h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I would like to fight a zombie and when I cut off his arm and legs he would shout at me not to be a coward and run away as it was only a flesh wound.

I don't think it would say anything Cookie, maybe groan and grunt a bit...

I think you're confused with black knights?

Oddly enough, Cookie, I think nat's right.

Interesting point. Has there ever been a talking zombie?


Apart from Mr. Dead the Talking Corpse...does he count?

...hmm Good point Axi...no idea myself...

I had to do a Uni mini-lecture on traditional s and ways of fighting s before we went to Transilvania. Apparently, there's a very simple Eastern European way that's rather popular.

You get a bottle of vodka or similar and dye it red with berries, then give it to your vampire to drink. He'll get too drunk to find his coffin in the morning, and will fall apart into ash when the sunlight hits...

method of disposal Mala - there is a slight problem if it's an alcoholic

Just takes more then, I suppose.

Hmm, maybe I should write an entry on the methods of vampire disposal I found. Did you know that all farming tools can also become vampires, as can pumpkins and melons?

I know about knives in drawers after midnight hungering for blood but melons???

Now I'm interested Mal. Details please...

Yes - they roll around the house, growling at people, but nobody'S afraid of them because they don't have teeth. Kind of tragic, really

OK...I suppose they're easier to dispose of than human too

Dothey run screaming at the sight of pie, do you think? Or squash?

To dispose of a vampire you boil it in holy water, then scrub it all over with a broom, and burn the broom

I didn't think there was any need for that: Most vampires will be extremely old, and on killing them, don't they just age all the years that they'd not aged whilst being in their vampire alive state? Personally a steak through the heart, remove their head by severing it at the neck, place garlic round the neck, in the mouth, and around the body, and place a crucifix on the body,oughta do the trick Zombies are of course more easy to kill in some ways, a shot gun I find nomrally does the trick, just blow the heads off, well, relaly sever the neck, as the only remaining brain functioning left in those in the state of 'zombie' is some very bassil brain activity in the medulla/brain stem, Though of course, the big problem can be the aplattering of the blood, and risk of catching zombieness off them and becoming a zombie oneself, at least with a vampire you know that your only going to get 'transformed' and vampirised if theres physical contact and direct exchange of blood through biting... of course in order to end up a vampire oneself, it is generally necessary for their to be a exchange of blood both ways, whereas with zombies the blood need only travel from zombie to the new host to cause the spread of the condition.

That's certainly not the only way of ending up as a vampire, it's enough if a vampire looks at your mother while she's pregnant, according to my research I really will write that entry

Go for it Mala - we *need* this vital information ...

How are the s now - claming down for the night...?

Depends on the vampire I suppose. Some turn you into a vampire just by biting you, others you have to drink their blood. Wonder if there are different types of vampire where the vampirisation process works differently?

Right, I may even have this essay here on the laptop - I'll translate and shorten it tomorrow, and then there we go Including the various ways to protect yourself against a vampire, they're essential!

And yes, the kittens are locked in the front room for the night, and curled up asleep on the couch, most likely