h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OOps, must have accidently got some Donky Kong coding mixed up with all the Mario stuff...

*jumps over the barrel rolling at her*

*jumps on the monkey's head, squashing it to half it's size*

*jumps again making the monkey vanish and giving her more points*

Ha! Take that monkey man!

So... I currently have 3 lives, and 500 points. But I need to find the virus. I should be able to destroy it using the ol' jump 'n' squash. And I'll bet the virus is a boss. Perhps I should get some power ups before I do any serious searching... or maybe I should just hack in and give myself infinite lives. Choices choices....

*a large blast hits next to EE, and whoa, above her head are hundreds of ships moving further and further down to the ground while shooting blasts down at her*
Space invaders

*hides under a big colourful square*

Damnit! I need a gun!

*throws a shoe at an invader*

*one of the thirty invaders from spacepace explodes when shoe hits...*

Bugger!!

Okay...think think... Space invaders... space... Therefore no gravity...

*spits at the space invaders*

*another explodes*

I hope I can keep up the spitting...

*spits like a machine gun*

<>

*sets up big blocks a few feet above the ground for cover*
Hide underneath the shields!

The shields! Genius!

*hides under a large pixilated... thing*

I've got to get myself better.
I've got to finish this damn storyline!

There must be some kind of power up that'll get me closer to the virus core. Perhaps after the invaders... But I'm completely out of ammo.
*cowers behind shield*
They're dropping down and getting closer....
*is distracted by a loud noise*
Wha...? Its....
*Queen Victoria runs across the screen, complete with machine gun, zapping the hell out of the little space invaders*
I almost feel sorry for the guys. Thanks Vicky!
*Queen Victoria Waves in a stately fashion and runs away*

Now what?

Okay, now it seems logical that this is a Gunmen of the Apocalypse style storyline.. perhaps there's something in that to help me solve this...

*is distacted by a rather large arrow in centre screen*

Ah. How subtle
Should I follow it, boys and girls?

*does so, going in a left kind of direction*

Okay, now it seems logical that this is a Gunmen of the Apocalypse style storyline.. perhaps there's something in that to help me solve this...

*is distacted by a rather large arrow in centre screen*

Ah. How subtle
Should I follow it, boys and girls?

*does so, going in a left kind of direction*

*deja vu*

Okay, going left just gives me a loop. I can't go left, obviously. But so far, no nasty space invaders trying to kill me. Good start.

Well. I guess I'll go /up/ to the arrow then.

*climbs on top of delapidated shield*

*jumps to touch arrow*

*screen twists with expensive special effects which we shall not descibe as we are on a low budget*

Hmmm....

*comes face to face with... herself*




*dramtic pause*

Okay

*second self smirks*

This had better damn well be the end of level bad guy!
So...what kind of a game is this?

*second self helpfully points to a health bar floating at the top of the screen*

Fantastic. Fan-smegging-tastic.
How many rounds?

*second self gestures 'one' in what is considered an unsavoury manner*

Oh great. I'm going to be killed by all of my bad qualities. Oh, the irony.

*As the oversized numbers count down her doom, she briefly wonders about special moves, and how the hell an elevator is supposed to be able to punch*

*panics*

< Well some things are more important..... ship eating curries for one. >

< Not Ace Rimmer?? He is here you know. >