h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No, better than that, it appears I'm personal assistant to a cat!

As is often said: dog has owners, cats have staff.


Geggs

Mala should SOOOO be Prime Minister!

My drive to work is usually fraught. About 8.30 ish I get on the M1 just outside Lisburn, and sit with a gazillion other commuters heading into Belfast. That part of the motorway has recently been widened to 3 lanes, but it still gets congested regularly. At the Broadway underpass (or swimming pool) the speed limit drops to 50, although half the drivers chose to ignore this. Somewhere along the Westlink I'll get myself in the right hand lane, as I want to turn right soon, but that annoys those wishing to do more than 50 in the fast lane, regardless of the heavy traffic and rainy weather (you did say THIS morning?)

A bit of jostling for posiiton and I'm under the railway bridge and onto the M3, where I usually glance left to admire the ferries on Belfast Lough. Then it's onto the Newtownards Road, in the shadow of the giant yellow shipyard cranes, where I pass various murals including several commemorating the Titanic, and, given the time of year, a couple of bonfire sites and plenty of flags and bunting. On a good day the 12 mile journey takes about half an hour.

And this morning I smiled to myself as I said "19", since I'm counting down the number of days that I have to do this journey before I move house

Well, Beatrice, you'll have to come back in here in 20 days and let us know what a difference moving house has made to your journey. Your current journey sounds a lot like mine- speed limits are mere suggestions to most drivers, bus lanes and speed cameras are there to be ignored, and as for etiquette.... forget it!!

What surprises me (don't know why, but it does) is we have one of the most comprehensive and difficult driving tests known to man, yet the standard of drivers, young and old, is horrendous. I got cut up by a plonker in a 4 wheel drive, and just smiled and shook my head. The driver was apoplectic with rage!! I had all manner of hand gestures, several I've never seen before, as if it was my fault for being on the bit of road that he wanted to be on at that precise moment in time. When I did eventually pass him I just smiled and waved politely at him. I could see the veins throbbing on his forehead, which gave me a great deal of satisfaction

if you're female, blowing em a kiss REALLY upsets them when you've driven correctly and they have failed to nudge in front of you etc...

I once had a chap tailgating me and trying to get past me and, in his haste, he got himself in a right old muddle on a roundabout and without my cutting him up at all, he ended up behind me again.

When the road widened back out to two lanes again he went ranting past me glaring, about to start shouting and gesticulating and I just gave him the hugest smile like I was ecstatic to see an old friend and waved at him in an ever so slightly exaggerated manner...

The speed at which he shut his mouth, put both hands on the steering wheel and suddenly became obsessed (for the first time) with the road directly in front of him was so funny I wasn't even tense any more, I was too busy peeing myself laughing.

Luckily I was in traffic waiting at lights by then so it was handbrake on and have a giggle time

Ha ha, that was good! Revenge is sweet, especially when you don't lose your cool doing it!!

I will have to invest in a long blonde wig and some make-up and put your theory to the test.

Though not sure peeing in your car is a very good idea. Unless it is bee pee

Oh, just do it anyway

I dislike being put at risk by other people's impatience/stupidity/ignorance/lack of giving a damn.

In fact. one of our drivers had a lucky escape on saturday. His van is almost folded inside out. Got hit from behind by a woman in a VW Golf. The impact ripped the driver's seat from the runners so he ended up lying on his back in the back of the van, in his seat.

It was a dual carriageway, coming up a hill away from a motorway. It's a fifty mph limit, and there's some traffic lights halfway up it. The van driver was almost stopped at the lights (they had started to change to red as he approached) and this woman was behind him. According to the driver, she told him that she saw him stopping, didn't think she could safely stop so she accelerated to drive around him. Presumeably *through* the range rover in the next lane.

Needless to say her vehicle was also written off.

But the point is, what was she doing driving so close that she couldn't stop safely, didn't expet him to slow down, and who on earth *accelerates* towards an almost *stationary* vehicle at a *red* light?

As I say, luckily the driver of our van was OK and came back to work on Tuesday, but do people honestly have that little idea how dangerous they can be? Evidently, yes. I'm not a nervous driver, but it makes me think!

Dont pee anyway!

Smile, wave and blow kisses anyway! Despite the lack of wig I meant!!!

Too late on the wig front!! I think I look rather fetching... the wife thinks otherwise! It's not like I've borrowed her dress, again, or anything like that!! Ha ha ha ha!!

Glad your van driver is ok. I was thinking the other day, I've been driving for a good 27 years and I've had 5 accidents- none of which have been my fault. The first one was when I was 19 and happened in Sutton, near where I used to live.

The last four have all been in Coventry, and have all involved my current car!! Luckily the panels are plastic, so repairs are quick and cheap. I'm a fairly careful and courteous driver- not overly-cautious but I keep to speed limits, indicate in good time, etc. Perhaps I should start hooning around like the rest of the idiots, maybe other drivers will give me a wider berth!!