h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was having a random discussion on our plans for the future, with some friends, when one of them mentioned that she planned to get married before she was 25. I commented that this was something that was a little difficult to plan, all dependent on meeting the right person. She calmly responded that if she hadn't found anyone by then she would just have a marriage arranged.

Despite some people assuming that arranged marriages are forced and abusive, most of them don't seem to be. Rather parents introduce two people who they think would be well suited and who are at the stage in life when they have decided that they would like a marriage..

To be honest if my culture had them I can't honestly say that I wouldn't consider it? A couple of my friends (who are from cultures that don't have arranged marriages!) have said the same thing.

My parents are great friends of mine. I respect them very much. If they had arranged a marriage for me it sure as he11 would have turned out better than the one I arranged for myself.

I would be interested to see if they had lower divorce rates that love matches.

How many love matches fizzle out because the passion has gone? That's not going to be a problem is it?

"That's not going to be a problem is it?"

I'm not sure what you're asking. Are you asking that someone find the divorce rates for arranged marriages? Are you asking whether we think passion will fizzle out with your hypothetical arranged marriage? Are you asking me a rather personal question? or is it something else?

To be honest I'm making a point rather badly considering that it's twenty to one in the morning and I'm slightly tired.

To rephrase.

I am unaware of the divorce rate for arranged marriages as compared to those which are arranged through convential means. But I would imagine it to be less. I would expect them to be free of some of the problems such as passion "fizzling out" that beset marriages bettween those that are madly in love.

I suspect that you're right, but it would be hard to test. You should go to bed.

This is only hearsay because I don't know that there have been any studies done on the effects of arranged marriages on the divorce rate, but I have heard that in arranged marriages, the couples often grow to love each other very deeply, and for that reason (coupled with the fact that the marriage takes place because of a commitment to make it work - otherwise, why arrange a marriage in the first place? ) the marriages last.

Compare that to a couple that thinks something is "wrong" with a marriage as soon as the initial phase of passion has died down: they don't always understand that marriage goes through phases, and that it's the deeper love and commitment that makes a marriage, not passion.

One of the concerns of the Christian church is that arranged marriages do seem to be more stable than 'conventional' marriages, however this hides some inconsistancies.

Arranged mariages often involve someone from a foreign country, there is therefore an added impetus to stay married, quite often the bride or groom has no other contact in the country other than their in-laws.

Divorce is not an option in some religions, therefore the people live seperate lives. Legally they are still married, actually they are divorced.

Anyone who marries in a regitry office is regarded as a 'traditional' marriage, however arranged marriages do take place in registry offices, these are usually 'non-religous' arranged maariages - ie cultural.

All the above refers to the UK.

Being non-religious in a country where this is seldom condemned, my partner and I have no reason to marry, though we intend to be together for life.

An arranged marriage is the only sort that makes sense to me: that is, for the purposes of keeping someone in the country, or to improve a political alliance between heads of state, or to improve finances/social standing of families, or just for tax purposes. I really don't see the point in marrying for love, since a wedding doesn't change how much you love each other.

The man my parents wanted me to marry was blond, active, went to private school. He was also a heavy drinker, drugs user and a total oaf.

I once went out with a guy with long hair and an ear-ring, my parents met his best mate and remarked on his short-hair and general smartness, and why didn't I go out with him instead. They didn't know he was a very heavy drug user (ecstasy and speed every night, cocaine and then mogadon etc to come down again) and very screwed up to go with it.

So no, cause my parents judge on shallow outward appearances, whereas personality is always more important to me.

Arranged marriages are no better than any other kind. In fact if you think about it the more people involved the more chances there are for misjudgements to affaect the union. however there is more support and more prssure of varying degrees for the union to last.

A fair number of my "Asian" school friends who have had arranged marriages are now divorced and the longer lasting marriages are where one partner is from abroad. The foreign partner needs that relationship to work, you cant go and kip on your mums sofa if she lives thousands of miles away. Marriages of British peole are veiwed much more cheaply regardless of our ethinic backgrounds, people who grow up British think British.

Liz and I met through friends interfering is that "arranged"?

Or are we talking soley about parental control to the degree where the match is chosen enirely by other people, with there being no choice other than running away or suicide? I cant imagine anyone would WANT that but it might not seem so bad if it was just what you had grown up to expect.

BB - I most certainly wasn't!

Was just interested in people's opinions really. I have to admit I'm slightly envious of people who say "I'm not worried about meeting the right man - if I haven't found one I like by the time that I want to settle down I'll ask my mum to introduce me to some who might want to marry me"

But of course there's a world of difference from arranged marriages, where both partners have decided that they want to get married, and those who have been forced or pressurised into marriage.

The studies have been done - I read them a while back for psych A level and yes arranged marridges have a lower divorce rate - wait a min lets see if I can dig something more solid up...sorry guys can't find it. I donated my old textbook to my school library before I left. If anyone can get a copy of psychology for A level by cara flanagan (Not sure on the spelling) the studies should be in there. A bit rushed for time right now or I'd cite a study.

Personally I wouldn't go for it - but then I'm still in new girlfriend stage, once tha wears off and is replaced by my usual cynicism I'll got for the arranged one on statistics alone

[Acid Override still has no consistant internet connection and so may take large amounts of time to respond to anything]

Some studies:

Xiaohe, Xu; Whyte, Martin King.
Love matches and arranged marriages: A Chinese replication.
Journal of Marriage & the Family. Vol 52(3) Aug 1990, 709-722.

Key finding -- differences in marital satisfaction between arranged marriages and "love" marriages differ by gender -- men reported more satisfaction in arranged marriages, women in "love" marriages -- by rank, the highest satisfaction (from 5 years post marriage on) was in men in arranged marriages, then women in "love" marriages, then men in "love" marriages, then women in arranged marriages. And this is the case even though marital satisfaction was incredibly similar among all 4 groups in the first 2 years of marriage.


Yelsma, Paul; Athappilly, Kuriakose.
Marital satisfaction and communication practices: Comparisons among Indian and American couples.
Journal of Comparative Family Studies. Vol 19(1) Spr 1988, 37-54.

Key finding -- marital satisfaction was higher in arranged marriages, but there was some evidence that this was due more to the characteristics of the individuals and less to how the match was made --for example, women in arranged marriages tended to be more submissive, and the woman's level of submissiveness was highly correlated with marital satisfaction across groups. There was a similar finding for a measure of family support.


Mikey

Submissive wives? No wonder the men are happier!

Snailrind, any sort of a marriage is just a statement that you intend to stay together for life (with God's blessing if it is a religious marriage). Marriage is just another step in committing yourselves to each other. If you are living together and intend to stay together for life, then you are effectively married. I believe in the UK, you are considered to be a Common Law Marriage, although I'm not sure of this as I don't live there myself.

Its called common law and is losely speaking "recognised" but actually has no written legal rights.

I guess it does make a difference anyone submissive enough to accept an arranged marriage compared to a strong willed rebelious person is probably going to be easier to get a long in a marriage with in most cases.

Cant say I like rowing and battles of will but I wouldnt fancy someone who wasnt as strong willed as me.

Blickybadger said 'Liz and I met through friends interfering is that "arranged"?'
I would say no, but then Moonglums friends tried to split us up, they told him its us or her!! He made the right choice though!!

I saw some comment about what is the point of non-religious marriage. Well we had a spiritual 'marriage', just the two of us, back in 2000. However, due to his sister and brother -in-law refusing to accept me, and hospitals who sometimes have stopped partners from seeing their other halfs, or partners not getting next of kin rights when contested by relatives, and for tax reasons etc. We decided to have a government wedding as well. It doesn't have to be a big expensive occasion, I wore normal clothes, we had no photos, no flowers (except for a sprig of hawthorn!) and a chinese meal afterwards.

Okay so thats off the topic, but I believe there is a reason for non-religious marriage, whilst the government has such a hold over us, sometimes it pays to keep them quiet and happy. Anything for a quiet life and minimal government interference.

in Australia, 'common law marriage' is called de facto and is recognised the same as a legal marriage after 6 months of living together......

Very forward thinking, Helelou, wish we had that in UK