h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That just about sums it up, from early years 'til 10 years ago. I am still waiting for the next incident, without any particular relish.
At 5 years, I fed my thumb (left) into a chopping machine--not too bad a result, just a misshapen thumbnail. A year or two later, I fed my thumb (left) into a sewing machine--needle right through the nail--no lasting result. In the years from 10 to 18, I broke arms or wrists 4 times--I graduated from elementary and middle schools with casts on. At 12, I was trying to get the fire going in the fireplace, with gasoline being the most reasonable accelerant I could think of, with the end result being third-degree burns over one leg, ankle to hip, 40 days in hospital, and 6 months out of school. On the plus side, I didn't get invited to Viet Nam when my turn came up, because my pelt was already so motley. At 18, I fed my thumb (left) into a pounding situation, flaying it open, calling for more than a hundred sutures, inside and out. The thumb (left) works amazingly well considering what I have inflicted upon it. The occasional sprained ankle and smashed finger, but everybody gets those. I have be relatively clean and accident-free for a decade or so, but I am always waiting for that shoe to drop.