NCC-31060), while it was in spacedock at Starbase One. Federation experiments on a Borg Vinculum were found to be to blame, and Nuge was cleared of all charges. In 2372, his cortical node was altered to prevent Borg signals from altering his neural patterns.

He served aboard the USS Enterprise briefly from January 2373 to August of that year, but was assigned to Deep Space 9. Hearing that the USS Derringer had left to the Delta Quadrant, and eager to help them battle the Borg, he purchased a Ferengi runabout and persued them, catching up to them...

Sound okay?

Absolutely fine. I can give you operations manager, with additional duties. Your rank will be Commander, and we may need to commandeer your Ferengi runabout on occasion.. Is this agreeable to you?

Sounds marvellous! Ops is great, and I can do Stellar Cartography if the need arises. The Borg have a lot of the Delta Quadrant explored, and I retain some of that knowlege.

As for the runabout, consider it usable when you wish. It solves the "Where are we gonna get a shuttlecraft from, the whole complement was destroyed last episoide..." problem. Shall I come aboard?

Whenever you are ready, Commander Nuge. Welcome!

Right. Anyone see that Ferengi runabout on the sensors...?

you are now on the crew list. Sorry for the delay. Do you mind if I make your bio into a main page? I'd like a full background on all crew if possible, and yours is a perfect textbook example. One day I'm going to make one for Arrix...

Are we there yet?

Work away. Do you mind if I give you an extended version at a later date? I'd like to be able to fill in other details of the character.

Of course I don't mind, Nuge. Peet, you nmight want to get a red shirt out, we're going on an away mission to a hostile ship.

Name:Megalithp "Mega" Antium-Exos
Job:First officer
Race:Human

Tou're back then

*Over the Comm screen*

Commander Exos, this is a recorded announcement from Captain Aximili of the USS Derriner. Please wait at a Star Base to be collected, as we are currently unable to collect you.