The CAC Interview

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'Ben' CAC Interview

Is this the place?

Fiction smiley - cheersWeird Science smiley - drunk First/Personals smiley - hangoverKitchen Syncronicitiessmiley - emptySatire

Ben is the author of a lot
of amazing guide entries for example evil
which was recently featured in the CAC Continuum (funny that).
Anyway, if you want to know what Ben keeps in his pockets read on -

    1) Name? Ben

    2) Age?

    3) Sex?

    4) Height?
    About 165 inches or six centimetres

    5) Pets? Six
    hamsters and a wife

    6) Hair colour?
    I’d have to wash it to be sure

    7) Shoe size?
    Depends on the shoes

    8) Occupation?
    Minimum wage earner

    9) Favourite smell?
    I can't smell anything. Ever

    10) Favourite book?
    I hate to persist with what I suspect will prove to be a running
    theme with this question, but the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Have you
    read it? You should

    11) Favourite film?
    Life of Brian. Probably

    12) Favourite
    band/group/singer? I can always listen to the Lightning Seeds. But
    I'm not sure I can spell them. Makes Amazon completely useless

    13) Favourite song?
    Whatever Monty Python song takes my mood. 'Finland' is always good

    14) Can you play an
    instrument? If yes which one? I can get a variety of orchestral
    favourites from any two pillows you care to give me

    15) Favourite item
    of clothing? I think shoelaces are very under-rated

    16) Favourite
    beverage? Do you think I can get a Blackcurrant Tango for love or
    money? Well, money, anyway. That hasn't worked

    17) Favourite
    holiday resort? I have lived in Eastbourne for six months and I'm
    not sick of it yet

    18) Favourite
    animal? The moose

    19) Favourite TV
    programme?Blackadder. Except the first one, obviously

    20) Favourite
    take-away food? Chinese

    21) If you were
    stuck on a desert island what item would you take with you and why?
    This is a difficult question. If I know I'm due to be stuck on a desert
    island, why am I worrying about taking one thing with me when I should be
    running away? On the other hand, if I am spontaneously stuck on a desert
    island, the answer would be whatever the contents of my pockets happened to
    be, so, some dust and a ten cent piece. Of course if you're asking a
    hypothetical question then...a bag of marbles

    22) If you were an
    animal what would you be and why? I think endangered animals get the
    best quality of care. Are sloth's endangered?

    23) Would you rather
    have hands made of cheese or feet made of metal and why?
    I can't imagine any practical use for hands made of cheese. Metal
    feet suggest limitless possibilities to me. Metal feet, definitely

    24) Thursday or
    Thing? Thursday because it's a better scrabble score

    25) You are left in
    a room with a tea cosy what do you do? Leave

    26) Do you have any
    hobbies? Leaving tea cosies

    27) So what type of
    music do you like? Anything I have chosen, instead of having it
    blasted through the walls at me

    28) Would you call
    yourself vain? Only behind my back

    29) How did you find
    H2G2? It is referred to endlessly in Douglas Adams' posthumous
    anthology 'The Salmon of Doubt'

    30) Any future stories or articles in the pipeline? Working hard
    bullying other people into writing all the entries for a Uni entry on
    Hitler1. Anything else I shall
    just make up as the mood takes me

    One final question,
    what will you be doing straight after these questions? How can I
    possibly know that? I have plans to fill all of my coat pockets with
    essential island survival gear, but you know the turns life takes

    Remember if you like what you see,
    leave a message with the relevant Researcher.
    You can always suggest
    writing for the CAC Continuum or you could suggest the person who we
    interview next either by contacting
    , by getting in touch or by visiting
    us at our own place.

    These answers were taken by force, quite a lot of force
    actually, maybe we were a bit excessive with the force but you enjoyed it so
    it doesn’t really matter if a few people are in hospital, anyway this issue
    wouldn’t have happened without Tom and MJ

    as part of the Committee for Alien Content's Continuing search
    for truth and a wider audience.

    Speak for yourself!

    The CAC Continuum

    We gratefully acknowledge the support of the
    h2g2 UnderGuide

01.06.06 Front Page

Back Issue Page

1MJ still has the bruises.

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