h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Not as good as my nine legs!

I think the diamond's a reference to that white dwarf the astronomers found recently. I wouldn't want to be the guy who'd have to buy the ring that it goes with it, though!

It's my diamond! Keep your hands off it!

GB... are we being delusional again?
Please take your pills, dear, the doctor says they're good for you.

*nods in agreement*

now calm down a little please your disturbing the other patients……

Signor OnOff switching by
"Noood nod Noood noood noood Noood nod nod"

Traveller in Time on a key, trying to translate the morse code
"He says 'nod'."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/3492919.stm

Traveller in Time on his head
"Hmm, sound like fun to play with. Any suggestion how we can get it into this society? "

Nephew Who building a gigantic ring room
"I have some space left in the middle of this room. It would fit nicely into the bed. How much kilometre in diameter is it?"

i can donate some space from my pockets

1500 Kilometers across

Cut me a piece, wouldja...

No problem... you got a spaceship to spare?

What the...?

*SUDDENLY, a loud bellringing noise sounds across the land. The sound of it is almost defenening. THEN, in the distance you can see a man walking, in a suit waling towards you, and as he does the sound of the bell ringing grows louder. It isn't until he is very near that you notice that he is holding a small service bell behind a loud speaker, and is ringing it.*

Ah I think thats quite enough of that. *he stops ringing the bell, and puts it away*

Good afternoon, everybody. My name is Jack Ficklepot and I have a business that I think you'll find very interesting.

*opens brief case and prepares to take something out*

Livers.

*four sticks slide out so that the case can stand on them*

I can give you the most efficient livers known to people from Alpha Centuri *He pauses for dramatic effect*. So efficient... *he begins to whisper* you can't even see them...

SO! Whos for a new liver then. Going very cheap, and all fully functioning, or your money back. Of course I will have to take your old livers, but thats just a contractual detail and nothing to worry about. So come on, get your livers here!

Is there any onions with that?

Onions, sir? I can do you onions. Be very happy to do so sir. They will of course be delivered at a slight time delay to the actual providing of the new livers, so as to take in to account certain time delay factors between Earth and Alpha Centuri, but that is nothing to worry about. Nothing to worry about at all sir. So can I sign you up for one?

No, I dont eat liver.

I'd like one, though, if only to pretend that it's an external brain pack (preferably one with an MBA from Havard, please!).

Excellent! Your not like these lilly-livered non liver liking individuals *Looks vaguely in the direction of God Ben, although it is just as likely that he was looking at the 200 foot hedgehog in the distance. In either case he stopped looking in that direction and got back to business.*

Right, mikeo would you like to sign here, here, here and here *points to various empty spaces on some heavily text covered documents*, on and you'll be wanting to wear this *hands him an operating gown*. All part of the service you understand, nothing to worry about.

*bursts in screams suddenly*

He's lying! HE IS LYING!!!! They want to kill us all, him and the hedgehogs and the lilies and all of them!!!!

LIAR!!!! LIAR!!! Leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*runs away*