Fiction Weird Science First/Personals Kitchen SyncronicitiesSatire

Ben is the author of a lot
of amazing guide entries for example evil
songs which was recently featured in the CAC Continuum (funny that).
Anyway, if you want to know what Ben keeps in his pockets read on -

1) Name? Ben
Moore

2) Age?
25

3) Sex?
Undetermined

4) Height?
About 165 inches or six centimetres

5) Pets? Six
hamsters and a wife

6) Hair colour?
I’d have to wash it to be sure

7) Shoe size?
Depends on the shoes

8) Occupation?
Minimum wage earner

9) Favourite smell?
I can't smell anything. Ever

10) Favourite book?
I hate to persist with what I suspect will prove to be a running
theme with this question, but the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Have you
read it? You should

11) Favourite film?
Life of Brian. Probably

12) Favourite
band/group/singer? I can always listen to the Lightning Seeds. But
I'm not sure I can spell them. Makes Amazon completely useless

13) Favourite song?
Whatever Monty Python song takes my mood. 'Finland' is always good


14) Can you play an
instrument? If yes which one? I can get a variety of orchestral
favourites from any two pillows you care to give me

15) Favourite item
of clothing? I think shoelaces are very under-rated

16) Favourite
beverage? Do you think I can get a Blackcurrant Tango for love or
money? Well, money, anyway. That hasn't worked

17) Favourite
holiday resort? I have lived in Eastbourne for six months and I'm
not sick of it yet


18) Favourite
animal? The moose

19) Favourite TV
programme?Blackadder. Except the first one, obviously

20) Favourite
take-away food? Chinese

21) If you were
stuck on a desert island what item would you take with you and why?
This is a difficult question. If I know I'm due to be stuck on a desert
island, why am I worrying about taking one thing with me when I should be
running away? On the other hand, if I am spontaneously stuck on a desert
island, the answer would be whatever the contents of my pockets happened to
be, so, some dust and a ten cent piece. Of course if you're asking a
hypothetical question then...a bag of marbles

22) If you were an
animal what would you be and why? I think endangered animals get the
best quality of care. Are sloth's endangered?

23) Would you rather
have hands made of cheese or feet made of metal and why?
I can't imagine any practical use for hands made of cheese. Metal
feet suggest limitless possibilities to me. Metal feet, definitely

24) Thursday or
Thing? Thursday because it's a better scrabble score


25) You are left in
a room with a tea cosy what do you do? Leave

26) Do you have any
hobbies? Leaving tea cosies

27) So what type of
music do you like? Anything I have chosen, instead of having it
blasted through the walls at me

28) Would you call
yourself vain? Only behind my back

29) How did you find
H2G2? It is referred to endlessly in Douglas Adams' posthumous
anthology 'The Salmon of Doubt'


30) Any future stories or articles in the pipeline? Working hard
bullying other people into writing all the entries for a Uni entry on
Hitler¹. Anything else I shall
just make up as the mood takes me

One final question,
what will you be doing straight after these questions? How can I
possibly know that? I have plans to fill all of my coat pockets with
essential island survival gear, but you know the turns life takes

Postscript.
Remember if you like what you see,
leave a message with the relevant Researcher.
You can always suggest
writing for the CAC Continuum or you could suggest the person who we
interview next either by contacting
The
Post, by getting in touch or by visiting
us at our own place.

These answers were taken by force, quite a lot of force
actually, maybe we were a bit excessive with the force but you enjoyed it so
it doesn’t really matter if a few people are in hospital, anyway this issue
wouldn’t have happened without Tom and MJ

as part of the Committee for Alien Content's Continuing search
for truth and a wider audience.



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