h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Has been this way for over 10 years now and in the last year now includes same sex couples of over one year of living together.... which came about through popular media publicising discrimination against long term gay couples.....

I am surprised at how short the period is for a relationship to be a de facto marriage, 6 months! Most short-term assured lets (if you are renting a place together) are 6 months long, so let us say that you move in with your loved one only to discover you don't get on very well (not disasterous but not really suited) and move out when your rental agreement is up. Would they then have any sort of legal rights over you under a de facto arrangement?

was introduced for social services - dole? so they could lower pyments, a couple gets lower payment than two single persons

go the government

A de facto has ALL the rights of a married person, it was all or nothing to get the legislation through parliament..

Hell of a way to discourage 'living in sin'

Kaz, you said:
"Very forward thinking, Helelou, wish we had that in UK"

But we *do* have it in the UK. Marriage termed as "common law" is, of course, not recognised in Law, because it's not a contractual arrangement. Nontheless, the DHSS recognises it from day one, and adjusts your benefits accordingly: if you live as a married couple, they'll treat you as one.

Nobody else checks. If someone tells you they're married, you don't ask for proof, do you? If your partner is seriously ill in hospital, what medical practitioner would ask to see your marriage certificate before letting you in?

Kaz, you mentioned several good reasons for marrying. I'm all for sociological practicalities. In fact, it seems sensible to assume that this is how wedding ceremonies came about: a community would witness the fact that these two people were no longer available and were to prioritise each other over everyone else. In situations like arranged marriages, for which the bride and groom might not previously have met, weddings might reduce the risk of couples failing to fulfill their duty to each other.

Gnomon said:
"any sort of a marriage is just a statement that you intend to stay together for life...."

I think I was using the word "marriage" where I should really have said "wedding". (If your comment still applies, then please let me know: a statement to whom? And, why do they need to know?)

"Marriage is just another step in committing yourselves to each other."

If you're committed, you're committed. If you're not, a piece of paper with your names on it won't make the blindest difference.

I've been thinking about this one. I think what is important is how you go into the marriage. Or relationship, or whatever.

My theory is that I could learn to love anyone who treated me with care, respect and love. That is to say, maybe not full, dressed up passion love, but simple love of a fellow human (okay, that could probably encompass the other two also).

The trick is to make sure that is what you start with, you are prepared to work, talk to each other, and maintain this relationship. And who knows? Maybe love will come of it.

When my mother remarried, I quickly felt a bond of loyalty to our new family, even though I'd had no say about developing a whole set of new cousins etc. When she had two extra children, I loved them from the start, even though I did not choose my new brother and sister. I loved these people because they were now part of my family. I didn't have to decide whether or not I was going to love them.

Perhaps that's how it is with arranged marriages -?

I wouldn't have an arranged marriage personally; they're not part of my culture. If they were, I guess I would just accept them without wuestion until someone from another culture came along and arrogantly told me they were wrong. Then I would begin to question and be horribly confused.

Probably arranged marriages do have a lower divorce rate that love- matches simply because people expect different things from them.

True Steve we often see anything that is part of our cultural norm as right simply because it is something we've grown up with.

Look how long it took for drink driving to be regarded as wrong.

ALL the commom law stuff begs the question; If I met someone I got on well with, felt so close to that I set up home wiht them tomorrow then fell into a persistent vegetative state (who said "how would we tell the difference")the day after. Why would parents or siblings who I didnt choose have more say in my future than a partner I did choose? why would the time frame be so important? If I had lived with them for a year why should it be less important than if I'd married someone I'd just met?

I think an arranged marriage can be a good thing - as long as it isn't arranged when you're both 6!

There are things that I really suffer from, being a single parent. Nothin major, but enough to cause me problems, and make life that little bit more difficult.

If I could have an arranged marriage, I probably would. Find me someone that I can live with for the rest of my life! To share money and time with, ambitions with, and generally know that my son is at home waiting for me on the cold winter evenings, not travelling across town to be brought home 15 minutes before bed.

Of course, I'd want seperate bedrooms, and the chance to see other people, but otherwise I'd be happy to live as a proper couple. And not loving my partner would be the greatest blessing of all.