h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So, does anyone use any 'alternatives' for swear words?
I mean like saying 'sugar' instead of sh*t, or 'Flip' intead of phuq.

Also, when writing do you spell words out in full, or asterisk them out or mispell them as I just did?

Even stranger - do you mispronounce any swear words to soften their impact or disguise them? (I sometimes say "Buggrrr" in a rustic kind of accent like an angry farmer - as though it's an affectation rather than actually me that's swearing.)

Is it just me. or do other people do these things too?

I like the clever work-around in the film "Spy Kids". Obviously targeted at the sub 4ft brigade. The child heroine -when driven to swearing having just been punched in the face but her evil robot twin (I'm selling it to you aren't I?!) -exclaims
"Oh Shit...ake Mushrooms"

Our 6-and-a-half year old loves this swearing brinkmanship...

I am peaceloving Anglo-asian Buddhist. I never used to swear despite attending a school (in Cambridge, UK) where it was rife. My friends used to think I had anti-Tourettes syndrome. I used to amble around, polishing my halo, playing football with a tennis ball (another story) easily resisting the temptation to use the obvious baaaad words at times of stress. I lived in the parental home thosedays. I think that had a lot to do with it. My parents NEVER swore & would probably have thrown me out had they heard me transgress. Those words just weren't accessible.

However now, 17 years on....having long entered the real world with all it's trials & tribulations....I swear like a trooper. Well, not uneccesarily and not AT people per se. Just to myself when I wince or cut myself or drop something or someone drives badly in my turning space or on hearing extreme news or when I inadvertantly delete/overwrite/forget something...you get the picture. Mainly F-, B*gger and B*llocks. Never C_NT...that's a nasty piece of work.

I like B*llocks...not literally you understand... It's a sort of comic swear word which has only recently gained popularity. I often mispronounce it as Bollows to try and disguise it's impact...or intertwine it with its close-cousin to form the closet & slightly sugary: B*ggary-B*llocks.....[I think I'm being over cautious with the *sterixes here but who knows my Mum might work out how to turn her PC on !?]

I'm not proud of all this you understand. I was really proud of my Halo days. I wish I could go back one day, Time travel...now there's a thing....

So it's not just you...

I like to use the word "bananas" in place of swearing. A lot of swearing can be in the inflection of a word, rather than the word itself - almost anything can sound offensive if you want it to!

I also use "smeg" and "feck" (from obvious TV shows) - though everyone knows what they really mean.

My boyfriend doesn't swear very much either...never has done. Apart from the odd "f**k", but that's usually if he's *really* annoyed.

I have to agree that parental influence is surprising here - if your parents swear lots, you're more likely to. I wonder if it just makes it seem more acceptable?

My wife has no probelm with swearing at all and is quite happy to say £UC|<, $#1T, bu99er and b100dy whoever is present. I on the other hand try not to swear.

While on holiday with a group of friends my wife was left in the minibus minding the 5 and 6 year olds. One of the braver ones said to her "You're the swear lady aren't you. What's the worst swear you can say?"
Without hesitation my wife said, "Cat's cardboard!"
The young lad was very impressed with this and the worst insult you could receive from then on was to be called cat's cardboard.

Personally, I like 'shazbat.' It offends no one, except possibly the odd passing Orcan. And for a written expletive I often use 'bolleaux.'

Another of my favourites is only really useful if you need to vent your spleen at length. "Blast the wicker basket your granny sleeps in." It's from either 'A Spaniard in the Works' or 'In His Own Write' (I can't remember which) by John Lennon.

Where I work, swearing can get you in real trouble. But sometimes people on the phone just drive you to it. My favourites, I've used, and heard other people use: You're such a Fine... Person! What a ... Beautiful one she was! Or combined - You are just such a Fine Beautiful person. Oh for ... Oh just Forget it! - all after you've hung up, of course!

My Mom used things like For Heaven's Sake, For Pete's sake, For the love of Mike. Don't know where these came from, but she didn't like too much swearing around the house. Funny, because my Dad could swear in complete sentences!

i have come up with some rather...interesting alternatives including things like 'shiskabob on a crooked stick', 'flapping floozies', and 'polished posies'. just odd combinations of normal words work.

My father - a Gaelic speaker - only ever swore in his native language. If he did swear in English, he would say things like "Hell's bells and buckets of blood!", which certainly enlivened DIY sessions around the house...

Me, myself & I all swear like there's no tomorrow. I don't even realise I'm swearing its just part of my vocabulary.
Its not big and its not clever, I know but I just can't help it-bad habits are hard to break but not impossible. I tend to go for a few weeks without swearing then its like all hell has broken loose, and ever other word is bad..
The only time I throw in an alterantive is when I'm being respectful to people or in front of children (they listen and repeat everything), other than then (which isn't very often) I don't see the point in the word or abreviating it just say what you mean- *Please or Offend*
As I say anyone who knows me personally don't get offended, but newcomers or passers by find it quite alarming that a young lady such as myself with a mouth like a sewer.
Could be worse I could be a lagerlout to go with it.
It doesn't make me a bad person because I swear, it just makes me- ME!

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CHeEky

I just say what i feel and if writing "rude" words, I write them as the are. We don't live long enough to spend time putting in axterix's in words and thinking of alterior ways of saying things when we could just as easily say the damn word and get it over with.

I think a four letter word that means something very similar for some people is "WORK" you only have to mention that word to some folk and they break out in a sewat Its like you had just sworn at them, I have never seen such work shy people, they moan because they cant get a job and when you offer them one, their off

Some time ago I started a small side line business to my day job, it was power washing roofs and patios, that sort of thing. Now my home town has a very high unemployment record, so I thought finding some one to clean up as I worked aloft would be no problem, Boy! was I wrong!!
when I did eventually find a youngster willing, he was so slow and basicly useless, I eneded up doing the sweeping myself
Smudger.

I've just forked off this thread to point out that 'halo' is a four-lettered word.

OH

Manik Girl I agree with you about doing as you please because time is precious, however sometimes you do have to consider other peoples ways and beliefs. e.g. You wouldn't talk to a or a the same way to talk to your friends would you? (unless they are your friends of course).

Smudger, not everyone is work shy, I work in a call centre and the staff turn over is extremely high, this is mainly due to stress levels in the job, but yes it doesn't help when you get new people (of all ages) train for the position they have been hired for and basically don't care whether they are still employed next week.
People need to feel valued in their job and not like a or a number but unfortunately with the number of callcentres growing this situation is going to get worse.
It would help if you were taken on as permanent staff straight from the start and not go though agencies and then temporary employment and finaly permanent position way down the line-which by that time you've put yourelf through so much stress wondering if you will have a job next month that you don't care that you've made permanent status. Obviously this applies to people who want to work- the ones with commitments, mortgage, kids, cars. Thats not to say the people without commitments don't want to work. Its just a case of trial and error.
I'm rambling, but your a for giving someone an opportunitynext time.

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CHeEky

I don't mind swearing much normally. I try not to, esspecially around people that definatly would get mad at me for it .

But there is a point to it I would guess. Of course you can go your whole life without swearing but why don't we address WHY people swear?

People swear for numerous reasons:

1. They stubbed their toe or did something wrong
2. Its in a funny situation
3. The want attention
4. It adds the needed punch to get their point across

The list could probably go on for a bit thats it for my point. Although you don't need to swear, people do to get looks or stress a point. An example in my life is right now I'm in a play and the director is having a hard time because one character uses the F word in a particularly desriable place. It just wouldn't have the same umph without it.

I could probably go one but thats enough I would guess.

Comments?

Technically, isn't use alternatives just as bad? Isn't using heck instead of hell really just the same? You're talking about the same place and feelings (unless you're talking about one comic where Heck actually is a lesser version of Hell).
Even though using an alternative word is more witty/funny. I feel it's really all about the meaning, instead of the word itself so it really isn't that much tamer.

I only curse every once and awhile, since it has more inpact that way. But when I do it usually go all the way, espcially when I'm with my friends (I'm in college so I'm around it a lot).
So to hell with heck! Just say it, if you're going to mean it!

For Pete's Sake and For the Love of Mike are semi-blasphemies- You're talking about Saint Peter and the Archangel Michael.

Hi CHeEky, I didnt say the everyone was work shy? just the ones I asked if they wanted to work?
As regards to working through an agency rather than be full time employed, well I know what you mean. I myself was a "subby" for many years in the oil industry, and we were treated differently, in many ways by a lot of people! Even classed as being second class. In fact on one occasion we lost three men who were tipped out of a crain basket and fell to their deaths, As we (the rest of the subbies) were leaving the site, as a mark of respect. We were challenged by the manager for leaving, as he said "they were only subbies, whats your problem"
So I can understand your frustrations with being employed on a temporary basis, and I know the feelings involved
Smudger.

Hello.

The word MAGIC, uttered with suitable intonation, conveys precisely the meaning intended by the more frowned upon expletives, without (as far as I am aware) being a sanitised version of any one of them. For emphasis, the phrase TOTAL MAGIC serves well.

Both these usages give the speaker a measure of surprise (and hence impact) which no longer applies to any of the B-words, or even the F-word.

Such artful use of language is far superior to just repetitive swearing. In fact this, and a few other idioms, have become something of a personal trade-mark, which I think is widely admired and liked.

Anyone agree?

OH

Yes - but for the life of me I can't think of any that I regularly use, although I know I do! I think I am having a very senior moment! When they come to mind I will post them. Sorry just gone blank and as if to reinforce that, the connections gone dead! Oh well!
Red Kite flying away

There was a story about a class in a junior school who were asked to use the word magic twice in a sentence. The first girl wrote "The magic fairy kissed the magic frog and turned it into a prince."
Tommy generally known for being a problem wrote, "My sister told my dad she was pregnant and he said 'Oh that's magic, b100dy magic!'"